And another from Jon;

"He's 6' 6", and owns it.

Unicorns are bitey. Phone pix.

Jon Guinea
Oakland, CA"

But then Ciaran writes;

"I can't believe I'm the first to send this to you, but I feel it's my duty to pass it on just in case."

I cant believe it either, but then again, the video is only a few days old, though let it be known from this day forward, unicorns are out, and Red Fang is in.
Thanks for sending that, and rest assured, I promptly forwarded it on to a slew of folks that could use it.

Its hard to maintain sobriety knowing that those guys are out there fighting the good fight on their own.
You know.. I didnt exactly fall off of the wagon on Saturday, but my leg did hang off the side and I dragged a toe on the ground when I drank a pint with lunch.

It was delicious.

Ben gave us a shout and let us know his weekends ride went down just about as rad as mine did;

"I had a peach of a ride this weekend. As you know Saturday was pretty damn wet here in the bay. I tried to wait for the rain to stop but couldn’t. My Jake would not shut up! “This is what I’m made for” it said, “pussy” is what it called me. I don’t know about you but I don’t let nothing talk that way to me, not shots, not bacon and sure as hell not bikes!

About two seconds into the ride my chamois was pushing water out of my shorts like a bilge pump on the Titanic. I hung in there until my wheels hit dirt, made some good loose turns and headed home. Picked up a thorn that didn’t think air in my rear tire was important (thanks). As I’m searching for the saboteur of this less than perfect ride, I realize that my last speed patch is not what I expected it to be. Its not important what was in the speed patch case, nor is it important that I didn’t have fire, a piece or sufficient coverage to make use of the illicit stowaway.

I began to walk, in the rain, pushing a quiet bike.

I specifically remember getting passed by some Dude on a Cannondale while I was flat. Keep in mind I’m trudging through mud on the side of the trail, pushing my ride and wearing my tube bandolier style. I emerged from the trail to see Jackass loading his bike onto his X5 and driving away. I should have known better than to expect any help from someone who thinks a Cannondale is a “sweet ride”, not to mention the BMW.

I kept walking.

Jesus saved me. He was in a Ford F-150, white. He leaned his head as far across the bench seat as he could and said in broken English, “I know the flat”. I wanted to ask him if he knew the “soaked to the bone, just wanna shower and drink a beer” but I figured he did. Dudes name really was Jesus and he really did save me. His empathy toward my two wheel mishap was exactly what I needed to restore my faith in humanity.

Oh yeah this clip doesn’t hurt either.

Thanks Stevil

Ben

PS: To the guy on the Cannondale. Next time we meet, I’m gonna set your Country Music Award on fire."

That was as much of a roller coaster ride as they come, thereby proving once and for all that Cannondale is truly the ride of champions.

Dan stuffed a note in the mail bag to give us a quick heads up about how his Halloween went;

"Year 6 spending Halloween in New Orleans for the wife and I.

Thought you would dig knowing that the cab that showed up to take us to the French Quarter Halloween night was New Orleans Cab #666.

I got a pic, but I left my camera in New Orleans. It's coming back cuz it was found, and the wife is going back in a few weeks, so I'll email it when I get it.

-dan"

Never leave your digital camera anywhere. God knows what kind of shots will end up on it, but just so were clear, Id like to take a look at them anyway.

Oh yeah, and my mom wouldnt forgive me if I didnt point out that its actually "my wife and me." She busted my balls on that rule for my entire life, so I guess that I could return the favor to others.

Halloween around these parts was not too much to write home about. I hid from the children, and laid on the floor, putting the finishing touches on my costume for this coming weekend.
I literally beat the crap out of myself for missing this last year, and I have sworn not to make the same mistake twice.
Lesson learned.

Besides, Halloween tends to steer me down a road that I aint too keen on traveling.
Case in point- this email from Kurtz;

"Hope Halloween went well for you. I hosted that scavenger hunt/costumed bicycle race that that was a lot of fun.

Then I had way too much to drink. Enough to spend the night in Jail (spend 10 hours, pay $ 120, and it's all over).

In my French Sailor Mime costume, complete with makeup.

I'm sure there's a lesson in all of this.

- kurtz "

Im sure there is, and in another five or ten years that lesson might begin to make sense.
...Ill bet he was a smash in the cell block...

Photographic evidence from this past weekends Homie Fall Fest is beginning to trickle in, but the following shot from Rich could arguably be the most important of them all;

"3:35:09am – If you go deep into the urban woods, stay up real late, and are real quiet, you’ll see come wild shit come out.

The flash startled them and they scurried/stumbled away before I could shoot another – or gather any physical evidence, (luckily).

Believe me, this photo ain’t been retouched.
– Rich"

Id probably be shocked if it wasnt a scene Ive seen played out so many times before.

CFO (Cody Fu*king Oats, remember) gave us a shout to let us know about just how seriously they take racing in Boulder;

"Chris Greasfuck put on a real doozy this weekend....Sunday was actually a sick course, but there was a cadge between the run-up and a climb that constituted the "beer garden". No hyjinx to speak of, except for the Mafia Racing dudes who had super secret PBR's, a killer 4-square tourney and a par-tay at the Rocky Flats Lounge Mini Phinney wasn't allowed to go to.

CFO"

As I mentioned somewhere in the comments, the caged beer garden runs an eerily paralleled line to George Bush's "Free Speech Zones"® that were erected a safe distance from wherever he was publicly spewing his drivel.
'You can do what you want, as long as its by my rules, and confined away from the upstanding citizens.'

Hey did you all notice that theres little bars with little symbols on all of the How to Avoid the Bummer Life entries now? If you click on them, they allow you to do stuff. What specifically, Im not entirely sure though. I know if you click on them and wish to have super powers and x-ray vision and a race car and a million dollars and a house with a fireman pole and a waterslide, and BMX jumps in the backyard that they dont really do anything, but Jay the super web guy put them there so theyve got to do something kinda cool.

Heres another email from Nick, once again proving that the Bummer Life audience has got my back;

"When i voted today I had one choice for Sheriff. So I worte you in. One guy running isn't so fair..."

As I replied to Nick, Its good folks like him that will ensure that I will win something, somewhere, someday. I can just feel it in my bones.
No sooner do I say I might win something someday does the UPS man darken my door carrying a box from The Hive containing a set of my very own single speed Chub Hubs.

It was too kind of the folks from The Hive to bestow these upon me, and I look forward to beating the holy hell out of them. I know Ive mentioned it before, but I always kinda wished that they came with a toy surprise inside of them, but chances are not very good that Id ever get in there to retrieve it anyhow.
Anyhow, they look sweet, and weird and light and like they just might be the missing ingredient from my long postponed and imminent break out race season.
As always, Ill keep you posted.

Up next we have two clips that will most assuredly make you poo right outta your own mouth;
Here we have Ruben Alcantara, and Sean Burns;

Sooooooo sick.

I think I should reiterate that I will be absent on Friday and you probably shouldnt expect a post on Monday either, as I will be busy having more fun than humanly possible with the likes of Captain Dave, Stan Beaver, and whatever stripper happens to be within ear shot.
Rest assured, Ill be back with stories that will make your eyes weep tears of virgin blood, and battle scars to prove them all to be true.

Well, Its Wednesday today, and I cant let the sun set on this post without mentioning the fact that Barack Obama is the new president of the United States of America and for that, at this point anyway, Im extraordinarily glad.
If you need me, Ill be in the woods, tipping one back in celebration.

Sobriety be damned.