Life around these parts tends to turn a bit chaotic around the end of the month, as it would seem that every bike shop in the world suddenly places orders with us simultaneously, but in an unusual turn, Wednesdays work load got handled fast and early and The Skipper and I shaded out for a midday run through the woods.
It was a sorely needed break, and lucky for us we had the chance to do it. Unlucky for us, the ride occurred a bit too soon after a fat lunch of bacon burgers, so just as I was putting the screws to The Skipper, our lunches began putting the screws to us, which resulted in a mid-ride rest;
Which had us seeing a whole lot of this;
Not a bad way to spend the afternoon, if you ask me.
im displaying 5 of my bikes at this and giving a seminar on how to modify pixies for competition. i cant wait to see reaction from the boulder crowd. its gonna be silly but i have serious track racing stuff to back it all up.
oh and i cut my own hair earlier tonight. it is now short and dark blue. i got a matching dark blue suit for the show too...like a comic book politition.
eric."
Its good that Eric has some serious track racing stuff too, cause you know.. In Boulder they take racing seriously.
Seriously serious.
JRW, the individual to whom I presented my laminated moustache, and who has signed up for the armed forces did me a solid and resent an email that Id received before but immediately lost. He writes;
"hey i think you let this one slip through the cracks. You said you'd put it up and i think you said something like danzig was being beaten to death by bacon in new york and you had to bring equilibrium to the universe again and various other things to attend to. Either way i know that you didn't not want to put this on so here you go... these are what my life has amounted to up until now. By the way this is probably my last dispatch before i go off to boot camp. starting Monday its all about folding underwear right and getting yelled at but then i get to run nuclear reactors. Seriously. anyway enjoi.
John"
You know how your teacher made you write a paper about your summer? well this is my free form attempt. These pictures will make you laugh and make you cry but reassure you that the Bummer Life was avoided for one more summer. Peeps this shit;
Picture #1
I went to the Indy 500 and this was the random that i saw walking around. Notice the mustache. (Editors note- never trust a man with a moustache, hillside strangler glasses and basketball shorts.)
Picture #2 and #3
These specimens of "awesome" were at a "custom" car show that for no rhyme or reason I was at. (Editors note- This what all cars look like in Sacramento/my truck looks like when Loudass rides in the back.)
Picture #4
Photo bombing - party requirement #12 (Editors note- When its hard to tell whos bombing who, is it truly a 'photo bomb'?)
Picture #5, #6, #7, and #8
The 2 mile Challenge crew came through town and this lady popped my Swobo cherry. Notice the smiles as the Folsom requires smiling and feeling like a kid and note my super hard core track stand. Yes my pockets match my shirt but the shirt was given to me by Mike Vallely and the pockets are handmade by yours truly. (Editors note- I have a tremendous crush on the entire '2 Mile Challenge' crew, and is it me, or in that last shot, does John look a little like a young Lee majors?)
Picture #9
This is the other roommate. I could state all the reasons why this picture is awesome but let that argument begin and end with the fact that there is a picture in the upper right hand corner of a women's naked bike race which I use to cover up a window so that I can walk around naked in my apartment. (Editors note- The only thing between my apartment walking nakedness and my neighbors bummed out eyes are my windows. Perhaps I should enlist a similar tactic.)
Picture #10
The next stop is the State fair. This is the hay bail beauty pageant. Much more hard core than those 4h'ers who compete in the jar of corn category. (Editors note- I never knew so much beauty could be contained within a block of grass.)
Picture #11
This is the lactation station for breast feeding. Even funnier is I have a shirt that says lactation Station Staff because my mom works at the Health Dept. and was in charge of one of the stations. (Editors note- I think Ive finally found my calling.)
Picture #12
If you drove a tractor you know you would drive this one. (Editors note- I do, and would most likely drive it to work at the lactation station.)
Picture #13
Alright I saved the best for last and this the closest I could get. Trust me i checked the whole barn and stepped in lots of pig shit for this one. Personally I think the last one was upside down. (Editors note- stepping in pig shit wouldnt have been an issue if youd only been wearing some $75.00 rubber boots.)
Picture #14
This is a 26" wheel bike. That makes this guys inseam gigantic. This guy should get the Bummer Life Avoidance Role Model of the year award. (Editors note- Life just hasnt been the same for him since the Bulls let Dennis Rodman go.)
Hope you liked all that. That just took me 2 hours because apparently I suck at HTML and got it all deleted.
Love John"
I did like that, and I trust all 15 people reading this did as well. Id also like to wish John well on the new chapter in his life, and I hope that it treats him well.
Its been a little while since weve featured a Friday Hero, and after trolling the internet for a suitable prospect I came across this guy.
Welcome totally-broken-ankle-guy to the esteemed list of Friday Heros.
Really, its the least we could do.
Bert from Oxygen Cycles wrote in to let us know that all is well (and evil) in his hood on the biodiversity front;
"aye, I was riding home from work and I noticed the phone number on this sign and I thought of you guys.
It's good to know someone important is in charge of looking after biodiversity in our area.
Bert"
The Devil wears many hats Bert. Many hats...
Ben wrote in with some fairly pressing news;
"Hey Stevil,
I saw this while avoiding.
I think bikes for animals is an untapped market, not to mention all the accesories.
If Swobo cultivates this idea I want my cut!
Thanks in advance.
Ben"
Ill just go ahead and get on record by saying that its absolutely no accident that the hecklers in this particular race are wearing orange jumpsuits.
Though its got nothing to do with monkeys on bicycles, in the literal sense, Lonnie wrote in with a heads up on what is my personal favorite bicycle of all time, as well as a link to some jackassery;
"Hey Stevil,
Thought you might enjoy a picture of my Eddy Merckx, outfitted in full CiTy BiLLy fashion.
We just had our fall classic, Schnoctobeerfest, a bike & beer buffet.
Saving the World One Beer at a Time,
eDLoNNiE"
One beer at a time, indeed.
Hey, for that matter, Im going to proudly announce that its been a week and a half since I boarded the sober train, and Im feeling just fine, thank you.
Staying away from bacon however is an entirely different matter, and is made even more difficult because of emails such as the one I received not once but twice on Wednesday;
I, like many of your readers, share your penchant for all things bacon. It can be tough to get all the vitamin P(ork) you need in today's hustle and bustle world. Here are some tips for you and your readers that range from helpful to down right ingenious.
Lucky"
Just reading the list made my heart stop.
Now while it might seem based on the scribblings herein that I go overboard on the pink wonderousness, Id like it to be known that I am a die-hard subscriber to the 'all things in moderation, including moderation' method of living, and limit everything I consume or activities I partake in to reasonable, and responsible amounts.
Except sour Jelly Bellys.
I probably tend to go way overboard on those things...
You know, its totally Halloween today, and I thought you might like a preview of one of my costumes, shot by Hernando at this past weekends cross race;
Ironic beer delivery jacket? Check.
Studded belt on sideways? Check.
Tons of bandanas and other assorted hardware hanging from my person? Check.
Red, white and blue terry cloth wrist band? Check.
Ironic cop shades? Check.
T-shirt thats too small for me? Check.
Messenger bag with nothing in it but a helmet? Check.
Trucker hat sitting on my head 'just so'? Check.
Assortment of spoke cards? Check.
Pants borrowed from a girl that weighs approximately 70 pounds less than I do? Check and check.
I dont know if this will make the final cut, as I did such a spot on job nobody knew it was actually a costume.
In fact one fellow begrudgingly muttered to me in passing, "go back to The Mission..."
The only give away is that Im like, 100 years old.
Sadly, the only thing that was missing was my ironic moustache, but luckily I later found one of those on the counter at 7-11;
So anyway, heres to hoping that everyone eats their body weight in candy this weekend, and then goes to a party where a person in a big bear costume picks up on you and then takes their head off and theyre really hot, so you take a cab back to their place and you make out, but then after a while you remembered that you left your bike at the party, and you eventually make your way back there, but then you dont remember where your new friend lives, and you spend part of the night riding around wondering how you could be so dumb, so you go back to the party and do a jello shot that doesnt really taste like the color that it is. Like youre sitting there thinking, "if its an orange shot, then it stands to reason that it should taste like orange", and then you see these guys smoking pot in the corner and you remember a funny trick you played on your friend in high school, where you made yourself a piece of bread with peanut butter on it, but you scooped out a whole bottle of Carmex onto one corner and covered it up with the peanut butter, and you were eating the other part, and your stoned friend walked up and was super zoned out on you eating, so you offered him a bite, and then you took it back and had another bite, and then graciously offered him the rest of it, which he popped into his mouth in one bite, and then twisted his face into one of total horror, as he began bobbing around the kitchen going "Ohhaweeehhhh, Ohhhh..Ewwwwwwwwwwuhhhhh...!" and rubbing his tongue on his shirt sleeve.
Rocky laid that first one on us, which is awesome, and then El Pirata Grande came along with this. I now present to you the 'uniporn';
Yeah yeah.. I like Danzig, Bacon, moustaches, blablabla.. But what you didnt know about me is that Ill crap a rainbow for a unicorn.
Speaking of El Pirata Grande, he just wrote the feature article about this thing that the kids are doing called 'single speed mountain biking'. I know it sounds crazy, but get this...these guys are actually riding regular mountain bikes, but with no shifters or derailleurs or anything on them...
No- in all seriousness, keep your eyes peeled for the new issue of Bike Monkey, and feast them on just about the most complete synopsis of this sorded wedge of the bike world to date.
I was fortunate enough to read the rough version and I dont think Rachel Lloyd or Carl Decker were mentioned once.
Say, did you all know that there are some Halloween alleycat races happening?
How about this one that Kurtz sent to us in Norfolk;
CFO, (Cody Fu*king Oats, dontchaknow?) sent this on to us with an email that simply stated "I have irrigating boots….they are black, covered in shit and cost 15 bucks."
Now working for Swobo, and under El Corpos guidance, I understand the actual cost of purchasing something made in China. Im very proud to work for a company who makes a good bit of what we produce domestically, and that that is not, is made by folks who are making a decent living wage.
But 75 dollars for a pair of rubber boots?
Holy mother of god..
But then again, Im enough of a gear whore that if I actually had $75.00 to burn, Id probably buy myself a pair. Hell, for that matter Id buy The Skipper and 6'7" a pair, and then wed go wage war on one another with our soft pellet guns.
Happy...
In the mud....
In our 75 dollar rubber boots...
One from Sky;
Its funny cause its true.
Captain Dave of the Evil Squad wrote in with a short version of what happened this past weekend, and a long version of what happened this past weekend;
"First, I send you the General Lee and you do not use it on htatbl. (Editors note- I have no idea what hes talking about.) But now, NOW, I send you a picture of such importance, that you simply must use it in your next outpouring of unique drivel.
It's 4:24, and I've opened my first Hamm's.
This is me, racing in Astoria, in the Cross Crusade in Oregon. The funnier bit was that my woman dressed up like Danny Cheever. Jumpsuit, wig, drunk, violent, grabbing folks' stuff. It was beautiful.
But my costume was way fucking better.
You're a dick.
This weekend was Halloween racing, observe my write up here."
It should be noted that while Dave and I have had a long and tumultuous relationship, weve only actually laid eyes on one another one single time, and as time goes by, I realize thats this is probably for the best.
On the day we met, it was everything we both could do to not punch each other in the face, and then fall down on the sidewalk crying, wrapped up tight in a warm embrace.
He has that effect on people.
Pusherman Terry who supplies us with our fix kindly sent a flyer for a throwdown theyre getting ready to have at their digs in Idaho;
"Yo Stevil....longtime reader, second-time emailer (there is a picture of me and Danzig on yr site, from a couple months back)....anyway,
I figure with yr fondness for facial hair, you could maybe give my blog a bump:
pretty self explanatory...the more submissions, the more likely a CEASE AND DESIST....which would rule!!!!!!!
pedal on bro!!"
You had me at 'Danzig'.. really now folks, why dont you get your pens and pencils busy and contribute to my man. Think of it like a 'Make-a-Wish-Foundation' for a derelict.
One of my compatriots over there on GWCTOH, has got some action cooking that hes in the process of blowing up, and considering that were both holding down in the same proverbial trench, I thought it was only right to give him some props here.
Open your eyes and prepare to take in the 'Empire' teaser;
Prollys one of the hardest working souls in the business.
DPow! wrote to us;
"Its gettin cold up here, so well, you know we burn stuff...."
You know, 'Golfclap' out there in Boulder (where they take racing seriously) probably wouldnt approve, so in light of that, I just have to say 'keep up the good work.'
Barry also wrote to us;
"I meant to send you some Wisco updates earlier, but thats the thing about knocking yourself out... you forget stuff."
Its a good thing that Barry had some duct tape to hold his face together or else he would have looked really tore up.
You know, its at this point in the post that I once again have to make a plea to the ladies that read this thing- (and I know youre there. I get emails from you periodically, and I see that were linked on various other blogs which are operated by the fairer sex)- Please, for the love of all that it right and just- send me race reports, hijix reports, ride reports, UFO sightings, tell me about the dream you had last night about being late for your flight aboard a plane that was made of summer sausage.. You name it, I need it.
Dont get me wrong.. Its not that I dont love hearing from the 'dudes'. I cherish any time I get to spend looking at a photo of Barrys busted mug for example, but as Ive mentioned here before, sometimes this thing just tends to spiral into a bit of a 'boys club', and frankly, thats kind of boring.
So ladies, whachugot?
So anyway- speaking of UFOs, Newt sent this bit of gold in;
-Obviously it wasnt a real heavy news day there in Chicago.
On that note, Im going to bid a fond farewell.
Its Wednesday and there are bikes to be ridden, and sins against humanity to commit.
You all are with me, right?
Further info on some hijinx from the land of Port;
"Saw you posted a picture of my boy Craig on the blog. Very nice. Figured you might enjoy the whole story as well…that is if someone else hasn’t already forwarded you all the stuff.
Rapha did a pretty nice job of making a video about the whole event here…
And I did a little write up about our “team” here..
And it’s not like you need more fodder for your site, but in this time of seriously intense campaigning...it’s nice to see that both candidates agree on one thing…
Its good to know that Ive got feelers everywhere.
Ive got a suspicion that some people are going to get sad with me about that last one.
After Fridays windfall of event flyers, I thought I was done for a little while, but like usual, I thought wrong;
Birmingham,
Pittsburgh,
Albany,
Athens,
Im thinking Nashville, but I cant be certain,
Calgary,
and the damned grandpappy of almost all bike events the world over, The Homie;
If you sit quietly for a moment over the next couple of weeks, youll hear the sound of wheels turning, beers opening and manifests being stamped floating on the wind.
And as much as it hurts my heart to be missing The Homie, Im pretty sure Ive got a lock on another event thats coming up, which I dont want to mention anything about quite yet so as to not jinx myself, but rest assured, Ill keep you posted.
We had a Sanchez that was hanging around the warehouse for a little while that had come back to us after being damaged in shipping. Not quite sure what we were going to do with it, WKB swooped in and took it away, putting his own spin on it in his version of 'The Frankenbike'-
Say, you know whos got some new shirts? Well, of course we do, but our super homies at Urban Velo have just released some new threads as well;
If youre smart, youll get both and wear them at the same time. As long as Im blowing up our brothers and sisters in the trenches of the underworld media, I will now go ahead and poach U.V.s release of some new amazingness straight from COG;
"Cog Magazine came out with their first issue in the fall of 2007 and raised the bar on the entire genre. The three issues since have shown constant improvement on an already good game, and the forthcoming hardcover photo book promises the same.
The magazine features stellar photography throughout, presented on large format heavy gloss paper along the lines of some of the more arty magazines on the newsstand. The theme is fixed, and everything that goes with riding a fixed gear…and only things that involve a fixed gear. No shifters, no freewheels, few brakes. It doesn’t hurt that everyone we’ve met from COG has been an all around great guy, sharing the same passion for bikes and media making that we know too well. If you haven’t read COG Magazine yet, you should. Even if you don’t ride fixed, the photography is some of the best around. And maybe if you ask nice you can get a set of the pictured printed bar plugs, as they don’t seem to be available online."
And as long as were on the topic of mandatory additions to your library, the very good people at Velopress recently bestowed the ultimate gift up me in the form of this.
It looks like Im going to finally have to remove my bong collection from the bookshelf to free up a little more room.
..I sure am gonna miss that collection, but then again, I havent gotten a whole lotta use out of them since the 2001 Renaissance Fair party we had, so perhaps its for the best that it ends up going into storage, and I begin expanding my mind in a different way.
Heres a video clip that tanner sent to me that originally was slated for the 'One For The Weekend' segment, but I kinda felt it was important enough to be featured today instead;
It was about time someone read between the lines on that video.
While trolling the seedy underbelly of Ebay, Amigo #3 came across a gem which he rightfully forwarded on to us directly;
"Maybe it's just me but I found this e-bay listing pretty amusing.
'Vintage, old school (none of that new junk being sold to the masses) SWOBO knickers. If you are looking, then you know. These are from way-back-when it really mattered. Straight outta San Fran with nothing but style. Size large. Some stains ( i included pictures). They may wash out, but I didn't want to chance it. If you win this auction, you might be able to use some stain remover to get them out. They were used and loved and still have a ton of life in them. Just thinking about all the bikes I worked on wearing these, rode wearing these and all the chill people I met while in these brings back great memories. Time to start your memories! Here's your chance to grab some tradition, some history, some style. Good luck.'
If he washed them he could wash away the highest bidders chances of meeting some chill people."
Chill people are truly hard to come by, and I completely agree with the Amigos sentiment.
I think its good that folks sometimes try to keep their hands on some of their old, and favorite threads, or at least in the case of the above mentioned auctioneer, attempt to at least 'keep them in the family', as it were.
Case in point, one of our own family out there in Lincoln Nebraska that goes by the moniker of Hoss has a long standing relationship with an old thread-bare t-shirt, and lucky for us he does, because otherwise we wouldnt have the same kind of power with our guerilla advertising techniques;
If sex truly does sell, then because of Hoss, were about to make millions.
Well, Sunday brought me my first cross race in some time, as I completely opted out of any event last year primarily due to injury, although there was a healthy dose of apathy to be blamed as well, but when young whippersnappers whove only been racing for a couple of years refer to me as 'the new kid on the block', I felt as though it was my duty to sharpen up my elbows and get back into the mix.
Unfortunately for me, the last month of traveling and unshakable case of Vegas lung pretty much brought me to my knees, which sadly is not a whole lot different then when Im feeling fit, not to mention the comedy of errors that actually was my race.
As Im pre riding the course I hear the five minute call for my class. I make my way to the start inside of three, and am standing there wondering where everybody is. About that time, I see the entire field emerge from around a corner on the other side of the course.
I begin my chase, and as Im approaching the latter half of the mid pack, I get pulled for wearing a hairnet. The Ref recited verbatim the UCI rules regarding the use of a helmet, at which time I said, "I thought the rules were that if I didnt look at you, you didnt exist."
Eventually a kind chap from Marin Bicycles loaned me a lid, and I got my race underway again, finishing somewhere, not dead last, but close.
But at the end of the day, in regards to bike racing, like Sov has said so many times before- "Im not a racist. Racisim is wrong.."
Anyway, I returned in costume, (which this photo will give you a hint about);
to watch the open Bs race, at which time I realized watching bike racing without a beer in your hand is not alot unlike watching paint dry....
...Without a beer in your hand.
It might need to be noted that thats my opinion, and Im sure it differs from many of yours.
Thats why Im me and youre you.
But just the same, there was some revelry in the ranks, which did my heart good..
And I was done the ultimate honor, when The queen B arrived to the ball dressed as me;
So this is what infamy feels like..
She had every detail locked down, including the 'Kill Whitey' hat, and the intoxicating personal fragrance.
I ended up bailing out from the race mid-day but was fortunate enough to catch a live streaming of The Hellacopters final performance in Sweden.
I first saw this band at San Franciscos Kennel Club about 12 years ago, and had my mind sufficiently blown. It was a little saddening that I had to witness their swan song on the 'naked lady box', but it cost a hell of a lot less than a ticket to Sweden, and in that sense, Ill take what I can get.
Its no small irony that the above screen shot was taken as they played 'Hopeless Case of a Kid in Denial', as that pretty much describes me on a good day.
Id also like to mention that during their encore, at the beginning of 'Grace of God' their back drop fell to the floor revealing a wall of Marshall amps, coupled with the eventual surprise appearance of original Hellacopters guitarist Dregen, currently of The Backyard babies. It was at this point that all the way out here in California, Im not ashamed to admit my hair blew around a little bit.
They truly were one of the most prolific and amazingly energetic live bands Ive ever seen, and will truly be missed.
The Hellacopters are dead, long live The Hellacopters.
Finally, and in a completely unrelated topic, Id like to go on record to say that this bar at 151 Rivington In New York might very well be the place that Id like my ashes spread.
When I come back in my next life, Id like to work for Vice Magazine, and then spend my evening holding up barstools here, maybe while being dressed like David Beckham.
Dont ever let it be said that I have or will ever set my sights very high, but its good enough for me, and my dreams (as awesome as they are), are all that matters.
On that note, its time to ice my bits and pieces and gear up for another week in the salt mines.
We hope everybody did a dutiful job of avoiding all parts bummer this weekend.
If you didnt, consider this your first warning.
So.. Uh.. I guess this means that there are some Halloween alley cats happening or something?
Put your waders on cause the dams about to break..
Brooklyn,
Boise,
Seattle,
Birmingham,
San Francisco,
Lansing,
Fort Collins,
Santa Cruz,
Brooklyn,
St. Petersburg,
New York,
Oklahoma City,
Santa Cruz,
Minneapolis,
New York,
Philly,
San Francisco,
Chicago,
and Vancouver...
..For which this awesome promo clip was made;
And though it wasnt an alley cat, our pal Ken put together what for all intent and purposes was like the Super Bowl of bike polo events, and had one of our favorite posters thus far;
Anyway, he wrote in to give us the lowdown on what transpired;
"Hey Stevil,
Thanks again for sponsoring Los Marcos Madness. It was another huge success for the inexplicable Los Marcos phenomenon. I gave out the most decent Swobo gear to our "MVP's": one girl from Chicago who wore two different costumes (one of which was a ball gown), bribed us a lot, and stenciled her CAR with our LOS MARCOS tags. First, Second, and third place teams all also got some of your gear:
I'm stoked to have you as one of our sponsors. Next year, our tournament should be even bigger and more ridiculous. The Los Marcos thing is getting really big. A reporter from HDNet and another guy from the AP were documenting the weekend. I'll let you know when their reports are scheduled
to air/go to print. We will be back in touch for LOS MARCOS MELEE in 2009.
Also, what's your shipping address? I've got a tshirt to send to you.
(What's your size?)
Ken
PS: Here’s a long list of some of my favorite photos from the weekend. Most of them are from different people’s flickr accounts, so feel free to peruse them for more examples of the weekend’s mayhem.
Los Marcos Winners, with their prize belts and bags:
Our Carbon-Fiber Piñata:
Utter Chaos. Since there were no "rules", as many people could get on the court at one time as possible:
Our stencils:
Alexander. Our favorite vagrant. (He often helps us sweep up the court). Behind him is a photographer from the AP:
That was a whole lot of cutting, pasting and linking that I just did on behalf of Ken and his band of mallet wielding miscreants, and truth be told, it was a pleasure.
And while were still sort of on the topic of alleycat races, even though its not a Halloween race, our pal Ryan in Seattle emailed us and asked us to post this flyer for an event thats coming up directly;
By the way Ryan, I ended up with a second copy of The Night Marchers 'See You in Magic', and Ill leave it to your desecration to choose who in your race this ends up with.
Best dressed, most spectacular crash, most assless chaps.. You name it, and the CD is theirs.
There recently was some confusion relayed to me concerning the difference between El Corpo and CFO. CFO generally refers to the 'chief financial officer', which I guess would be our main man Nate, but within the confines of How to Avoid The Bummer Life, CFO does and will always refer to 'Cody Fu*cking Oats', who is a regular contributer to this blog with little snippets like this one;
"We are entrenched in a intense game of “Get Cookie Monster” here at (will remain unnamed) School…It’s a politically correcter version of “Smear the Queer”…It’s like giving a pack of monkey’s straight razors….or dumping a gallon of gas on a pile of balsa wood….call it what you will but the queer gets it in the end….just like back in our day!!
CFO"
The minds of the future rest comfortable in Codys capable hands, and if that doesnt keep you up at night, then I suppose nothing will.
CFO isnt the only one that sends randomness every now and again, but Barry does as well;
"A couple for today"
Its only a matter of time before those images become alleycat flyers as well, I suspect.
You all know George too, right? Hes another one of our Colorado connection that will occasionally fire off emails chock-full of the high life;
"hey brother,
long time eh? anyhow the summer was hell of a blur and now fall is coming to a end; we'll be snowed in here soon for good with only trips to the desert to get our fill of 2 wheeledness.
But the fall does make the trail awesome with tacky moist dirt and a golden leaves allover the place that like to fling water on your face as you ride over them. and you get to try out new kick ass arm and knee warmers - (thanks for making them!)
last weekend was quite a hoot with the Deaddeer Bike gang (deaddeer.blogspot.com) AlleyDeer race in Fort Collins. It was a killer time and it went off without a hitch thanks to many awesome people like New Belgium (free keg and fat tire cans for the chugging checkpoint) and the dudes at Road34 bike bar.
Plus the next day we went on a deathmarch of an XC ride where everyone in the group cramped or wanted to puke the whole time, but killer singletrack and it was quite bromantic to be reunited with good friends.
check out some random pics from the past couple weeks and we'll make sure to ride extra hard in the desert this weekend.
How are Michael Jackson and McDonalds alike?
Both put 50 yr old pieces of meat between little white buns!
its gonna be gross!
And how about a shoutout to Seatle's own Craig Etheridge for killing the Rapha cross sprints in Portland! yeah craig, fastest nicest dude ever.
I like that George. As I perviously mentioned when I was back East, I met up with a whole slew of internet friends, but my life still wont seem quite complete until the George and I cross paths.
Our own 6'7" is a master at his craft and aside from trimming all of the Swobo bikes, and going over the brass tacks on the regular with Sky, he owns and operates his own design house called FRP.
Thats Fu*ko Racing Products for those not in the know, and with his sprawling machine shop he creates such master pieces as these;
All of those holes mean speed.
Wednesday has come and gone, and this one was a beaut for me, though punctuated with tragedy for others. I took off on my own and rode a myriad of trails in the opposite direction as I always do, flowing through the trees, my bike and me acting as one fluid unit, finding lovely little secret spots such as this tree tunnel;
I opted out of the beer drinking, and socializing portion of the evening as I have thrown myself firmly onto the wagon for the time being, however I ran into Retodded, 6'7", and newcomer Pecos on their way out, and slapped some skin in passing.
It wasnt until this morning that I was told Pecos headlonged into a tree and broke his neck.
Fortunately he has movement in his extremities, and went into surgery today.
In three years of doing Wednesday rides, thats two broken necks that have been incurred, and if I was a more superstitious man, Id say some epic amount of bad juju was afoot.
Were keeping a candle lit for his speedy recovery, and for the hope that this will be the last of our camps epic injuries.
In parting, Ill now show off my newest gift that just showed up from Handlebar Hats.
I took my helmet off and momentarily risked life and limb to snap this shot. For my sake, as well as the sake of the man behind the sewing machine, why dont you order yourselves one right now?
Oh yeah, and just so I can continue to maintain the high quality lifestyle Ive become accustomed to, over the course of the weekend, dont forget to spend some time here.
Thats it for me. The weekends just about upon us. Theres gonna be some cross racing and some breakfast eating and some beer drinking... Uh.. I mean I guess theyll be beer drinking for you.
For that matter, why dont you hoist one in the name of my temporary sobriety?
My sobriety and I would both appreciate that.
I realize that it was a bit presumptive for me to assume you all would want to hear about my exploits in the big apple, but being a big kid from a small town who wears big pants and small socks, I was just so excited, I had to share.
Just so you all know I still care, Ill take a break, and spill out a slew of goods burning a hole in my inbox.
Right outta the gate were gonna go big with this Craigslist posting Sky sent me on October 2nd;
Secondly, from October 8th, an email from the fine folks who were responsible for throwing Seattles Monument alleycat race;
"Swobo sponsorship of the Monument race in Seattle 091908. Thanks so much for the prizes! They were much appreciated by the racers (now Dung has shorts that aren't just spandex) You guys really helped out! If you are interested in sending more prizes, please contact us, we will be racing all winter, and hope to set up some Emerald Sprints (oh yeah) And if you feel the need to maybe get a little moss growing on your back, come visit, we'll show you a good time.
Thanks so much to everyone that came out to race, hang out, and supported the Monument Race in whatever way you did.
The stops were Chief Seattle downtown, Lady Rainier in Georgetown, Lenin in Fremont, Husky Spirit in the U-district, the Statue of Liberty in West Seattle, and Jimi Hendrix on Capital Hill. The finish was at the Healthy Times Fun Club on Pike.
28 miles was the fastest route one could choose. The manifest listed questions that had to be answered correctly in order to win. So many were turned in without names or numbers on them, that the first place rider was the only one that could be confirmed.
2nd place on are listed in the order that they came in. Remember kids, no name on your homework means no credit.
Race Results (38 Registered Racers)
1st- Robin (First to finish with completed, correct manifest, 8th to cross finish line. the remaining riders are listed in order of crossing finish line.)
2nd- Daniel (First to finish line)
3rd- Ponch
4th- Mike O'
5th- Jake
6th- Tall (B)ryan
7th- Felix
8th- Greg B
9th- Pavel
10th- Zach
11th- Clayton
12th- Dung
13th- Dave B.
14th- Mike D.
15th- Rob
16th- Ignorant Brian
17th- Brian W
18th- Troy H.
19th- Rae-Anne (first girl)
20th- Koos
21st- James A.
22nd- Beau
23rd- Matt B.
24th- Brian B.
25th- Brian K.
26th- Chris C.
27th- Russell
28th- Renai
29th- Kyle A.
30th- Mark
31st- Matt S.
32nd- Minjae
33rd- Tarik
The rest did not finish.
A big thanks goes out to Healthy Times Fun Club, who's residents were nice enough to let us have an after party there, with a projector playing such gems as Rad, American Flyers, MASH, and BMX Bandits.
The sponsors of this race were also very generous, with Robin picking up the $100 towards a powder coat from Seattle Powdercoat! Zombie Hearts, FessUP!, Swift Industries, Counterbalance, Party Bots, Swobo, and Chicken Kid- Thanks so much for your support in the race!"
Thank you all for the thank you.. If youd like to see a big old pool of Seattle alleycat photos, just click here..
Now, so theres no confusion, we threw some goods to these kids some time ago. Since then, a good number of events have contacted us, and without exception, Ive elaborated on the same point which is that we have way overextended ourselves on the sponsorship end of things over the course of the Summer and Fall, and now are in the process of collecting bearings, and getting our proverbial feet beneath us, so that eventually we can begin the process all over again.
Also on October 8th, Fred sent us a Gong Show clip featuring The Worms;
Cocaine is awesome.
Also on October 8th from Doug, we present honesty in advertising;
The fine print states 'we cant go on a bike ride without our big stupid Ford truck.'
See? It feels good to be honest.
A young fella that Ive linked here before set an email to me on the 12th of October with an offer that made my eyes leak salty water;
"Howdy,
I introduced myself to you at Interbike during the Joe Parkin book signing event. I gave you a flyer with some of the hats i make. You were gracious enough to link my website. Reading your blog i've noticed your love of Anheuser-Busch products. A couple of days ago I came across some Budweiser label fabric.
The person selling the fabric said it was rare and hard to find. Who knows. But, as a thank you for the link I would like to make you a hat. If you send me your head/hat size and shipping address I will hook you up. I've included a couple pictures of a hat I made for myself using the new fabric.
Avoiding the bummer life down in gator country,
StrickyBobby"
I cant begin to tell you how good it is to be me sometimes.
Michael sent this to me on October 13th;
Granny is unflappable.
The rides to work are becoming increasingly dark these days, but I aint skeered;
Except for on Monday when I was riding along behind what I momentarily thought to be a baby mountain lion. Then I shot a bit of the brown for a second, but as it turned, I took a reassuring glance at its stubby little tail and noted that it was in fact a bobcat accompanying me on my morning commute.
You dont want to mess with the baby anythings...
Except baby terrorists, and as documented by our own Brian, weve got this guy out roaming the mean streets, ready to spray Coors light on any terrorists who are up to their nefarious ways;
Knowing my unfaltering appreciation for the circus of retardation that is Metallica, Mat sent this on;
Mickey from Spooky Cycles wrote in to let us know that his band of hair farmers know the hell out of some cross;
My god, is that Lorenzo Lamas?
The man has long been known to have the sharpest elbows in cross and is not one to be tangled with.
TP from the heartland sent some goods on at some point during the month of October concerning his good, God fearing neighbors;
"Senor Stevil,
I’ve finally figured out what’s been causing me the bummer life all these years. I was born into the sign of the devil!!! No fucking shit. See, I was born and still live in Topeka, Kansas, zip code 66604. Fred Phelps actually ran for mayor here on the platform of changing the zip to something less attractive to devil worshipers. Asshole! He picketed my mother’s funeral, and she wasn’t even gay!!
I was also rear-ended in a car accident by his daughter. OH! The irony! I’m just grateful she wasn’t driving a Ford Probe.
So, that explains it. All I have to do is move out of this hell hole. Any suggestions on a new home turf?
tp"
For those not in the know, Fred Phelps is the sociopath whos behind the God Hates Fags phenomenon, but as we all know, and as Ive elaborated here many times, if God does indeed hate fags, then its fairly safe to assume that he hates a bunch of other stuff as well.
Id mentioned back when Fred and his gang of lunatics picketed Heath Ledgers funeral in Los Angeles (for his portrayal of a homosexual cowboy in 'Brokeback Mountain', dontchaknow?) I wanted to join in on the fun with signs that declared such points as 'GOD HATES PANTS' and 'GOD HATES FLY FISHING'.
However my personal sign was going to exclaim "GOD DEFINITELY DOES NOT HATE BACON AND MOUSTACHES'. Though I didnt follow through with it, it doesnt look like their insanity is loosing steam, so Im sure Ill have many more chances to join in on the fun.
Finally, Im very proud to announce the official launch of a project that Ive perviously eluded to within the hallowed pages, (which it should be noted IS live, but for some reason seems to be inaccessible to me for the moment.. Awesome..)
To quote our official release statement issued by El Corpo;
"For Immediate Trash:
Guys Who Cut Their Own Hair . COM is now living and breathing.
October 23rd, 2008
tim@swobo.com
(415) 332-2009
Swobo has launched a new site dedicated solely to the emerging track bike fetish. The site can be found at Guys Who Cut Their Own Hair(dot)com and will scan the globe to bring visitors the constant variety of everything fixed. The new site will be monitored and authored by several interesting folks from around the U.S., and will then move on to authors in Japan, UK, Germany, Australia, and the Republic of San Francisco.
Julie Benedetto, Prolly, Kevin Sparrow, and Stevil Kinevil will begin sweeping up what's happening across the country, and updating the new site on a daily basis. The track bike scene is growing in some unsuspecting corners of the globe, and guyswhocuttheirownhair.com hopes to capture an up to date snapshot of everything fixed gear from those nooks and crannies. This initial team of authors has had extensive experience, and knowledge surrounding the new scene, and Swobo is stoked to have them on board. Julie Benedetto from Brooklyn, USA, one of the site's authors, added, " I've really enjoyed seeing this track bike scene blow up (in a good way), and when Swobo asked if I wanted to play along, I jumped on it. New York City has a lot going on right now.... Prolly is also from NYC, so we'll have it covered the best we can from our point of view."
Swobo's founder, El Corpo, noted "We wanted to create a site that was authored and managed by people and ideas that fall outside of the traditional bike industry. This particular urban bike enthusiasm (the track bike scene) is pure, and is being "born" by anonymous kids across the country and beyond. Nothing could be healthier, or more real, so we wanted to create a place where people could post ideas and the progression of what's happening right now." El Corpo also went on to add ".... this is something we've been waiting for, for a really, really long time. We're just happy to be here to witness it."
Swobo began in 1992 with the core mission to change the way people and culture view the bicycle. 16 years ago the company started with an unusual assortment of sportswear, and has since grown the line to include a line of urban bikes in 2006, which includes the Sanchez, a steel fixed gear.
Guyswhocuttheirownhair.com is also looking for other enthusiastic contributors to add their track bike radar and inputs to our portion of Al Gore's World Wide Web. Anyone who is interested can contact stevil@swobo.com for a hair study.
Thanks."
To quote The Thermals, "I cant believe I got so far with a head so empty."
Anyway, check back on the regular, because Im sure very soon, the site will be up and running again, and at that point we will all rejoice.
I mean, seriously, when has technology let us down in the past?
Its time to let the sun set on this installment of the avoidance of bummer life-ness, and I thank you all once again for joining me on the ride. Like I always say, its Wednesday-
Im pretty sure you know what to do.
As you might well imagine, the old inbox welcomed me back to reality with one thousand awaiting emails, but Id also like to give you a bit of the scoop on my recent time on the East Coast, so Im going to try to lay out a decent amount of information here, without boring you with any details.
First off, New York City is gigantic.
As you all know, I went there to get all arty, and what not.
But while I was busy getting arty, I also had an opportunity to spend some quality time with a substantial handful of internet friends.
Like Prolly;
photographer extraordinaire ENB and her beau Chad;
Master dispatchers Bobby and Kid from Cyclehawk Messenger Service, (who it should be noted, set us up with the most incredibly generous VIP treatment with their friends at Cafe Habana. If you are hungry, and want your mind blown, treat yourself to a visit. I promise, you wont be sorry.)
and as long as the bottles of booze were on me, I even got to spend a substancial amount of time with The Bike Snob;
who generously bestowed upon me a gift of cotton and plastisol;
And though I am fortunate enough to have been previously aquatinted with him in three dimensions, I was graced with the presence of Cyclehawks own Squid;
As you would expect, any trip to New York City has to include the standard fare of spending time in Central Park, going to the MOMA, seeing Times Square, and of course, riding a mechanical bull;
which needless to say, ending up looking like this;
I spent some time getting around on the endlessly complex network that is the subway system, but as Id mentioned several times over the week, riding the train tends to make me feel as though Im under water constantly attempting to swim to the surface, and just when I think Im about to come up for air, I grab a hand full of sand. To remedy this, I took a full nine hour day and walked.
Not only do Vans make for a crappy 'fixed gear specific shoe', but theyre not very good for walking all day in either.
..and even fell into one of the Crumpler stores, where I met the camera shy Yassira, who was the wiz behind the construction of all of the bags at this past Springs Invisible Bags show;
Upon leaving the store, I came across this cat, sitting outside, watercoloring a lovely cityscape;
There obviously is no shortage of art to be seen in the big city, so we had to choose wisely. The enigma that is Banksy had his first solo show at the Charcoal Grill happening as well;
As they say however, art is in the eye of the beholder, and walking the streets on Saturday morning, I found what very well could have been some post-clubbing, synchronized bodily expulsion, which in my addled mind was pretty brilliant;
Taste truly is relative.
Anyhow, my feet are again on West Coast terra firma, though my head is still stuck firmly in the clouds. I want to thank everybody that came out to the reception, (Lockwood, Chris, Andrea, Jason and Mr. and Mrs. Amigo #2 Im looking at you), as well the good folks at Invisible NYC for making the show happen.
Id also like to include the quote of the week that graced my ears from a young woman who will remain unnamed upon being asked what shed done the previous evening-
"Oh.. I just watched some porn for a couple of hours and then fell asleep."
Shes truly a women after my own heart.
Let us now dip into the exceedingly full mail bag..
From Dave;
"Having your vintage Colnago stolen would be a bummer.
Dave"
Its good to know folks are looking out for each other. More fun can be found here.
Z-Doh got ahold of us to let us know how he rolls;
"Yo- glad to see you made through the LV weekend in one piece, fortunately for everyone else not in a one-piece. Say, would you be so kind as to post this event for my pal Bill from Rushmor Records in Milwaukee, on the bummer life blog? For info folks can e-mail rushmor@rushmor.com . This is definitely bummer life avoidance material, and a wonderful primer for the 2008 Homie(ey) Fall Fest.
The kids in Milwaukee dont quite do the riding like the Mpls Mafia, but they definitely have the partying and carrying on down pat. I will be down with Team HurlBrauMac celebrating 40 years of perversion where it all began. And doing a bit of Pug riding (not the canines) like the attached photos.
Speaking of the HFF I think I can speak for my Twin Cities brethren when I say we hope to see you in late Oct early Nov on the arm of Demonica and in the company of J Mack and Tina B. Let them kids know they have a couch waiting, they just have to leg wrestle Dirty Ol' Brauer (aka DOB) for the futon rights. Til then ta ta or in the case of DOB tatas!!-- Zitoldman"
Ahhh.. The Homie. I so badly would like to get back to my second home for this event, but Ive recently spent so much cash, my wallet has actually turned into a small blackhole, from which not even light can escape, so its with a heavy heart that I will bow out, but I expect to get a full report on here at some point, from somebody.
Our friend David at Fixtee got ahold of us to let us know hes weathering the financial storm, and has got the ball of his new business rolling along smoothly;
"Hello friend!
I just would like you to know that I have updated Fixtee(dot)com.
Octobers issue of our t-shirt has been released, I think that this design is really cool. Please check it out.
And if you could mention something about this on your blog I would be very
very
thankful.
Best regards / David J"
I gotta agree. Thats a shirt chock-full of badassness, and Ill wager most folks here will tend to agree with me.
Big Steve P celebrated his 40th birthday just recently with a hairnet ride, and believe me, in my absence, my heart broke into even a billion more pieces after I got a review and pics from Amigo #3;
"We missed you at hairnets at high noon, but fun was still had by all. As expected Big Steves Birthday ride turned into hairnets at 1:30. Perhaps in my passing I will draw a crowd like the group that showed up for Steves 40th birthday.
Ross Shafer, Bruce Gordon, Mike Ferrentino, Sean Walling, Eric Richter, and Elvis all showed up to celebrate Steves journey into the second half of his life.
Obviously not everyone can be a mountain bike hall of famer, industry big wig, or dead celebrity so the usual dregs of the mountain biking society were also present to make the who's who's look that much better.
Robert Ives, Ezra, Loudass, Cameron, Kathleen, Allison, Bee, Steve Bernard, Elvis and myself made up the list of dregs. The ride Kicked ass we did a 30 mile loop through Petaluma. The only down side was my Flat 30 minutes into the ride that just happened to take place next to something that had been dead for quite some time. To make it worse, it took me about 30 minutes and two tubes to get us back on the road.
When we arrived back at Steves house, there was a keg of 7% alcohol fancy pants ale, a twelve pack of bud, and 25 lbs of meat waiting for us. We ate, we drank, we bullshitted, we raced slot cars and we hung out with Elvis and the last Spooky Boo known to man.
Sean from Soulcraft made hairnets at high noon his maiden voyage on a fixed gear rig (pics incuded). The bike was much sexier than his pedal stroke but he survived unscathed.
I would also like to note that I couldn't help but be impressed by the fact that Ross Shafer spent most of the ride at the front of the pack on a fixed gear. I'm sure that to most this would be unimpressive but to a guy who lives in the land of "fixies" that never leave the coffee shop it was impressive.
I hope your show was a success we all missed you but were happy for you at the same time."
I appreciate that. The last bike event I missed I heard was more fun simply due to the fact I wasnt there.
And do my eyes deceive me, or does Blacksocks have a moustache?
By the way, for those who are unaware, the little sheep pictured sitting next to Elvis is 'Spookyboo', and I actually am in possession of the other one.
Anyway, it shouldnt go without saying that even though I wasnt present in body, I was present in spirit, as I embarked on my own hairnet ride in Steves honor;
Id also like to mention that I crossed paths with that big guy who I crashed into at the beginning of the summer while I was out and about, and we had a good ride through the woods together, never once meeting up with the ground because of it.
Well, Ive got a ton more stuff, but its time for all of us to get back to work. Rest assured, Ill continue to sift through the goods as the week progresses and spill a bunch more bean
