I'm tired of packing bags so I may as well drop a bit more before the door hits me where God split(s) me.
First up, there is a little project I've been thinking about called 'the anatomy of a commute'.
I broke out early Monday morning and took myself for an ass crack of the day trip over hill and dale on my way to work. Before I continue with this however, I'd like to mention that the above sign is a lie. I place partial blame on this observation on the fact that I reside in an area that is always shifting geologically, so I suspect that the climb actually does get longer each time I do it;
Regardless of this fact, there are very few places I would rather be, and since my ultimate destination was the J.O.B, I was in no rush.
Once you arrive at the first fork, there is a stunning view, but like a good bike nerd, I was more interested in talking a photo of my bike;
I was going to take a few more photos of the breath taking surroundings, but the mosquitos began to pack and before I knew it, I was swarmed by clouds of the little menaces so I beat feet downward;
The above shot doesn't look it, but this is actually quite the elevator shaft of a descent, though due to the fact that its a fairly well neglected stretch of fire road, for the most part it's pretty smooth and if you wish, you can let off the brakes and drift through nearly every corner.
Finally at the bottom you get to not one but four creek crossings;
It's a desolate stretch that at times can make you feel like you're the only person in the world.
This is a sensation that I whole heartedly recommend for Monday mornings.
Finally in the middle of the last water crossing, I vertigoed myself, and jammed my bars into my man parts to prevent a early morning bath while snapping the final shot;
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. My commute is better than yours.
Thank you for humoring me.
Now let's get on to some business.
I was asked by Stewart to do something (the 'something' wasn't specified) a couple of weeks ago and to then document it for him. As always I was a day late and a dollar short, but for his edification, here is proof that I did it;
I even went so far as to fabricate a little plate to hold it securely on the chain link, but it seems to have been a bit of a 'close the barn door after the horse has escaped' response as his event happened this past Saturday.
That should teach anyone to expect me to be prompt.
However sometimes I am, and even though as you read this I am on an airplane somewhere over Utah, there are a couple of events that I gotta blow up for the fine folks who are behind them. The first being from Snake B. Ite;
"Stevil,
I writing to ask for a shout out on HTATBL. On Saturday June 27th, in Sioux Falls, SD, we'll be having our first annual Bike-A-Palooza.
Included, but not limited to, are the fine New Belgian Brewing folk traveling from Colorado to here, several bikes given away to needy kids, and adult games. One of the adult games will be bike jousting. I made the lances this past weekend.
If you'd shout, that'd be great!
Thanks!
~Snakebite~"
While it's obvious that the lance is sweet, what I find myself most attracted to is the chair.
It just goes to illustrate that if given the choice between physical activity and napping, nine times out of ten I'll pick the latter.
Robert also has one up in Seattle way;
Then from John we get a heads up for folks who are shiftedly challenged;
"howdy yous guys. i know it is short notice, but would you be so kind to notify any and all not wanting to suck that they should converge this weekend? flyer pretty much says it all. thanks in advance.
also, there will be no fixie freestyling at the event.
stay black."
If you'd like to take a peek at what a bunch of internet anonymitos have to say about it, just go here.
"Notify any and all not wanting to suck"? That sounds like you had better be there.
For my part, I'm pretty used to sucking, and not only that, but I'm damn good at it.
It's a pretty good bet though that even if I could click my heels and pop up in the middle of it, I would still be sucking just the same.
I just can't help it.
And while we're on the topic of that which does and that which does not suck, it's been a while since we've showcased some art that does not. It's with envy and longing that I introduce you to Mr. C.C. Askew;
I can't find that much information about him aside from his Myspace page so if you have access, take a look see.
Want some last minute work stuff?
Of course you do.
Will you ever loose one of a pair of something?
Of course you will.
Have you ever wished that someone would sell three of the items in question so when you loose one you have a back up?
Of course you have.
Do you like your arms to look stripey?
Probably.
"Ladeez & Gentlemen,
doff your chapeau(s) in honor of America's Top Second Banana, Ed McMahon, who passed away today at age 86. That Budweiser blazer blows Stevil & mine's Budweiser sweater out of the water. HEY-OHHHHHHHHH!"
..to Colorado this Wednesday for a week long journey back in time and all of the train wreck that is my twenty year high school reunion, there are some matters that are in need of our attention, the first of which is work stuff;
We've got the Baxters in stock, and are shipping them presently. Should you find yourself with the desire to procure a new bicycle, might I recommend you take a look at our most recent offering? It's a peach of a bike, and as I've said before, the Shimano Alfine internal hub is unlike anything else that has come before it.
Alright, moving on.. Here is an email from Sam containing a clip I've seen before, and was sent to me no fewer than half a dozen times last week, so we might as well bring it up again;
"Hellooo!
Knowing you as I think I do, you probably have already seen this but it's such a life affirming example of avoiding the bummer life I had to submit it. Apparently, way back in 1899, Thomas Edison thought it would be cool to film a guy doing rad bike tricks. The film was archived in the Library of congress and eventually made it to YouTube.
Anyway, thanks doing what you do. I hope you enjoy the link. Riding bikes has changed my life is so many great ways, proof of it's timelessness, just affirm everything and make me feel even better.
All the best,
Sam"
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
As long as we're on the topic of the tricks atop the fix, I'll direct you to a recent installment that is fairly well unsettling over on our sister blog GWCTOH, or Gay Wiccans Carry Toffee Over Hills.
"If you don't like it, don't buy one."
I couldn't have said it better myself.
DFL Brad, AKA The Swede, AKA Breather, AKA Boozly sent in a shot taken from a local watering hole of our boy Dead Steveo. (He's the one in the red shirt.. The dog is someone else.)
I passed by the very spot that took Dead Stevo's life this past Friday and as I have every time since he was taken from us, I poured out an imaginary beer on the curb for him.
The last time I saw Steve was the morning after a ridiculously spirited wedding party for Dan E. Boy and his then wife, Fish. We rolled through Mad Dog in the Fog, our eyes still glued shut from the previous evening's festivities and there was Steve, bright eyed and bushy tailed. We shared bangers, mash and pints of Guinness for breakfast as we watched a soccer match on television. As we parted way, we slapped hands and exchanged hugs.
72 hours later he was dead.
You're still missed Steve, and if they have the internet wherever you ended up, I hope that you're reading this with that half smile that was always across your face, safe with the knowledge that you are still tight in the middle of this gang.
As I mentioned Friday, one of my dearest friends is finally inching his way down the path to wedded bliss, and as one of his best men, it was my duty this weekend to organize some sort of bacheloresque send off for him, and as per my standard party planning flair, I simply turned the lot of us loose in the woods with a preposterous amount of alcohol, and a BB gun;
However, the weekend begged the question.. How many tattoo artists does it take to put up a gigantic tent?
As it turns out, more than five, though as proof, I only got a shot of three;
Robert Ives of Blue Collar Bicycles fame even rolled through to show how a metal fabricator eats an entire chicken;
And also to show off his beater trucks door locks, which as he said, were the heap's selling point;
The rest of the group finally arrived, bringing with them this fellow who goes by the name of Luke;
Don't let his cherubic face fool you, as he is an absolute killing machine;
A pretty good rule of thumb is no matter how tough you think you are, never mess with anyone who's ears look like this;
Anyway, eventually the sun and the temperatures dropped, and it seemed like a reasonable idea to begin shooting things,
and checking out how full beers explode when put in a fire;
As it turns out, they explode pretty well;
Though none were as impressive as one that skinny Bee and I set off in Downieville several years ago, with an explosion that was so powerful, it actually extinguished the fire and blew coals for thirty feet in every direction.
"How could this be?" I thought. "I've been raised around beer and fire, and I'm just learning about this now?"
Waking up the next morning, the only course of action we could all decide on was to make coffee, and shoot more stuff;
If this bachelor party seems like your kind of action, I'm considering taking my show on the road and hireing my skills out for other husbands-to-be.
Don't expect Vegas, or strippers though. Dirt and passing out is all I know.
To switch topics, why don't we dump out some mail bag? We have a small smattering of offerings all of which are as few words as possible.
Dylan writes;
"If you've posted this, I regrettably missed it..
Dylan"
I don't know if I have. Three years down, and it's all a blur, but for art's sake, I'll post it again.
Is there anything in the world more stunning than an unintentional photobomb?
Well folks, like clockwork Monday is here again, and as I mentioned at the start, I'm gonesville back to Colorado for a week, and won't have a new post up until the 3rd of July, so you all be good in my absence and keep the home fires burning.
Just be careful if you decide to stick a beer in it.
The content of this post has almost nothing to do with popped corn.
In an attempt to maintain a relatively efficient posting schedule I have to write during all of hours of free time, but occasionally sometimes the free time is taken up with more important matters, such as these fellows;
For the uninitiated, this is a band that goes by the name of Shellac of North America. These men have all individually as well jointly provided the soundtrack of my life for over two decades and after a fairly long hiatus, are making their return to The Bay Area, so Friday's post, which is generally written on Thursday night is being replaced by their unique musical stylings.
I hope you understand.
At their last San Francisco performance several years ago I was blessed with the opportunity to dress up the stage, as it were, with a selection of my paintings;
For lack of a better term, it certainly was a 'career' highlight for me, and is something I will remember forever.
So as you are reading this, you can safely rest with the knowledge that the residue of Budwesier is settling in my system and my ears are in all likelihood ringing from the sounds of angry Midwesterners.
Now in news that is directly related to the bicycle world, I've got this next bit from Jon;
"Who would have guessed DH folks like to burn the Hippy Lettuce.
Jon"
Of course they couldn't neglect to mention the saga of Myles Rockwell? I'd say that this simply stems (pun totally intended) from the fact that professional downhiller's retirement pensions just aren't enough to keep them in the purple hats and Trans Ams that at one time they were used to.
And for Missy the Missile's part... You know what else looks like a missile?
A joint.
It's only right to segue from pot smuggling, to grape smuggling with this email from Hurl;
"I was gonna post this, guerilla-style, but I can't remember how/where to log on. Anyway, I found this on Bike Hugger and it is awesome:
get rad with your pelvic in sitting."
Then from Russell from the previously renamed 'Moustache Canyon' we get an update as to what's brewing in his neck of the woods.
Or as the case may be, his upper lip of the woods;
"Morning, Stevil.
It's Russell again and I wanted to tell you about the Norman Conquest! Ok, calm down. Don't get so excited. I'm not referring to William the Bastard's invasion of England and his historic victory at the Battle of Hastings, of which we all have some knowledge of. But, rather, I'm referring to a little bicycle ride here in Norman Oklahoma, or Moustache Canyon, as it's been affectionately referred to. The Conquest is a family-oriented ride that is for a great cause, kids. Now you can get excited! Read all about it here.
Thanks for all the inspiration to continue avoiding the bummer life!"
No problem. I do what I can, when I can.
Then from Johnny we get another update on radness from his particular corner of the word;
"Stevil-
I wanted to hit you up real quick to let everyone know that our good buddy, and fellow teammate, Ray Porter is avoiding the bummer life in a HUGE way by riding his mtb from Canadia to New Mexico, across the country, with only one gear.
Every single one of the folks who are currently involved in this epic journey are certainly tougher mentally and physically than the rest of the human race. Lets sent them all some fantastically rad thoughts to keep pedaling when the going inevitably gets tough. Go Big Pig!
Thanks in advance!
xoxo,
John"
I used to think I was a tough guy when I finished a big ride or a 40 mile race with one gear. This feat proves to me that I was wrong.
Right now I would like to put up this photo that I found while traveling around the world of Flickr that I think is pretty sweet;
That's the good stuff, right there.
If any of y'all live in a close proximity to Decorah, Iowa then I've got something for you to get in to;
You are guaranteed to see some one speeds and cockeyed girls there.
In closing, I'll throw up an email I got from Kelley for any and all who might sometimes prefer four wheels to two.
And who also have access to a crane and a flatbed;
"here's the half pipe.
it's completely water proof- ie: every board was primed and/or water sealed. all surface screw holes are silicone filled.
the entire deck is Skatelite/ professional ramp decking.
the original design was meant to have a spine on the left end and another ramp - making it twice as long as it is- so if a person were inclined- they could easily add the addition.
it's set on concrete pier blocks, and will have to be disassembled to move- unless you know somebody with a crane.
i've got close to five grand into the damn thing. the skatelite alone was $2500. fucking teenager- expensive little bastard he is!
the graffiti panels are included at no charge !
make me an offer.
it's got to move by june 30th.
otherwise i set it on fire.
~kelley~"
So spread the word, and if this is something you've got an itch for, get ahold of me, and I'll put you in contact. It would be a shame for it to burn, as awesome a bonfire as I'm sure it would be.
Alright... That's it from this end. I've got one of my oldest and dearest friend's bachelor parties that I was mistakenly put in charge of this weekend. The scene is set with a bunch of tattooed freaks, BB Guns, one professional ultimate fighter, gallons of beer and a planned hunt for the Bigfoot.
To say that it's gonna be interesting would be the most profound understatement I could muster.
As they say, we'll be seeing you on the other side.
Heaving sighs, telling lies and making artistic alibies.
These days I'm finding myself further and further towards the end of my proverbial rope, so for today's post, I will rely on the mail bag to do most of the work, because by and large I'm pretty much out of gas.
Right out of the gate though, I'll drop this bit, which defies any introduction or explanation;
Then from Joe comes not words of wisdom, but rather imagery of wisdom;
That's right... It's cool to walk your bike with your junk dangling.
Unless of course you're a dame, in which case it's perfectly acceptable to follow the path of this individual I came across in Minneapolis one morning and crochet your own;
Lesson learned, right everybody?
Another photographer (slash) filmmaker who is in our midst is none other than Brian Vernor, who just moments ago laid this on me;
"Bicycle Film Festival starts tomorrow. We just got to New York. Benny and I have slept about 4 hours in the last two days,,,,,,,but our movie is ready to premier, really, i'm really, really, happy with it.
brand new, fun BBF Promo (2009);
(And Brian's movie) 'Where Are You Go' trailer:
If you're of the New York people see you at some screenings.
Brian"
It's going to be awesome. You know what to do.
While we're on the topic of requesting the presence of New York people, in a little over a week's time there is going to be an art explosion of nearly epic proportions in Brooklyn, of which I am fortunately going to be a part. There are a gob of really talented individuals involved in this gig such as Swobo t-shirt artist Parskid, world renowned tattoo artist and all around nice guy Grime, and my ace homey Kristen Ferrell among many, many others, so if you find yourselves with Friday June 26th free, I highly recommend you swing through and take a look;
All of the info that's fit to print on the matter can and should be found here. At the very least you could poke your head in and say hello to Eastern District proprietor JLD. Not only is she a super cool person, but she's not too hard on the eyes;
That's how she appears when you're on mushrooms. Otherwise she's pretty normal looking.
Let's see.. what else...
Coach Matt sent an image he shot in Oakland of some words of self encouragement;
Whether or not they were Matt's own words has yet to be divulged.
What else do I have in here?
Sarah.. Yeah, you wanna hear what she's got to say?
"Stevil,
Hi. We don't know each other yet. That's okay. There's still time.
This morning I was thrown in the direction of this guy courtesy of NoTech Magazine (among my favorite non-cycling blogs). As a discerning patron of the finer things in life, I thought you might enjoy his art (sculpture for Stevil?) but would certainly enjoy his dumpster'd-then-mutated bicycles... particularly this one. Theory: It was actually just taken straight out of Terry Gilliam's rejected props bin from 'Brazil.'
The end. By Sarah."
As I replied to Sarah, I went to school with a fellow named Tommy who was making bicycle abominations such as these, way, way back, and as a matter of fact, he made an actual bicycle/shopping cart combo, not alot unlike our beloved Swobo logo. It just goes to show, there is not alot that's original anymore, but there are certainly endless ways to redefine and re-appropriate that which has been done before.
And that, I suppose is what makes the creative process so interesting is that not only are you challenged to do something interesting, but you are up against making it even more so than the last time it was done..
Or you could just go down the road Duchamp took, and throw a urinal in a gallery.
Finally, our own Sky the product wiz just traveled to the Midwest to hang out with her folks and help celebrate their 60th anniversary. She writes "this is what 60 years of marriage looks like."
I can't imagine being alive for 60 years, let alone being alive on a single person's arm for that long, so it's with complete sincerity that I wish these two love birds my very best, and here is to sixty more.
It's Wednesday. Do like I do and go hang out in the woods alone, washing some dirt down with a beer.
It's good for the soul.. You know.. That is if you haven't sold yours yet.
The postman always rings twice, and other matters of quasi-importance.
Upon opening the mail box at work on Friday, I was met with a postcard from some readers in Texas illustrating not only their their unfaltering love for one another but their appreciation for me and in turn my appreciation for snail mail as well. Of course like with just about everything I come across in the day to day, this sent my mind in a spiral though all sorts of pop culture nonsense that then devolved into fond memories of television's 'Welcome Back Kotter' and how this young couple was reminiscent of Mr. Kotter, and Bailey from 'WKRP in Cincinnati'. Then I thought, 'wait a minute.. Didn't the actress who played Bailey, also play Mrs. Kotter?' Of course upon my arrival home and a quick web search I was proven completely incorrect, which just goes to show that while I most certainly know my blonds (scroll around a bit. The reference is in there somewhere) I most certainly do not know my brunets;
Together we have learned something here today.
Reeling from my freshly obtained knowledge I then opened my personal mail box and discovered that I had received the new issue of COG Magazine;
Lucky number six comes chock full of the usual good stuff, and concludes with an article on the San Diego fixie scene, but I was disheartened to discover that there doesn't seem to be a single mention of the fiery fixture himself (no pun intended), Richie Ditta.
What gives COG? (Or more appropriately, author and photographer Matt Lingo.)That's like doing a piece on the North Pole and not including any information about Santa Clause.
Or if you will, a piece on Imelda Marcos without the mention of shoes.
Anyhoo, I'm the one that proves that you truly can't make all of the people happy all of the time, but regardless of that fact, as always the new issue is spanky, the photographs are all world class, and if you haven't picked up a subscription for yourself, there is no time like the present.
As long as we are on the slippery slope that is all things fixed, I suppose we might as well throw this new trailer up from the residents of Fixed City;
Watching paint dry, or the new Star Wars? You decide.
From my perspective it makes several good points, and is visually very appealing, so I'm gonna go somewhere in between and say it's like watching prismatic paint dry and listening to NPR after your co-worker blew pot smoke in your face.
Not that I would know what that specific set of activities is like.
A group of bike ner-do-wells met up at my home on Saturday for an informal running of a sunny day version of the Joe Parkin ride, for which we were all a little bit late, but after changing clothes, changing pedals, changing minds and changing political affiliations, we finally adjourned to the woods, and some mind clearing circle-pedaling.
After some relaxing and libations at the vista, I over heard The Scout Master say "uh oh", as a couple of people were leaning in over his bike. "A flat tire?" I thought, until I kneeled down as well to behold a sight that made my stomach sink a bit;
GUERCIOTTI DOOOWWWNNNNN!
With El Pirate Grande's expertise in metallurgy, we surmised that The Scout Master would at least be able to safely ride the screaming fast road descent back into civilization, which we did and as we were eating some sandwiches and Ostrich sausages, we noted that the crack had crept another eighth of an inch around each side of the down tube.
So at this point, we are two for two in bicycle carnage for this ride, as I cracked a chain stay in two places on my bike back in February. I can only hope that our efforts are making the ghosts of the Flemish countryside proud.
Just then Mr. Gill rounded the corner with his fancy Coors Classic duds on, and we departed to go pick up a vehicle to return and extract The Scout Master and his disabled steed.
With the exception of The Scout Master's ride (which goes to prove, never buy a bike from Loudass) I think it's safe to say that once again, the bummer life ain't got nothin' on us.
Though the same can't be said for El Pirate Grande's pants;
In closing I would like to say
1) thanks to Steve Dennis for this week's header art,
2) that despite his swearing to the contrary, inside sources are continually lead to understand that Geno is expanding his business empire from the Midwest to the Front Range;
All of that incoming capital, and he still owes me money...
and
3) It's with great excitement that I finally announce that the long suffering, and current editor of Mountain Bike Magazine, Jasen Thorpe has finally given in and decided that single speed mountain bikes are cool. After all of his vapid claptrap, apparently all it took for him to realize this was to stop making assumptions and actually ride one.
Sure, why not? Many thanks to Jon from Dahlonega Wheel Works for that bit of weirdness.
If you check out our friends over at The Drunk Cyclist with any frequency, you no doubt saw this following clip. Now as the partner of a Pilates instructor who regularly expounds on the benefits of developing healthy core strength, and knowing how difficult it is to work those primary muscle groups, it was with great interest that I watched the feats preformed by the individuals therein, but also, cause I'm a dude, and as such, have an inherent attraction to ladies on poles.
Seriously though, the upside down shimmy, belly dance thing at a minute forty seconds? That's insane.
It made me remember, whatever the medium or mode, whether it be R.C. car racing, or skeet shooting, or hacky sacking, or pole dancing, there are always going to be the best of the best, which leaves the rest of us to proudly carry the torch of mediocrity.
Here is an email I got that filled me with curiosity;
"Hey hey hey!!!
I want to mail you something, you know, old school. With a return address on it and stuff. And after I send it, you will have to open the letter and it will have words on a piece of paper that ask something of you, and you will say, "YES!" and then you will run out side and do what the words on the paper ask. And then you will run back inside and email me and say, "YES! We did what the letter said and here is the proof" and you will include the proof.
Or you won't do any of that.
I hope you do the "YES" stuff.
Stewart"
To which I bluntly replied;
"Stewart,
As long as it doesn't result in my professional termination, federal incarceration, or romantic conclusion, I can, with almost 100% certainty guarantee that I will say yes."
I'll keep you posted.
Let's see.. what else do I have?
Ah yes. ..You might remember this story about the cops detaining and abusing a couple of road cyclists for threatening them with their butts, which of course is a preposterous tale, but sometimes an officer is in real danger, and when such a time arises, they have to use force. Case in point? When a 72 year old great grandma gets out of control.
The other night while perusing the website of photographer Veronika Lenzi, I came across this shot of former Retrotec super honch Darin, feeding Skinny Bee like a mama bird feeds the baby;
That seems to be a reoccurring theme among my friends.
Jesus, can't they just drink beer like normal people?
Not that going from 'normal people' to this next email from Steve is terribly appropriate, because after all, folks in the Somerville, Massachusetts area are far from what I would consider 'normal', but it's the next item on the docket, so here we go;
"Hi Stevil:
A few friends and significant others went to the 13th Annual Redbones Bike Party & Benefit on Monday night in Somerville, MA. We enjoyed delicious BBQ and local libations in support of New England Mountain Bike Association and MassBike. The grand prize of the raffle was a sweet basket bike crafted by Mike Flanigan of A.N.T Bikes.
Aside from having a sweet mustache, Mike makes awesome/practical/classic bikes. We ogled his show bikes like pederasts to eight year olds, Dude.
Our group was appropriately animated during the raffle - with as much Ooohing and Ahhhing at the various prizes as shaking of fists in the air and mild swearing when our numbers were not called. My wife slipped away mid-raffle to re-supply us with beer to drown our sorrows in, which only made our laments louder. I "caught" a free Redbones shirt that was 3 sizes too big for either of us. Liz used her womanly charms to exchange it for a shirt just 1 size too small for either of us. Dan declared to gf Keri that he was going to win a bike for their new apartment's "bike room".
The grand prize drawing induced a scream from our group - Dan, in fact, possessed the golden ticket. We were so happy that we howled and pounded out terrorist fist bumps. Congratulations from everyone around us came with genuine smiles and some with gritting, envious teeth. Upon verifying the winning numbers, Dan hugged Mike and our iPhones were out snapping grainy pics.
Luckily, higher skilled, sober photographers with better equipment were also there.
We took nervous test rides down a mostly empty street lined with mini kegs. I challenged a 10 year old riding a mini road bike to a race that I probably would have lost. It was a perfect Monday night in June. To quote my 1995 Primus shirt: It was an Evening of Enigmatic Enchantment;
-Steve I"
I appreciate the scoop from their corner of the world. I like that region, and I like the people from that region, though regardless of all the warm fuzzies that were contained in that communicaé, I can't help but be distracted by what is going on with this young woman;
Everyone seems to be fairly well enthralled with the exchange happening between Dan and Mike, or at the very least, the bicycle itself, though the brown haired girl seems to be choking back some sadness, or maybe she's so happy that Dan won that she is actually trying not to cry.
The fact of the matter is, I've made lots of girls cry, so I think I am a pretty good authority on this facial expression.
But upon further thought, perhaps that's the previously mentioned gf Keri, lamenting the fact that she had other plans for what is now going to be the bike room.
I suppose that I could be over thinking all of this and it's simply that she was just about to sneeze.
I haven't made very many girls sneeze.
So now for just a few more items, the first being a heads up from Bobo;
Many years ago my sister got a free ticket to see The Cure at Red Rocks, and she said it was pretty funny watching all of the pasty faced Goths, (Or 'Death Rockers' as we called them in the 80s) scurry about in an attempt to not get sunburned.
In an email from Loudass, he lets us in on what he's doing in his free time between being loud and an ass;
"Yes, I have created an army of genetically engineered J Mac clones. Beware."
Now all we need to do is to make a Tina B clone for each of them with little pill box hats and funny glasses and the party can begin.
From my very old and recently reacquainted friend Kevin, comes Google Street View's take on bikes.
All bike maps lead to my house.
Now get the hell off my lawn.
Finally from Yafro, he sends what might be one of my new favorite websites;
Based on the saga of last month's debacle, one might believe that I learned my lesson and have begun taking steps to not bite off more than I can chew, but I'm not the sort of person who learns lessons. Burn my hand on the hot stove? Well naturally the only course of action is to touch it again.
The fact of the matter is, so much of my very limited brain power is absorbed with matters concerning work, that nearly all other facets of my existence are sitting around me in unkept, crumbly little piles.
As I told someone recently, it's a wonder that I leave my house most days with my pants on forwards.
And as far as that goes, I did leave my house a few weeks ago without putting my belt on, but luckily I never leave the house without toe straps, so the public was saved yet again from having to stare at my Adonis-like butt crack.
Further more, the entirety of last week, I thought was in fact this week. I went so far as to send my mom's birthday present off on Friday so that it would get to her by Monday, even though I now realize that it didn't need to get there until next Monday.. And I could go on and on. My mind is so twisted up I simply don't know whether I'm coming or going. A final case in point- These staggeringly attractive and painstakingly handcrafted trophies (each with a certificate for a men's or women's short sleeved woolie in the color of the winner's choice on the back) that I made for the ECMC (which just took place in Berlin). Now as you can plainly see, they say CMWC, which if you travel in those circles, you most assuredly know has yet to happen in Tokyo..
Not only do I know this now, but I knew this when I was covered in hot glue, glitter and tiny jingle bells, but for some reason my brain wasn't letting my hands in on the secret. Lucky for me, I'm crafty with a marker and glue sticks, so just before the package went overseas, I was able to make the correction.
So I was very grateful when I got an email from the hotness that is Mahrou with an update from the event letting me know that despite my efforts to put egg all over my face, we all came out smelling like a rose;
"heya S,
Love the tags you made, and look at Porno Stevie who won, is also very happy.
I am also happy it was him who won the bike! This guy was always very fast and than he got cancer, couldn't work as a messenger anymmore of course. He won the battle and now is winning again, super special. Thanks that you still decided to sponsor the championship.
Kisses from Bcn! m
Ps, btw: My colleague Dave won the Spanish Messenger Championship. Cool huh? The fastest messenger of Spain works for me."
I also got a shout from Akeem, who was one of masterminds behind the event;
"stevil,
i stole this photo from facebook, we'll have "official" photos soon.
everything went nice, we've received great feedback.
i'll get back to you soon, thanks again for the support!
akeem"
Those Euros are truly lovely individuals, and I'm profoundly appreciative of their friendship and commitment to the cause and if you would like to take a look at more photos of the Euro Championships, all you gotta do is click here.
As long as were on the topic of hijinx beyond the boarders of our own Amerikuh-land, I'll drop an email full of goodness from our neighbor to the North, Kori;
"howdy Stevil and HTABL folks,
I have been following htatbl for a year or so, quite often feeling bummed that I am so far from the events that are happening. I wanted to pass this on in case there are others north of the border that share that, and in the chance that maybe folks in portland or seattle may feel inspired to make their way to Vancouver for this one.
It's time for the first Queer Park Wrestling Tournament. All queers and allied parties are welcome to participate in a full weekend event featuring a wrestling movie night on Friday June 19th.
Saturday:, competition rounds in thumb wrestling, arm wrestling, leg wrestling, and full contact wrestling. Tongue wrestling competitions will also be happening, un-judged. Saturday night dance party, theme wrestling/consent, and sunday championship matches and awards.
All competetion events happen at Strathcona Park, Vancouver BC, Canada. Spandex and costuming is highly engouraged. negotiation between all wrestlers mandatory.
(unfortunately youtube detected copyright violation with the music in our promo so we had to share it through face book....boo)
thanks for passing that on if you feel so inclined.
kori"
I do feel so inclined, and I should probably go on record to let you all know that I was all state tongue wrestling champion three years in a row, so my appearance at this event might be akin to me shooting fish in a barrel, but then again, I've never competed against a Canadian, so I can't say with certainty that I know what I'd be up against.
It just might be time to dust off the old singlet, and test my proverbial mettle.
Now then- from where I sit, the East Coast may as well be another country in terms of how damn far away it is (I still think America should be split up into quarters) but here is an email from over there that is full of the stuff that causes the chemical reaction that results in smiles;
Hello,
I recently moved a few boxes out of my mom's house, and found El Dorado hidden within...about 150 pencil drawings of metal bands (some made up, others real, like Slayer) that I made when I was 11 or so. Thought you might like to see them.
On the off chance, that you link to these in your blog, please don't use my real name (from this email address). a few New Jersey death metal bands want my head on a stick due to past posts on the blog. I failed to mention this to bikesnob, and he posted my name for all to see. doh."
I understand one's need for anonymity, and as such, the 'love, Doodlebug Snarkowitz' was my doing.
Secondly, upon further consideration, I have no idea what part of the country this email came from, so just to narrow it down I'll assume that it's from the Eastern seaboard somewhere, probably between Maine, and Florida.
After all, it just makes sense due to the simple fact that East Coasters go bananas for their Death Metal.
When discussing the giant expanses of this land, it stands to reason that I should segue into an email from Ken who currently is on a big old walk about, except that he's on a bicycle;
"Hey Stevil,
I thought you'd appreciate my current method of avoiding responsibility of any sort. I'm riding across the country with two other New Yorkers. We've got a blog.
We started on April 21st in Portland, and plan to get back to New York in the middle of July. Right now we're in Madison, Wisconsin on our way to the COG polo tournament in Milwaukee this weekend. Two of the three of us plan on competing in the tournament. And one of us plans on either doing well or wrecking a lot of stuff.
Our touring blog is long. I like to write a lot. There are a bunch of highlights in there, most of which happened in South Dakota - like the time we ran into a 22 year old traditional camping weekend in the Black Hills, and the time we slept behind a bowling alley.
Keep up the good work,
We're gonna keep riding
Ken"
Interestingly "doing well, or wrecking alot of stuff" succinctly describes not only my entire life, but the whole of my bicycle racing career. Unfortunately for those around me, as well as my own standing, I've done far more of the latter than the former.
Anyway, here is to hoping that Ken and his counterparts continue fighting the good fight, and as my father always told me when I was messengering 'safely staying out of underneath those vehicles'.
As if there were any other way to do so.
It also might be interesting to note that just as I began copying and pasting Ken's email, "Sailin' On" by the Bad Brains came on to serenade me through the process.
I can't think of a better sentiment for Ken and his posse's adventure.
How about this? Here we are at the end of yet another installment, and we've covered Death Metal, the European Messenger Championships, bicycle touring, Canadian wrestling, my own desperate need for a vacation and the resulting expansive strokes of ineptitude... Pretty well rounded if you ask me.
I should also include this email from Loudass that simply states, "Just TRY to hate on this. I dare you!"
I shant try to hate on that, because if histroy has taught us anything, it's that the great kings of Africa really do love their Budwesier.
Finally, Friendly Paul has decided that this coming Saturday might be a good day to have a re-do of the Joe-Parkin-Wrote-A-Book-About-Nice-Hair-Ride, and this time we're almost guaranteed not to drown in rain, so if that is something that you're feeling up to, you know the drill, though the departure will be a little bit later. Let's shoot for 10:30 this time.
Again, it's not a race, and this time around I don't know if I can pull off a whisky and donut stop so it's all about carrying your own. Also, I have no idea where Joe is, so we might have to celebrate his Joeness on our own.
I would like to note that Mr. Parkin is in the process of writing a follow up book, so we might just want to look at this one as a warm up for the next one, or perhaps a warm down from the last one.
Oh yeah, and a few weeks ago I got an email from somebody thanking me for posting a play list for a CD that The Snob sent me, and I said I'd post another of the one I sent him, but much like everything else, I forgot, so here you go;
Now my mind is clear.
Happy Wednesday everybody. Make sure you've got your pants on, and now get back to doing what you do.
When a group of dirtbags get together on one side of the planet, is it possible that it could cause a tidal wave on the other?
No, probably not, however I can say with certainty that that it can result in an epic hangover, thanks in no small part to the understanding of mixology that The Scout Master and Director Sporty possess, the latter of which is shown here bossing around some sharp rocks;
But before I get ahead of myself, I will explain that The Scout Master and Mrs. Scout Master foolishly invited us into their lovely home for a post ride barbeque, which resulted in beers, which then resulted in cocktails, which finally resulted in me passing out while watching The Wrestler with a mouth full of nachos.
Before the curtain fell however, these things happened;
And that my friends, is pretty much how I remember it.
Oh, there were waffles and bacon for breakfast the following morning, but at that point in the day I could barely figure out how to use a fork, let alone a digital camera.
Mail bag time? Yeah, probably.
First up, Jeremy from the Quijano Bike Company sent an email to let me know that their website is now live, but to also clue me onto this blog that had photos of a super tricked out new Swobo Del Norte;
That is sah-weet.
Ryan from The Bike Bloc wrote in as well to let us know that Seattle is showing no signs of slowing down, and that they are making a valiant effort in making up for any time lost during this past winter's doldrums;
"Oh Seattle. We are still going strong with events, the Westside Invite was a big success, and we've got lots more in store. Here is some stuff for June. There is more planned next month, and I'll get info out as it comes.
Spin fast, die young,
Ryan Schuetze"
They's some busy bees up there in Seattle. Must be the coffee.
Or the heroin.
Or both.
One of the local yokals that goes by the name of Matt sent an email that I should probably include, just due to the sheer drool factor of it;
"Stevil,
Dude, your site just cracks me up on a regular basis. That kid rapper on YouTube that you posted yesterday is just too funny!
I haven't picked up my new Hunter, so I don't have many pictures yet. But I thought I would send you a shot that Rick sent to me. The bike has a Schmidt hub with front and rear lights. The front platform is removable, revealing a standard touring rack. The rest is self explanatory.
Anyway, I know how much you appreciate Rick's work, so I thought I would send it your way. I can't wait to tour on my new rig!
Hope you are doing well!
Matt"
Yeah, you know I dig Rick's bikes. In the years that I've known him, they just keep getting better and better.
There just doesn't seem to be a limit to what he is capable of.
You know, with the exception of finishing my new bike, but you get what you pay for, right Rick?
KB wrote in with a random smattering;
"It's a kind of escape for us, a chance to break away from the daily reality of prison...
200 prisoners on bikes, and 10 cent beers... Though the two stories are unrelated, they could both be filed in the 'what-could-possibly-go-wrong?' file.
However if one were to combine them..
200 prisoners all blown out on 10 cent beers attempt to follow the path of the Tour Day France....
That's the stuff that legends are made of.
I think it's time we pinch this one off. As I've said many times before, here is to hoping that you all had good weekends and can grin and bear it until Monday's a memory.
Or do what it takes to make Monday more like Sunday.
Did you hear that? That's the sound of thousands of jaws all hitting the floor at once.
Moving on.. You know, of all the companies in the bicycle industry, I'm gonna go ahead and walk out on a limb to declare that Oakley has the greatest appreciation for two wheels, and understanding of sustainability.
In other news, I get emails from folks with some frequency concerning what's new on Swobo's plate in terms of upcoming designs and what not. Rest assured, we've got stuff cooking, not the least of which is something that I've got on my head, that you will probably soon have on yours.
And I'm not referring to a receding hair line.
Or if you wish, you can wear it on your knee;
We've got 'em in white as well as the displayed black, both of which should be available directly.
The especially cool thing about them as far as I'm concerned is that they are deep enough to be worn correctly, as presented here by a young Johnny T;
That is 'worn correctly' as opposed to 'worn incorrectly'; (However she can wear her cap pretty much any way she likes.)
Anyway, from a time that I was very young, I never cared for the look Mr. Lee is rocking too much. To me, it's somewhat akin to wearing a baseball cap backwards. Or even worse, a visor not only backwards, but upside down.
For that matter, you could just go all the way to the other side of planet WTF and sport one of these;
The nice thing about these however, is that you can spend the day at the park with your Pomeranian and then go to your job as a welder.
On Wednesday's post I went all bananas for my love of the drum, so it's only appropriate that I should include this next email from master bicycle builder, Chris Igleheart;
"Stevil
Keep up the good work killing the bummer life. So this is one option for a retirement gig for us old bike junkies.
-C. Igleheart"
I would love to see video footage of that guy in action, so if anybody across the pond is reading this, and can shoot a clip for me, I would be much obliged. (Ask and ye shall receive. As of this morning I've already gotten a grip of clips of this guy. Ironically I didn't think of typing in 'bicycle drum kit' or something similar into the Googles. That's what getting dropped on your head as a baby will get you.)
We also got an email from Michael, in which he describes bringing a friend along for a ride, even though they cant be with them physically;
Hey Stevil,
I don't know if you knew Mike Janelle or not but he was pretty rad. His b-day is June 7th. The Teva Games Road Bike TT up Vail pass is this sunday (the 7th) so I decided to make him part of the festivities. the paintings are right past the gate where it starts to hurt."
I didn't know Mike personally, but I have some friends who did and he sounded like a machine of a human being, though for my part, just after his passing he very deservedly fell head long into one of the first Friday Hero slots. I'm sure he would be quite happy with the efforts you've put fourth, and probably equally glad to be sitting on his friend's shoulders, laughing at what most assuredly will be grimaces spread across their faces.
Moving on.. Here on The Bummer Life I hope to never be considered a one trick pony, just talking about bikes, and beer, and bike culture, and beer, and guys with little heads who love the Insane Clown Posse. I want to be more than that, so in an attempt to further expand your minds, here is link that The Skipper sent me. It's the kind of thing that sorta just makes you say 'huh?
I thought I was the only one who buried those sorts of things.
Around these parts, you never know who the cat is gonna drag into the Swobo warehouse from one week to the next. Some days it might be someone we have no interest in talking to, like my cousin and his new bride;
But other days it's a fella like Dylan riding his newest creation;
You might remember Dylan from a previous post in which he was showing off another piece of his home made finery;
Dylan is cool as hell. In fact, I think he's like the Fonz, only he knows how to get radtarded with an industrial sewing machine, so that actually makes him cooler.
So, are any of you like me? An aging punk rocker, looking for love in all the wrong places?
Well, thanks to advances in modern technology, we're in luck because all of us social outcasts with the tattoos, the spiky hair and the Hot Topix gift cards can meet and greet at Punk Match(dot)com.
If you're lucky, you might even get to meet up with the super punker sex bomb that is Jill. Her best feature is her ass and seventeen grandchildren.
And while we're on the topic of love, I will close with an email from Mark;
"So Stevil, thought you might be interested to know that I thought I would be nice, so I sold my fixed gear to buy my girlfriend a commuter bike (Specialized Globe Vienna 3 Womens)...Now this is what I am riding...It's and old Kona mountain bike frame set up single speed with a front V brake and a rear cantilever brake with Electra Townie Balloon tires (which are super awesome and radtarded at the same time) with spoke beads on the wheels and an awesome Specialized Phenom ($85) mountain saddle...
It's my commuter now until I get my Specialiazed TriCross Expert...So for the mean time I have an awesome piece of shit while she has a super sick commuter bike. Do I have my priorities straight?
-Mark"
To answer your question as bluntly as possible- Yes Mark you do, because you know very well that if the shoe were on the other foot, she would do the same thing for you.
Plus you now have a whiteish bike that you can give all kinds of cool professional wrestler type of nick names to like 'The Vanilla Gorilla', or 'Mighty Whitey', or 'The Flying Honkey'.
Yeah, you did the right thing..
On that note, I'm out of here.
For those of you who are on the slippery slope towards the weekend, good on 'ya. For those of you who have to be at the J.O.B this weekend, that sucks.
The other night while I was busy engaging in my Monday ritual of taking photos of the television, I came across a fellow absolutely ripping a new one into a drum kit. My first impression was 'that guy looks like a drawing that I'd like', but as I wrapped my mind around what I was seeing, my jaw hit the floor. I think it's safe to say that Dan Caro got the crap kicked out of him by the bummer life, but has since shucked and jived his way around it with the deftness of a ninja;
Legendary drummer Johnny Vidacovich says it best-
"Dan Caro is a gift to the world. He’s got a flow on the drums that’s natural, like a ballet dancer. He gives the illusion of no gravity, like his whole body and every movement doesn’t feel resistance...The audience sees and they wonder. I think it makes everybody in the room feel great. I know it did for me. I felt, God have mercy, this is fantastic."
Too true.. That guy is incredible.
You know, I'm a big fan of percussion, though I can't myself seem to do anything with any sense of rhythm. (Get your mind out of the gutter.)
That being said, I always have been attracted to the art form, and when 685 originally introduced to Crash Worship in 1989, I was hooked.
If you've got the time, I suggest you watch the following series, and see if you can't pick me out.
Here is a hint- I was the one on drugs;
The great thing about these shows being that they were 20 years ago.. There was no internet, (useful) or Burning Man, (totally not) or really much of anything in terms of exchanging, or bastardizing ideas. A Crash Worship show really was purely a meeting of freaks.
True blue, certified freaks.
And now to digress. Sorta.
There are a group of similarly minded individuals out there in the Windy City who like bikes and getting their weird on with some frequency as well;
As you might well imagine, I get a boat load of alleycat flyers here and the folks from Team Beerd have won me over with their unique sensibilities and knack at never taking themselves seriously.
You know, I actually have a few alleycat flyers I need to unleash here for your edification, but first here is a super sweet one, plus an email from Ben;
"I was wearing my blue sunday bobby checking out cyclingnews(dot)com's pictures from the Lisbon Downtown downhill race today (which looks increda-radtacullar to say the least) and noticed that I happened to be shirt buddies with the champion of the world Mr. Peat.
Thought you might appreciate the press.
I also thought, since you seem to be pretty good at getting the word out as it were you might be so inclined to throw the attached flyer up. A friend of mine, Ines, that I road ride with on the weekends is planning on starting up a fixed shop here in Beijing and although I'd be surprised if you have a fanbase in Beijing much beyond me you never know, this might spread the word to a few more people.
Plus it's also just plain cool that stuff like this is starting to happen in China. Double plus, the flyer makes my eyes happy.
Keep it up with the radness.
-Ben"
There isn't much I don't like about that email. I like Steve very much, and have from the first day I met him. I like that there are some people in China that are holding it down, and I like that flyer.. I really don't see how we can go anywhere from there but down.
Or maybe sideways..
Kate sent this flyer on, but I'll be damned if I can remember where the event is taking place, so if there is a place in your town called The Tonic, maybe that's where you oughta be on Saturday.
Hell, even if the race isn't happening at the Tonic you're at, you're still at a place called The Tonic, so it's a win-win.
How about I post this photo of BP's dad from back in the day, cause it's just about the most awesome thing ever?
Here is a bit of news for you.. Our own 6'7" is making his way out of dodge, and now we have a very part time wrench position opening up.. Our first candidate was this guy, but his box number is no longer active;
Anyway, if you know of someone who's interested, have 'em give us a shout.
Finally, I have a communication from our dear Uma, who is out and about having the adventure of a life time, and if you haven't been keeping up on her activities, I recommend you do.
Anyhow, she spilled some beans on me, which I'm more than happy to share with you;
It's wordy, but good god, it's worth it;
Just like Uma;
"I haven't even moved in to the neighborhood but already I'm kicking ass and taking names starting shit. Last Thursday when I rolled into town, I headed straight for the brewpub downtown. Just sporting a little black halter dress and pink cowboy hat, driving into town with my 29er and my road bike on the car (I saran wrapped the forks and headsets/bars because the bugs were sooooo awful for over 600 miles! Not joking, laugh all you want) garnered a lot more attention than it probably should have. I'd like to think it was me, not the plastic wrapped bikes, but who knows?
Anyway, the point is: being a smart, attractive new girl in a town full of adventure type outdoorsy intellectual menfolk, with a couple of sexy, fast bikes and legs to match wields a power that boggles the mind.
I was intoxicated for a couple of days: drunk on the possibilities. Friday I gathered up a posse of girlfriends to head to the first annual Bend Bicycle Film Festival. It was a breed apart from your typical urban bike fests—not a single hipster in the house. Just a bunch of people who hit the green a lot (and I ain't talking golf) and ride bikes. A lot. Nearly 100% MTB oriented and very homespun, the festival included a few notable video excerpts from famous films, but the majority were local riders making movies about riding. Lots of whoopdees, tabletops, skinnies, and just general dirty mayhem. I don't know the exact number of backyard pump tracks here in Bend, but I'm betting they outnumber the total number of clean TDF riders.
Favorite film moment: We meet a kid, he shows us his pump track and rides, then introduces his friend, who has an even bigger pump track and stunts and we see him bulldozing and building even bigger stuff. Finally he introduces a third friend who has both arms crossed over his chest in casts, who simply says "I was gonna show you my sweet new track, but since I broke both my arms and can't even wipe my own *** (expletive bleeped out) ...
Anyway. I've sobered up a bit, and focused on riding again. Besides, I only want one of your kind anyway. God knows if I can't understand one man, I couldn't possibly handle more than that.
As such, my first xc race of the year happens to be this weekend right here in XC heaven, Bend, OR. I attempted to preride the course today, but though there are many excellent maps for the trail system, many intersections and road crossings are unmarked. The bad news: I have no f*cking clue what I rode today--maybe about 50% of the race course. The good news: I got in a 5 hour ride, not including the time I stopped to chat with these boys who are building a fairly substantial Whistleresque freeride stunt trail called "Old Dirty Pirate".
Nick on the right there is the designer and US Forest liaison who has been planning this little deal for about a year. This is about 2 weeks into construction, and all to Whistler FR standards they tell me. Don't let anyone tell you riding in Bend is for reformed roadie XC sissies on 29ers... like me. There is something for everyone here, and more of this freeride and trials stuff is being planned and built all the time.
Anyways. I'll be moving here. Colorado was great and all, and I could still easily see living in Nederland after they enter the 21st century, but there's just something right about here. No coin toss required. The riding is like--take the best of Fruita and the best of the Front range and now toss in some of the finest brewpubs known to man... Can't beat it.
But before I even change my zipcode, I've organized a full moon night ride this weekend. In Portland the only way you can get some decent singletrack riding in within city limits is to poach trails at night. Here, it's completely unneccesary, so no one rides much at night. Why would you ride at night? they ask me.
Because it's radtarded, I reply, with a wink and a nod in your general direction;"
So there you have it.. Uma is living the dream, and we all get to stand as witness.
And as far as her ride goes, if you know, you'll go, and if you don't, you'll stay home and take photos of your television.
That's it... Another Wednesday on the books. Make like Prince and party like you're short and purple.
Go here to take the first step. It should also be noted that these bottles are in fact BPA, DEHA, and DEHP free. This is a good thing, cause all those initials mean badness gets in the way of the goodness.
