Right out of the gate, I feel the need to correct something I'd mentioned on Friday.
I said that I had 40 virgins waiting for me in Heaven, which apparently is incorrect. In reality there will be 72 virgins, though recently it has come to light that there may very well have been a lapse in translation and there aren't 72 virgins, but in reality there will actually be 72 Raisins.

After blowing yourself up in a public market, I can't think of a bigger gyp than that.

In bicycle news, Danny B and I made a post work jaunt into a nearby slice of woods to get all cross-bikey on Friday evening where for the first time I cleaned a previously mentioned rock drop that has up until now, eluded my skinny wheeled exploits;

In all honesty, there has been some maintenance on this section since the first time I rode it on my mountain bike making it slightly less daunting, though the penalty is just as severe;

What exists beyond the pit of darkness to Danny B's left is another 40 feet of straight down, that when teetering on the brink of the rock lip, almost sends me into a swirling fit of vertigo that is all but impossible to ignore.

Now you are probably thinking to yourself "that doesn't look like that big of a deal", and you are right, but as the king of mediocrity, and marginal bike handling skills, it was still a fairly respectable accomplishment for me, so much like Jeremy Powers, at the conclusion of my feat, I earned myself a cookie.

Now, in an email from Christopher to our own Erin The Sales Maven, he elaborates on some of his own home baked goodness;

"Here's a couple of pics from the trainer races held the other night.

We tried to showcase Swobo's killer item's to the fullest. I won with only 8 beers in my belly and a veggie burger and only puked four times. Go figure. Feel free to share with Stevil, all things bummer related were avoided. There's one photobomb as well.

Cheers,
Christopher"

While we're on the topic of roller racing, I promised some friends in Cincinnati that I would blow up an event they they are having this coming weekend;

There is no word yet whether Dr. Johnny Fever, Venus Fly Trap or Les Nessman will be in attendance.

But back to Christopher's email for a second- The photobomb is high art, and I'm growing increasingly fond of it. In the Bummer Life's 2008 recap, I'd mentioned not only a love for the photobomb, but a grand appreciation for pranks as well.

Now I had previously seen the following clip before;

But what I only realized the other night is that on YouTube, Prank Vote has an entire collection of what makes me all glowy and warm that can be found here.

Those guys appeal to the mean spirited streak in me like hardly none before them.

Captain Dave has pulled back the reins on his "Kaptain's Korner" lately, but came through in a big way when he forwarded on this list of doping cases in cycling.

By far my favorite was this;

"1924
Henri Pélissier, Francis Pélissier, Charles Pélissier of France. In 1924, following their abandon of the Tour de France, the first real drug scandal arose when the Pélissier brothers gave an extraordinary interview to journalist Albert Londres.

They said that they used Strychnine, cocaine, chloroform, aspirin, "horse ointment" and others drugs to keep going. The story was published in 'Le Petit Parisien' under the title 'Les Forçats de la Route' ('The Convicts of the Road'). Francis is reported as saying "In short, we run on dynamite." Henri is reported as saying "Do you know how we keep going? Look, this is cocaine, chloroform, too. And pills? You want to see pills? Here are three boxes - We run on dynamite." Francis Pélissier said much later: "Londres was a famous reporter but he didn't know about cycling. We kidded him a bit with our cocaine and our pills." Even so, the Tour de France in 1924 was no picnic."

Oh my god... "WE RUN ON DYNAMITE"?

Awesome.

As I sat at my desk in a daze at all of this information, nothing could have prepared me for the epic response that only moments later came from Joe Parkin;

Wikipedia- Erik de Vlaeminck of Belgium, never failed a drugs test in his racing career, but he was treated after it for amphetamine addiction at a psychiatric institute. Many stories circulate about his supposed wild behaviour after races and after his career was over and when he returned to racing, the Belgian federation would offer him a licence for only a day at a time until it saw how his life would progress. He refuses to speak of this period of his life.

Joe replied- "EdV was one of the best bike handlers the world has ever known. The dude could ride on a railroad rail as far as he wanted. Vlaams legend has it that it was when he stood on top of a church one night screaming "Ik ben God" that amphetamines were made controlled substances and were no longer available over the counter."

Wikipedia-Dietrich Thurau ("Didi") of Germany tested positive on 3 occasions in 1980 and again in 1987.

Joe replied- "I finished a race in Germany once and watched this dude ride up to our mechanic, grab the cleaning supplies out of his hand and procede to wash his bike, then mine and another one of my teammate's before going to the showers. He was high as fuck."

Wikipedia- Adri van der Poel the Dutch world cyclocross champion and Tour de France stage winner tested positive for Strychnine. He said that his father-in-law, had served a pigeon pie for Sunday lunch, and only when he tested positive did he realise that the pigeons had been doped with strychnine.

Joe replied- "This is actually true."

Wikipedia- Gert-Jan Theunisse of the Netherlands tested positive for testosterone during the Tour de France and received a ten-minute penalty which moved him from fourth to eleventh place overall.[84] He admitted in 2000 to using illegal substances during his career, according to an interview published by the Dutch regional newspaper Dutch "Eindhovens Dagblad". He confessed "to having used a great deal of Celestone," a corticoid, but he denied to having taken testosterone

Joe replied- "Normal" testosterone levels (as tested) are between 3000 - 8000. They used to not look at a rider until 10,000. Theunisse's was over 20,000. vdPoel told me that the dude used to bust a nut in the PDM bus simply by watching the porn - no hands on."

Wikipedia- Johan van der Velde of the Netherlands undertook hospital treatment for his addiction to amphetamines at the end of his career. He said in an interview with the author Jan Siebelink ("Pijn is genot") that he had trouble coping when that success began to dry up. Van der Velde said he remembered shivering at the start of an Italian race, the skin of his arms wrinkled in goosebumps, because of the amphetamine he had taken just to start. He was also disqualified from the 1981 Liege-Bastogne-Liege race.

Joe replied- "This dude was crazy! We were teammates in '90 and dropped out of the Fleche Wallone together. I watched as he chased this lady and her dog down the street - he was on his hands and knees, barking. He did a little stint in the clink for breaking into mailboxes. Our director joked that he was just really into stamp collecting."

Wikipedia- Geneviève Jeanson of Canada recorded a hematocrit level in excess of the allowable limit while with the Canadian National Team preparing for the World Championships in Hamilton, Ontario, in late 2003. She was required to withdraw from competition for two weeks. She explained the finding by reference to an oxygen tent which she used as part of her conditioning and training program. After years of denial, in an investigative documentary broadcast on Radio-Canada (the French-language CBC) on September 20, 2007, Jeanson acknowledged having taken EPO more or less continuously since age 16.

Joe replied- "Stevil, this is the chick who sent the shorts back to us at Castelli full of world champion pubes."

That view that you all are all in awe of right now? That's the view of the underside of professional cycling, looking straight up from the bottom.

I don't know about you, but from where I stand, it's breathtaking.

Saturday came and went, and with it, the chance to excuse myself for a bit more re-con for the Joe Parkin's-got-nice-hair-recognition-and-Dog-In-a-Hat-commemorative bicycle ride.
With two flats and a little bit of snacking, the ride ended up clocking in right around four hours, forty miles and judging by the almost unrecognizable form that my torso cramped into during one of the climbs, about 200,000 feet of elevation gain.

I saw some things that I'd like to share with you now.

First I saw this; (I think there may be an ocean out there.)

Then I saw this; (On a whim I took a right on a little trail/ravine that I'd only noticed once before, though had not ventured on to. To my surprise, it was the most buffed and lovely, secret little single track that I've ever had the pleasure to ride in California.)

Then emerging from that, I saw this;

When the trees finally cleared, I had a lovely view to the South East;

After rolling over hill and dale, and being chased for about a quarter mile by a rather unfriendly looking dog, I finally emerged back into the sun, and with a glance over my shoulder, decided to turn around and snap a shot of this;

And not to gloat, but I feel the need to remind you all that the date was January 18th.

...January 18th...

Every single frozen and god forsaken winter I ever spent in Colorado, every yard of driveway I had to shovel, and every single stick of firewood I ever had to cut and split.. And believe me, there were alot of them- are made up for bit by bit by days like this.

And yes, as a matter of fact I did have to walk to the bus stop, through the snow, uphill both ways, thankyouverymuch.

Though as a side note, I can't neglect to mention that the energy to sustain the aforementioned adventure was provided by our friends at Doma Coffee who have been unbelievably generous with the brown gold;

I hadn't noticed it before, but looking at that man in the fez is not alot unlike looking into a mirror.

Well my friends, here we are at the conclusion of another installment, and I'm feeling pretty good about it. I'd also like to mention that Demonika and I will be blowing this pop stand and heading for points North. Rest assured, I'll have a little somethin' somethin' up here Wednesday, but will be back in your loving ams sometime the following week.

El Corpo, Machine Wilkins, Pinto, and DanO, I leave the baby in your capable hands.
Make me proud.

And for the rest of you, I'll be counting the moments until we're together again.