I hope you all arent feeling a tinge of regret if by chance you missed the show, because youre about to experience only the best of what 2008's Interbike had to offer, and there wont be a single hangover, or vaporized paycheck to show for it.

I was working hard so you all dont have to.

Im going to go ahead and blow our proverbial load right out of the gate by showcasing what in my humble opinion was hands down the best thing at this years Interbike trade show.
It was an updated replica of the legendary John Tomacs 1991 race bike custom built by Chris Herting and powdercoated at Spectrum Powder Works.

Apparently this beaut originally debuted at the Sea Otter this year, but I never pay attention to anything there, so it was no surprise I overlooked it.

Anyway, Tuesday night found The Skipper, 6'7" and me arriving at the Treasure Island bar since that always seem to be the corner to which all of the marbles ultimately roll. Wed agreed to wear suits the entire week, as its only right that individuals of our stature command respect. I had to change in the bathroom, and The Skipper pretty much said 'screw that' and dropped trou where we sat;

During our various states of dress, I lost the sleeves of my shirt, which wound up on Complayna (pictured here, looking like a gay opera pirate, and sitting next to Erin, the Swobo sales Maven.)

Not only do a cross section of the industries elite lay claim on sin city for the week, but their drunken alter egos come along for the ride as well. Here Victor Montenegro, and Stan Beaver meet up for the first time with Duke Raferty the third;

Simon proved once and for all just why what happens in Vegas must stay there;

GenO snapped a shot of some ladies nearly suffocating in a whole boat load of charm;

Now in years past, the new trends of the industry are evident to an individual nearly immediately after entering the room. Five years ago it was single speed mountain bikes, three years ago it was cross bikes, the following year it was carbon everything, last year it was the introduction to the tip of the iceberg of utility and city bikes, and this year as far as I could tell, it was tiny bicycles. Some were run of the mill;

While some were most definitely not;

Now of course it could be argued that due to the fact that more often than not, my eyes are bloodshot slits that only the smallest items in the show could squeeze into, but I suspect something of a much larger scale was at work, and it most likely had to do with Robert Ives performance at the 1998 Sea Otter Classic in which he raced the full 36 mile pro course on a 12 inch wheeled bike in 3 hours and 40 minutes.

Lets see.. What else was there?
Oh, the Rickshaw Bags 'beerdoleer' which made my crusted lips crack into an envious smile;

And speaking of devices I cant live without, I was fortunate enough to run into Matt Case who said that Cory from Dank was in fact in the process of putting together my very own 'beer net' helmet.
Oh good lord, and saints be praised. Matt and Cory are my saviors.

At some point while aimlessly wandering through the labyrinth that is the show, and most likely just after an endlessly meandering potpourri of small talk with some acquaintance or another, I realized that the best way to detach oneself from a pointless verbal engagement was to look at my watch (regardless of whether I was wearing one or not) and in a panicked tone say "oh, shoot. Ive gotta run.. Ive got a 1:00." (Again, regardless of what time it actually was.)

A '1:00' is also code for having a meeting of any kind, (during which time cans of beer are generally involved.) Well, as fate would have it, I got the opportunity to have a 1:00 with John Prolly, where we began discussing a possible virtual meeting of the minds, which would most assuredly put a lock on our plans for world domination. However the actual number of cans can sometimes dictate just how quickly and with what detail either party will remember said plans.
Over the coming months, well see what transpires.

Eventually we all departed from the debacle in the convention center and made our way to the Cross Vegas cross race. Ill spare you the ugly details, but apparently during a heated exchange with a ruggedly handsome and well dressed, albeit slack-jawed fan, race promoter Chris Grealish wildly lashed out at the sight of dollar premes being given declaring that "real pros do not take handouts", based on Nat Ross's world class beer feed last year which ultimately led him to being banned from this years competetion;

(Though he never acknowledged the fact that over the years Gina Hall, Travis Brown, Barry Wicks, Molly Cameron, Ian Brown, Barb Howe and even Adam Craig have in fact taken handouts- the final four of which took them at this particular event last year, but then again, as far as Adam is concerned, I guess racing in the Olympics doesnt necessarily define one as a 'real pro'.) He ultimately cleared up the misconception that Las Vegas and Belgium were not in fact two separate locations, that "I dont know how you do it in California in your 'fun races', but in Boulder we take racing seriously", and that any interaction with the bike racers short of mild appreciation is absolutely unacceptable, thereby spawning his new nickname of 'Golf Clap'.

When presenting the offender his business card so that a post race debate could ensue, the ner-do-well stated "ohh... youre Chris ?!"
"Yeah, who the fu#k did you think I was?" Mr. Grealish blurted..

"Uh.. I dont know.. Some douchebag security guard I guess" was the response, which led to the early heart attack candidate having to walk away and take a time out, sitting alone on the hillside to collect his bearings.

Regardless of last years beer feed zone being turned into an off-limits VIP area, there were still highjinx that abounded, most of which resulted in police intervention, and even for some, rides home in the backs of cop cars.

So, the lesson here I guess is that Cross Vegas is just like Belgium (with the exception of the fans interaction with the participants, and the small matter of geographic location), that this race is every bit as important as The Worlds (regardless of the antagonists claim that its just a B.S. exhibition race, and then offering this comparison-"if you stick a corsage in a pile of crap, it still doent make it a tuxedo"), and that cross racing is the worlds most serious athletic pursuit which if tainted by the fervor of its most passionate fans will assuredly result in the earth spinning off of its axis.

So now you know.

Anyway, the Treefarm absolutely obliterated the mens field;

And Katerine Compton wiped up the womens field;

Just so proper credit is given, both of the above photos were lifted from Velonews and taken by Rob O'Dea.

Aside from that, this happened;

Just before the dog pile, and after the above depicted man dance, Hurl head butted Johnny Sundt, again proving that from time to time, pros actually do take handouts, but sadly, I didnt get a shot of that...

Sometime the next morning back at the show, I got mobbed by team facial hair from Stolen BMX;

...and was presented with the ultimate honor when a quick sketch Id done several years ago turned up on one of Stolens steeds;

Dave, who is the captain of the Stolen ship swears a check is in the mail.

..Also at this years show was the magical Surly unicorn;

There were some instances of photo bombing present at the show this year as well;

The latter of which was taken by Sven from Dirt Mag.

Seeing as everyone who attends the trade show always departs with some kind of goods or another, I thought it only right to bring my own collection of freebees to pass around, the following of which I installed at the Mavic booth;

which caused possibly a little confusion;

And then there was the Dukes of Hazard watch that I presented to John from Boulder Cycle Sport. (Boulder... Where they take bike racing more seriously than anywhere in the world, remember..)

Over our time in Las Vegas, we also shot a bunch of video footage which we are in the process of adding subtitles to and uploading to somewhere so that we can present to you a virtual experience of the highlights, including an impromptu interview with the great Eddy Merycx, as well as a phone conversation with Bob Roll in which he discusses just why hed prefer having three butt cheeks over one boob.
Sit tight, cause well get it together eventually.

I should also include the fact that A.K. is the most handsome man in the universe;

And that regardless of our weeklong debate, Ibis Cycles own Chappy proved once and for all that if there was ever a need, she can in fact insert her head into their Airstreams oven;

So there you have it. At this years Interbike trade show, there were shiny trinkets, screaming matches, all night vomiting, (new and old) friends (from near and far), hitting heads on the bottom of shallow pools (twice in a row), nudity, music, Lance, beer, tons of fat people, carbon doodads, Dave Towle, book signings, messenger bags, hand crafted cycling hats, Canadian free riders proving that they have the loveliest collection groupies of any sect in the bike world, free lunch, hundreds of over sized and flat brimmed baseball caps, track bikes, BMX bikes, mountain bikes, city bikes, trials bikes, road bikes, cross bikes, tiny bikes, beer coozies, fancy pants, and hair gel.

And finally, before I go, Id also like to note that today marks the 666th entry here on 'How to Avoid The Bummer Life(dot)com'.

Do you like apples?

Then how you like them apples?

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 03:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (27) |

By the way, Im installing some paintings at Manifesto in Oakland today. If youre in the neighborhood, stop by.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 09:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) |

Or was it my interview with Eddy Merckx, or was it Cross Vegas promoter Chris Grealish getting nicknamed 'Golf Clap', or was it Simon assaulting me not twice, but thrice in my sleep, or was it Bob Roll not being there, or was it eating a 25 dollar plate of scrambled eggs while wearing only a bathrobe, or was it exiting a hotel behind three female body builders who had more man in their lovely little toes then I do in my entire family tree?

Youll just have to tune in on Monday to find out for sure.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 07:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) |

Well, obviously the sun has set on us a few times without anything of any substance here on this web log, so Im now going to pour out some select offerings from the mail bag as well as share a few images and thoughts from my own weekend of bummer life avoidance as a peace offing and in hopes of tiding over the masses until our Las Vegas menagerie of superkiller bionic stupendousness is ready for its unveiling..
First up, heres a sampling from LJ;

In case youre sitting at your computer, and marveling at the fact that your jaw just hit your keyboard with such force that you actually broke some keys, the source of this sorted amazingness is right here.

Andrew sent me an email that contained a gem that could very well be the most awesome offering of all times;

"Hey man, thanks for helping me avoid the bummer life. Here is a return of the favor. A short cartoon strip involving a test of manhood, chest hair, and drumming that all ends in a happy Mustache!

Please for all thats good and right, click here."

My second favorite birthday offering was the one from Nick thats made by The Brown Corporation.
I told him that as soon as I was finished with them, one would be en route to both of my jr. high school assistant principals directly.

Now Im sure youre all beside yourselves with suspense to know what a fella like me does with a single weekend and the power to rule the world. Ill sum it up as concisely as possible.

Firstly, I snuck the balls onto the bottom of Blacksocks van.

Ordinarily that would have been enough for me, but Demonika had bigger and better plans. The first of which included dining at my very most favorite restaurant in San Francisco.

Its called The Blue Plate and they not only have cold Oly in a can, and the nicest art collection of any eatery in The City, but they have a Pork Brazed meatloaf that will make you crap angel wings.
From there we adjourned to The Zeitgeist bar, where a hodge podge of folks Ive known over the last 20 years were assembled.
Folks I went to college with, folks I messengered with, folks Ive raced bikes with. You name a specific part of my life and there was someone from it, there.

The few people who didnt make it are no longer my friends.

You know who you are....

Anyhow, there was also a bouncer there who sounded and looked just like Chris Farley, but kindof a Mission hipster version, and every time he yelled at us, I began laughing, because if I didnt know better Id say he was actually imitating Chris Farley, right down to the randomly agitated hand gestures.
Even though I was unable to get a shot of him, I did take some others..

This is Jake and his wife Emily. Jake was the one who originally introduced me to the folks at Swobo all of those many years ago.

He also once told me an incredible story which I will relate to you now.
Back in the late 80s Jake roadied for a punk band that was on Dischord records who some of you might be familar with that were called 'Soulside'. Well, while they were on tour in Holland, a fella that theyd met invited them to stay at his flat. During their stay there, their host received a postcard from a friend of his who happened to be traveling around the United States. The ironic part was not that hed sent the card from Jakes home town, which was a little spec on the map in Vermont, though that would be somewhat random on its own. No, the really crazy part of the story was when upon closer inspection of the photograph, Jake took note that walking down the main street there, plain as day, happened to be his own mother.

If you were to vomit up a randomly selected cross section of the last 20 years of my life into a bar, this is what it would look like.

This is 6'7" and The Russian looking like theyre about to fight, but they were just having a conversation about what its like to be giants in a land of average sized people.

My Sacramento peeps came through in a big way with an appearance of Amigo number two and three.

Things started to get sloppy when realized Id spilled a bunch of Man-Sour on my shirt.

Grandpawz and Demonika held each other upright.

The following day we made our way to the mountain bike spot, where the blue flame was burning brightly.

Devon saw this root and said she imagined boy scouts working furiously to polish its exposed section.

Because it was my birthday weekend, Id make people stop periodically and begin talking about all of the things they liked the most about me. Obviously theyre super into it.

Despite the fact that its double track, this here section is my very most favorite trail in Marin. Its full of rollers, and a couple of spring crossings. Theres a fast, rocky descent and during the Winter and early Spring, three or four creek crossings.
Its the kind of spot that youd like you have your ashes sprinkled around.

So from there we all bailed in different directions, to find more drinks and dinner which ultimately resulted in crashing headlong into bed at about a million miles an hour.

The next day while I was running around The City I stopped by Big Daves house, but this was all I saw of him;

Then I went to the book store and bought a copy of "No Regrets. The Best, Worst & Most #$%*ing Rediculous Tattoos Ever".

The Patrick Swayzerainbowcenataur is pretty sweet, but Im still wildly hung up on the 'Hug Life' tattoo, or even more so, my new favorite, the 'I got dragged beneath a car' tattoo, surprisingly neither of which were included in the book.

Anyway, eventually I was able to track down Jason Jagel and guilt him into taking me to the gallery for a solo viewing of his new show, and while we were on our way, I took this picture;

If you look closely, youll notice a small square on the ground in front of Jasons front wheel. Just as I took this picture, he grabbed a hand full of brake and yelled 'Polaroid!'

We stopped and this was what we found;

Oh my god... Could this weekend get any better?

Once inside the gallery, we drank it all in..

I got one of the first glances at his new book, which really is a sight to behold, and if youre like me and have a penchant for art books that you cant afford, I recommend for you to get your hands on a copy, lickity damn split. Upon realizing that he had in fact remembered to thank me in the credits, he became so excited that he socked me in the arm with such force I was nearly brought to my knees.

And with that, the sun began to set on 72 hours with out a smidge of bummer life in sight.
Now were off to Vegas, to begin a whole new round of liver punishment and what not.

Keep it tuned here, as were getting set to somehow bring you a blow by blow thats so totally packed chock full of information that your brain will like, maybe completely explode.

Before we bid our farewell, Id like to let you all know of a pretty cool idear weve got cranking at the Swobo site. Were giving customers a voice now, and if youve got an opinion on some of our product, feel free to get on there and write about it. If youve got a rave, rave. If youve got a rant, then by all means do that. Ultimately, that information will serve other folks to help them make a qualified decision. We can also utilize your critique in order to make our products the absolute highest quality we can.. So get over there and sound off.

If I can round up some computer time, Ill jump in here and check up on you all from time to time, but if that doesnt happen, I trust that you all will keep the home fires burning until our return.

Ooooohhhhhyyyeeeahhhh.. And in the midst of all of the chaos, I almost forgot to mention this upcoming freakout;

Where are my manners?

Have a good week everybody.
And with that... Im out.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 05:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (13) |

Never let it be said that I dont mock equally.
But before your panties get all bunched up and you start firing off grumpy emails, take a breath and know that opinions truly are like the assholes. Everyones got one and abut 28% of 41% of the time, 33% of the worlds population is one.

ZING!

Im back from my birthday extravaganza and Ive got a full report to lay on y'all.
However its late, I just got home, and Ive got to get ready to be leaving to Vegas on Tuesday.
Rest assured Ill get something together to tide you over until our virtual Las Vegas experimentation freak out blasts you into outer space.

Its gonna be rad.

Until then though, heres me sticking to bikes.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 09:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) |

Thats right. Im one step closer to the grave today and to celebrate, Im going to take the day off and prepare for a whole damn heap of bummer life avoiding this weekend.

Of course in the absence of the regular rigmarole that youve become use to here on this communication device, I have a couple of offerings. The first being this clip that a couple of like minded folks sent on to me.

This particular leg of pavé is generally tied into various stretches of road rides in the East Bay and at times is ridiculously steep.

Buckle up and grab a pee cup.

One solitary acorn...Nay.. dare I say a solitary cigarette butt would spell disaster...
I love these guys with all of my heart.. I really do.

The next step and conclusion of my birthday post is a shot of a recent addition to the bar ends on my one speed. Ironically, (or not), the only spare tape I had in my pile of bike crap happened to be pink, so I wrapped the all slippery right out of them and Im ready to go.

I think they look like nipples.

But then again, I say that about alot of stuff.

By the way, it looks like Minneapolis has been deemed 'the big easy' by bike thieves, as a rash of steeds have been nicked in recent weeks. Keep your goods locked up inside of where you keep em locked up, and prepare to unleash the wrath of God upon anybody you see in the process of getting their sticky fingers on.

On that note, I surely do hope that everybody has a rip roaring weekend. Do yourselves a favor in the next couple of days to take a second to reslish in the greatness that is me.

I sure as hell will.

Oh yeah.. and dont forget about this.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 06:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (21) |

From Zoltron. Its really a pretty nice accompaniment to this article about white... Er.. Um. I mean pink privilege.

Posted by Stevil on walkabout at 11:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (36) |

Thisun here came on Monday from Z-doh;

His contribution makes everyday a delicious one.

Or how about this one that showed up the next day from Marko?

Seeing as though I spend nearly as many waking hours at work as I do in my own residence, Its important to make the work space as comfortable as it can be, so for packages like this to arrive on the regular truly makes this house a home.

And I guess while were on the topic, Im sure you all are curious just what a wonderland of fun the Swobo warehouse facilities are.
I posted a comment on The Guywire© Monday that said eventually Id like a warehouse full of zip lines, slides and secret passages, but for now its pretty standard fare that Ill now give you a virtual tour of.

Here are the bathrooms and a gigantic plastic ball sack that The Skipper tried to sneak on the bottom of my truck one day when I wasnt looking. Hes a prankster, that Skipper is.
Behind that huge pile of bikes is where the shower is. On the other side of the wall from the shower is an industrial compressor and on cold and wet winter days, that room stays a balmy 80 degrees and in all honesty it makes makes the end of every winter commute the best experience ever.

If you were to turn 180 degrees, youd be looking straight into the bellly of the beast. Recently while risking life and limb pulling a Sanchez down from the highest of heights, The Skipper rolled that big old ladder as close to me as possible, and I nearly not only fell off of the rack, but would have then added insult to injury by actually falling down the stairs.
Theres no word wether or not he secretly placed a pie at the bottom step for my face to land in at the conclusion of my performance.

If you turn slightly to your right, here we have the shipping station. On any given day you might find me sitting here, listening to music and cursing technology through clenched teeth.

I climbed high atop one of the many racks I nearly fall from every day to give you a birds eye view.
This is actually a pretty good shot, and have never really noticed how lovely the view is, as I generally am seeing it through a white haze of terror.

This is the bike bench where I trim out all of the consumer orders. 6'7" has been taking up a bit of that slack recently, but a good bit of the time, this is where Im found, disassembling, greasing, reassembling, dialing in brakes and so fourth, so that when one of our customers pull their bikes from the box, all they have to do is tighten a couple of bolts and go.

The desk that I lay all of the clothing orders out on is right next to it, but was covered with boxes and tape guns and stuff, so I chose to omit it. However, if you turn around another 180 degrees, youd see our sweet shop bike and GenOs Soulcraft that since his departure has had the seat tube filled with so many hotdogs it smells like a condemned butcher shop.

Now here we are nearing the end of the tour, with a shot of The Skipper. A fair portion of any given day he can be found here at his desk, like me at the shipping station, listening to music and cursing technology through his own clenched teeth.

One thing that makes The Skipper pretty happy is when he gets to explore a bit of the creative side of things around here, so if you were to turn almost all of the way around youd see our little makeshift photo studio where he shoots the product that you see on our website.
He moonlights shooting pet portraits here as well.

Much like any tour of a noteworthy location, there is always the stop that everyone pays the admittance fee for. At Anheuser Bush its the tasting room, At Graceland, its Elvis's toilet, and at Swobo, it obviously is my desk. This is where I get lost in day dreams about rope swinging in spring flower filled fields, and occasionally light The Skipper up with my rubber band gun.

So there you have it. Its not alot unlike staring into the face of god, so I understand if you have to turn your computers off and lay down for a while, but before you do that, lets get on to some other matters of importance, shall we?

Paul sent in the following clip, mentioning that he needed a new image;

Im sure thats going to work out just fine for him. It worked like a champ for the Duke Boys.

Another item that the ladies would find hard to resist comes in the form of an email from Zak;

"Yo Stevil - this would look so hot with the Budweiser sweater.

-Z"

It truly would, and just so you all know, a very special boy is having a birthday soon.....

Kenny emailed us with a reminder of an upcoming alleycat race in Philly;

Of course if youd like the non-pencil-drawing-on-your middle school-Pee chee-folder version of the flyer, here you go;

With a name like 'The Scumbag Cup' how could you possibly go wrong?

As long as were on the topic of bicycle related events, heres the announcement for the final two Urban Assault races;

While the one in Minneapolis promises to be a total fiasco, the Chicago event is going to pretty sweet as well, as proven by this shot that Newt sent to me of him getting ready to rumble;

Say.. At the risk of jumping in here and making The Bummer life an even more personal venue for me than it already is- Id like to take a second and wish my very special lady friend an extraordinarily happy birthday today. Here she is pictured with JMac looking entirely too Miami Vice. Seconds after this photo was taken, JMac was up to his eyeballs in cleavage and cocaine, but thats not to say shes not a good girl whom I love very much.

Now some bad news by way of The Warlocks;

-SK,

Local downhill ripper, friend of the Warlocks and all around bicycle-riding-extraordinaire Art W (pictured way below) got the wheels on his Sanchez gaffled recently.

His Craig's List post is pretty good.
Hope all is swell,

P77
Warlocks BC
Boise, Idaho"

"stolen fixed wheelset (north end)
Reply to: sale-836737995@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-11, 11:59AM MDT

My bike was parked outside the apartments on 8th and fort. In the morning i found that someone had relieved me of the stress of riding on wheels. This is alright for me since i had just heard that hovering on bikes without wheels is the new fixed gear. Since i am a hipster and all i care about is being behind the new trend and looking cool, this all fits perfectly. However there is one problem, i have yet to produce the 1.21 jiggawatts i need to hover successfully. until then i am going to need my wheels back. if you are to return them to me, or give me info on where i might find them, i will reward you with a plethora of tasty treats. however, if you are the one that stole them and you try to ride them around, you will certainly be spotted by one of my minions in capri pants.

details- white rims, silver hubs with a logo of a shopping cart. they were stock wheels from a swobo sanchez. if you have any info, or just want to chat about what's the new what, call art @ 440-1079 p.s. attached is a photo of the tasty treats you could be rewarded with if i get my wheels back, a picture of me the moment i found out my wheels were gone, and a photo of a male thong that is pretty close to the color of my wheels. thanks for any help!"

And heres the shot of our hero shortly before his goods got took;

Deeper in the mail bag we got a shout from my home state;

"Hey Stevil,

Thanks for the great blog. Keeps me motivated to keep my head up and to look forward to the weekend when I'm stuck in the office.
Tour de Fat rolled through here (Denver) this weekend and a couple of your loyal readers and I were there riding bikes, drinking beer, and listening to some great tunes. From what I hear the estimate was 1200 people this year. More than last year but still not a turnout like Fort Collins.
Anyways, here's some pictures I took of the event.

Keep up the good work brother,

--
Nick Nunns"

Im trying Nick.. Im trying. In fact like my mom always says.. Im the most trying person she knows.
All of the photographic evidence Ive seen of this years TDF events reminds me of the most amazing acid trip Ive never had.
..But with bicycles.

The likable douche bag known as Cary sent an awesome link to me that I think you all will enjoy.
I certainly did, but then again theres no accounting for taste.

If celebrities moved to Oaklahoma.

Though truth be told, I dont see that very much of an alteration was needed for Brittany.

Did yall see The Snob yesterday? Of course you did. As far as I can tell, there is no one that doesnt fall through that fellas world a few times a week.
It made me laugh and it made me almost cry. Nobody does that to me and gets away with it except Andy Kaufman.
There will be hell to pay Snob. There will be hell to pay.

The time is now that I spread my wings like the big, beautiful butterfly that I am and flutter off into the horizon, bidding you all a fond farewell.

You know... Until next time.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 06:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) |

After all the hubbub that I layed out about Jason Jagels opening in San Francisco on Friday night, I ended up working too late, and missing the whole damn thing myself.

However I did speak with Jason on the phone as he was walking out the door en route to the reception, and he said that the full shipment of his book will be arriving on shelves soon, and that the S.F. Electric Works gallery will be having a full fledged book signing on the 11th of October.
Mark your calendars.

Onto some bike news. I know each and every one of you stake your entire existences on the newest bells and whistles that come down the pipe every year, so it is for you that I will now post some super secret spy pics of the most recent generation of XTR that I stole straight from the sharp eye of Chipps, (who, incidentally I stole this weeks header pic from as well.)

You know, theres nothing that can make a simple bike ride that much better than a sizable investment into the bank of planned obsolescence that is the bicycle industry.

'Really now', you might be asking yourself, 'who is this guy to mock the whims of the market and the industry which pays him such a handsome, handsome income? He has so much crap in his garage, he has to go outside to change his mind.'
And to that I can only counter with that youre absolutely right.
Im as gigantic a hypocrite as they come.

But I still love my XTR thumb shifters more than just about any bike part I own.

Really, Im just warming up for our 2008 Interbike trade show extravaganza. Here at How to Avoid the Bummer Life were proudly flipping over a new leaf....
You needn't turn anywhere else for the most comprehensive coverage of every new fiber carbon/composite widget and googah to be premiered this year.

And speaking of the fiber carbon, is this a safe look for a carbon bar to have developed?

Now onto news about those in the world who put the 'cult' into culture.
While perusing the web recently, I came across a striking interview with Erik Brunetti of FUCT Clothing.

I have to offer Eric my utmost respect, as he truly is a pioneer and visionary, not to mention that the two pairs of his brushed denim shorts I wore until they were thread bare back in the early 90s, continue to be among my most favorite items of clothing Ive ever owned.
Its no exaggeration when I say its people like Erik that keep the fires of inspiration burning beneath me..
If youd like a little more insight into what makes my man tick, all youd have to do is click here.

While out and about on one of our trademark 'training rides' this weekend, Blacksocks took some time out to stop and save a banana slug who had wandered haplessly into the middle of the trail.

If I didnt know better, Id say old Mr. Blacksocks has a little bit of monk in him.

If you think about it, its kinda like stopping to smell the roses, which we all could stand to do from time to time, only it smells more of rotting leaves.

Benjamin wrote us (and also included this shot which Ive had up before, but its so good, Ill include it again anyway) with some thoughts on my new career choice which I highlighted last Thursday;

"I am well aware that HTATBL does not promote elicit drug use, performance enhancing or recreational. Why? this guy seems to be OK…
Good luck in your new career as a drunken clown (I don’t see how that differs from your current job) but if I can offer any advice. Hook up with your local Drunken Clown union. If you have questions I’m sure this guy can help you out.

Thanks Stevil,
Benjamin Bunny"

Thanks for the well wishes, and as far as promoting the partaking of ingestables, I tend to steer clear of that road, because youre all grown ups capable of making those types of decisions on your own.
Aside from that, as Ive said before, I say nope to dope, so it would be a little like if I were to expound on the virtues of adding nitrous injection to your automobiles.

I know nothing about it, nor do I particularly care. Ill stick to canned beer and sour Jelly Bellys, thank you very much.
Oh.. And Danzig. I like Danzig.

Steveo from Pittsburgh initially emailed this image to me from a random fellas Flickr page. I emailed this random fella to ask permission to post it here, and ironically, he emailed me back saying that hed remembered when I first had requested a shot of Glenn mowing his lawn.
Ill go out on a limb and say that this picture is just about that good...

The man known only as 'Banned in SF' has even appropriated some of old Glenns lyrics as a caption;

"Calllll meee the cake hunter! yeah thats my name. yummy little thing like is my only game. Dont need the sticky bun. Dont need whats missing. When I get a hold of you honey. Eat you up like christmassss..."

Much like his famous quote- "when I fight, I fight to the death", it would appear as though he takes eating cake just as seriously.

Is anybody who reads this in or around Seattle, by chance? If so, are you aware of this shindig?

If Im not mistaken, back several weeks ago we, along with a handful of other industry luminaries, threw down some goodies for this event, so if youre around, why not get to it and win one for the gipper?
If theres any more information about this event, or the good people behind it that you crave, all you gotta do it click here.

However, should you find yourself in the ATL, then you might wanna check out these goods instead...
(Correction. You cant see my face because my head is in my ass... This event takes place in San Francisco.)

Even though Fall is upon us, outlaw races across the land show no signs of slowing down.

Up now, David, who is an entrepreneur in Sweden sent us an email to let us know about a project hes got in the works;

"Hello...
I have just started a small t-shirt webshop here in Sweden and would be very happy if you would mention it in your blog. Right now I only have the design of the first shirt ready, and I need all the help I can get with promoting the site.

The idea is to get people to subscribe to buy t-shirts, a new print will be added every month. But I need to print at least 50 t-shirts at a time. So right now im collecting e-mailadresses. When I get 50 the fun begins ;-)

Best regards / David Johansson

www.fixtee(dot)com

(sorry for the bad english)"

As I told David, his English is far better than my Swedish, though I appreciate the apology just the same.
You know, its a little known fact that there are no bad days in that part of the world?
Come to think of it, I had a dream over the weekend that I returned to Scandinavia, and my life suddenly stopped being the shambles that it is.
..Maybe its a sign....

Our boy Squid also sent an email on;

"Stevil- Saw on HTATBL that you are coming this way in the near future. If you need a bed bike or beyond, holla at yer boy!

We got to meet up for a beer at the least.

Check out Amy's slideshow from Labor Day at Kissena Velodrome:

And! it's my company's one year anniversary today, WOOT!!
Cyclehawk NYC(dot)com

Ride Safe-

Squid"

One year? Damn, that went by quickly... but we gotta offer up huge congratulations, and thanks for letting us come along for the ride.
Today New York, tomorrow the world.

Speaking of taking over the world, Ive mentioned here many times that The Dirtbombs are one of my very most favorite bands on the whole planet. That being said, heres another video clip of them playing a cover of my favorite Sly and The Family Song just for the fun of it;

It should also be noted that they are just about to embark on another tour, (a majority of which will be supporting 'the wonderfulrockandroll band from Brooklyn' known as TV on the Radio dontchaknow?) and if youre not afraid of spraining the hell out of your funky muscle, do yourself a favor and get to the show.

The last time I saw them, I got to slap Mick Collins a bit of skin and let him know hes makes the world a better place.
When I come back in my next life, Im coming back as Mick.

Another musical act that Ive long had an affinity for is the mighty Shellac.

It looks like theyve got some upcoming dates in Canada, Ireland and The United Kingdom. Its still hell and gone from any West Coast dates, but its not their standard schedule of laundromats or slaughter houses in Budapest either, so were getting closer.

But again, I digress. This is a bicycle blog, right? We just want to investigate bicycle related topics, like this new 'urban bicycle explosion' that everyone keeps talking about, or perhaps the limited edition $18,000 Rock Racing super cycle. I mean, correct me if Im wrong, but isnt that why we all came here?

Very well.... You know, theres nothing that can ruin a bicycle ride faster, and with bloodier results than improper installation of sew ups.
Jim Langley has an online instructional for how to properly glue tubulars.

I dont know about you, but I feel better already.

And with that, I think weve pretty much covered all of the bases.

Art that doesnt suck? Check.
Soon to be obsolete technological advances? Check.
Interviews with an individual whos stirs the pot of common convention? Check.
Drug use? Check.
Alleycat races? Check.
Bicycle related how-tos? Check.
Rock and roll saving the savage soul? Check.
A smattering of other stuff? Check.
Danzig? Check, and check.

Its now time to turn on the grind stone and stick your nose to it. And might I suggest you get on that sooner than later, because Americas not gonna stay on the top of the pile as the best damn country in the whole galaxy with you just sitting there...

Plus your boss is right around the corner.
Quick.. hide in here.

You can thank me later.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 04:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) |

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 04:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (12) |

In the process of figuring out how were going to go about this next trip through the hell on earth that is Interbike, 6'7", The Skipper and I have all settled on what is most assuredly going to be the high point of all of our careers.

Were fairly well financially strapped, and as any of you whove made a recent sojourn to Sin City knows, the place sucks cash from your wallet like so many cash-from-wallet-sucking-vacuums. This isnt going to be a trip where were shuttled around the city in limos and resting our weary heads on 400 thread count linen pillow cases in the Hugh Hefner suites at The Palms.
No- we decided that this time we were going to stay as far off the strip as possible and get around town, shy of a gold plated Hummer, as retardedly as we can.

Welcome one and all to witness Swobos 2008 Hooters and scooters tour.
Do you hear that on the wind?
That is the oncoming storm of epically earthshaking sexiness that this damn show has been lacking for the better part of a decade.

Ill post details as they develop.

One thing you really would maybe like to know is that there really are alot of birds, as proven by young Jimmy Flatrings science class report.

Would y'all like to know about an upcoming alleycat style bicycle race?

More info is right here

The kids are going absolutely bananas for these bicycle races.

And why shouldnt they? Playing in the streets is one of the bright spots in anyones day. Except for Chiggens, but he was on his way to work, so maybe he wasnt playing.
Anyway, he had a run in with a fella recently, and attempted to keep a level head.

He writes;

"Argh, progress towards becoming a better citizen is difficult, and uneven.

(Please to read the thoughts).

I wanna be good. Really I do. It's harder when the other person's a porky republican lobbyist-lookin' asshole in a big-ass SUV without a spot of mud on it. There's so much contemptuous iconography involved, it's like being threatened by a comic book villain made of everything I think is wrong with the world.

I guess that's the next level of attainment.

Cheers,
chiggins"

Well, you didnt throttle him, or break any of his windows, or even fling your poo. Id say youre well on your way to that next level of attainment.

And while were on the topic of bettering ones own soul, check out this email that The Cat sent to us. It might take a few clicks on the link to get it to work, but its worth the effort;

"Stevil,

An audio example of why it pays to be polite road users, whether sporting the latest in fixed gear fashion or driving a gun rack laden pickup.

'Witness to an Accident'.

Lesson's learned:

-Accept responsibility for your actions with humility;
-Don't piss off the old ladies, as they fight dirty;
-If granny whips out a bible, run, run for your very life or surely you will die!

El Gato"

While its been scientifically proven that I could kick the crap out of 31 five year olds, I would never, and I mean NEVER take on a gang of old ladies.

As I mentioned on Monday, there was a Dfl related function Wednesday evening.
I was toiling away at the J.O.B., but have found photographic evidence that I once again missed out on the spoils by way of Michael.

More of the shindig is right here, though in my humble opinion, the only image from any of the races, past, present or future thats of any importance is this one of Dan, and Dan Junior;

Today is 685s birthday.

Happy birthday, buddy.

Our friend Holly Crap just got back from her sweet new hand job;

And Complayna got back from whatever her job is;

They both live truly blessed existences.

I told you all that Jason Jagel has an opening and book release at SF Electric Works Tonight, right? If you find yourself with a hankering for some world class art, or to punch me in the stomach, or both, then you should be there.

Marian sent in the following clip. Generally, I think Pamela Anderson is a vapid sack of bleached meat, but after seeing this, has come up a notch.

We totally speak the same language.

Alright, thats enough of this mumbo jumbo. I gotta go get my hairs cut, and my nails done.
It aint easy looking this good.

Ohhhhh yeah, 'Looking good' reminded me.. I would like to also finally welcome Brian into the Swobo fold.
Hes a young go-getter with the chops to take us straight into the 21st century.

Here, while at a recent conference in the Netherlands, he and El Corpo discuss the virtues of Blue Tooth technology and how we might apply that to our own situation.
Welcome aboard Brian. Its good to have you working with us.

Have a great weekend everybody. We sure as hell will.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 06:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (9) |

Ive had a good run here at Swobo, but truthfully, Ive got my sights set on other heights.
I thank each and every one of you for your support these last two years, but as proven by the following Craigslist posting Tina B forwarded on to me, and as much as it pains me to make this separation, I ultimately have to follow my heart and do whats right for me.

"SEEKING ADULT DRUNK CLOWN FOR 30th BIRTHDAY PARTY

Date: 2008-08-26, 3:22PM CDT

We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a shit load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavily. He doesn't even need to socialize with anyone, just drink.

The birthday is on Friday, Sept. 5th in Bucktown. Oh, did I mention that the clown needs to get shitfaced. Don't worry, we will purchase all the drinks.

* Compensation: We will pay per hour and cover all the drinks"

Posted by Stevil on walkabout at 04:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) |

One of our own has very nearly been taken out. By all means our hero probably should be dead, but his guardian angel luckily was working over time.

John gave us a shout to let us know the skinny;

"Heya Stevil, no bacon, Danzig or Metallica for you today. Personally never really cared for Metallica anyway. Nope, not even a spot about Budweiser (better in a bottle than in a can). Sorry but this is about cold hard life lessons.

My friend Wayne from Breakaway Bicycle Courier was hit Friday afternoon while working in downtown MKE. Hit hard. The driver of a roofing company pick up truck decided to race oncoming traffic with his left turn and kerblammo, sends Wayne onto the hood, and his skull not into the windshield but into the foot of the ladder on the top of the truck. His skull was fractured in 10 places, cracked his C1 vertebrae, and he had to undergo two emergency brain surgeries, first to clear the newly formed air pocket in his cranial case, the second to eliminate the clots forming in & around his grey matter. Needless, NOT FREAKING GOOD. He wasn’t wearing a skid lid. REALLY SERIOUSLY NOT FREAKING GOOD. There were a lot of worries among a number of us. Saturday was a day of sweaty palms/nervous laughter/spontaneous tears/talking with friends who’ve not been seen or heard from for a bit of time.

He was talking a bit, just a bit. He could move his fingers and toes. Hope.

Yesterday he was able to put together more complete sentences, after they took him off the super uber duper painkillers and got him on oxycontin. He was drinking water, ordered jello, had a smoothie. He was talking much more coherently, fidgety, looking forward to getting out on his bike again, happy to have the catheter removed. He’s getting moved out of ICU today. He’ll likely have a bit of trail ahead of him to clear out (repeated himself a couple of times, but one of the things he repeated was that he was buying a helmet), and have a headache like the worst hangover you’ve ever experienced, only for a week or two. Brain injuries are like that. But it looks like he’ll be up, riding, walking, talking. F’in miracle. He wins the race for most metal in his body with the addition of the Ti plate in his skull. I resign myself from that race, DNF.

I think of how many bullets he’s dodged (ask anyone who’s known him well or long enough. There’s a laundry list). I think how many I’ve dodged, both working and playing on the bike, then I think of all the other friends and how many bullets they’ve ducked or just gotten winged by. That’s a lot of rounds, a lot of risk. Statistics say it was going to happen to someone I know at some point, and it’s going to happen to someone else too, and it’ll happen to anybody who reads HTATBL. No good.

Boils down to this: wear a helmet, each time and every time. I’m guilty as all get out of this, so I’ll be the first to holler “Hypocrite!” but I’ve unfortunately gotten a taste of the lesson by proxy. This lesson will likely carry on down to a lot of folks here in MKE, and I suspect that more brain buckets will be seen on the streets. But hell, if this rant can hit one individual elsewhere upside the head, make the light bulb go pop, and prevent them from having to experience what the fluid looks like that drains from a skull and into a small bulbous reservoir hanging at chin level on a person then, hey, worth it. Wayne is lucky and so are all of us that know him. We can write dumb PSA’s like this, rather than write something from a bit of a darker place. No obit today I’m pleased to say.

Be safe. Be prepared. We critters are inherently fallible and can do dumb things that can truly harm or kill someone else or ourselves, be it as drivers, pedestrians, or cyclists, but we can minimize some of these actions’ consequences by taking a bit of control, assume a bit of personal responsibility. Wear a lid when you’re on the bike. Simple.

Next time the recipe to create bacon infused vodka for the best dang bloody mary you’ll ever have in your life. For real.

John"

I dont know what to say. Were all so glad that Wayne has a thicker skull than most and that he didnt end up becoming a statistic.
Now listen, Im probably the last person who should preach the virtues or protecting ones brain. Nearly the entire time I messengered, I neglected this one vital step. In fact, during hundreds of hours of road rides I tended to go without. Ironically, I only wore one in possibly the most controlled situation I could have, which was while mountain biking, but eventually, for some unknown reason I began hearing my clock tick, and for the past six or seven years Ive never left home without one.

The only argument I can offer is this;
I will never understand why someone might protect their bike by locking it up. A bicycle, which can be replaced, and not take the extra effort to protect their brains- something that obviously cannot.

..But again- this is not the time or place to preach. Wayne, if this message gets to you, we hope that each day that passes, you get stronger and healthier, and once you are up and running, give me a shout and your head size, and Ill do what it takes to ensure that you dont need to go helmetless again.

I would also very much like to thank Peter DiAntoni for the use of the above photo. I actually spoke with Peter Tuesday night and he said that despite the numerous fractures in our heros skull, hes on his way home and for that, all of his friends, immediate and other wise are very grateful.

Now to get onto some news that was breaking a few days ago. Is it a yes or a no? (Again- editors note. When I originally linked the 'no', it was a Yahoo sports article that stated in no uncertain terms that there would be no association between Mr. Armstong and the Astana team. What a difference a day makes, huh?)

I guess well have to keep our eyes peeled to People Magazine to be sure.

Another media channel that is near and dear to our hearts is Fox News. It looks like its finally getting good.

We recently had a special guest appearance in the warehouse that came in the form of DanO from Shifter Bikes.

We put him to the test to see how well he could handle a big dinner, alcohol of a few varieties, homemade peanut butter cookies, and then come into work the next day and help put clothes away.
He handled it like a champ, and if he didnt live a billion miles away, might very well have a job with us.

In regards to Joes recent book signing in Minneapolis this past Saturday, probably the only image that needs to be conveyed is this one of a bouquet of donuts resting comfortably in a vase of whisky.

The rest of the evening was very likely, just as awesome.

And before we break away for some Wednesday night whatever, an email from Nicholas;

"Heres the story: I had a cooky college english teacher who one day locked us in the classroom and put this in the VCR......yes, VCR, which shows how rare this clip might be. Thanks to the wonder of the youtube machine, and somebody who obviously thought that this clip deserved to be seen by the rest of the world, it finally surfaced.

The following clip is from the documentary titled 'Hands on a Hard Body', and if you can track down the full length documentary it is well worth it.

Description:

1) Bible Belt
2) Toothless Rednecks
3) Truck Giveaway to whoever can keep their hands on the truck for the longest time.
4) Toothless Rednecks

enjoy"

Gawldamned, I love Amerikuh.

By the way, theres something happening in San Francisco tonight related to The Dfl.
If you know, (and youre not buried under an unprecedented workload) youll go.

Oh, by the way.. The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse are drawing real damn near.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 08:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (12) |

First up, a rare, and always appreciated correspondence from The Bike Snob;

"(...By the way), yesterday I didn't have my camera on me, and I've never regretted anything more.

(Editors note; Due to The Snobs cameralessness, Ive added liberties to the email by including a selection of my own visuals.)

I was riding down 7th Avenue in Manhattan and in front of me is a guy on a bike wearing a "True Norwegian Black Metal" t-shirt (this message on the back) as well as a full black outfit including the Kerry King from Slayer circa 1986 spiked leather wrist gauntlet. But he's also riding a Schwinn Varsity really, really cautiously and he's wearing a white Giro helmet with visor. Not only that, but he's hand signalling. Not like the quick flick of the wrist to let someone know what you're doing, but full-on school-field-trip-to-Safety-Town hand signals. Like I'm riding behind him and he does the signal for "stop" as he stops at the red light with the very arm gauntlet is on. It was an absolutely stunningly surreal. I've never seen anything like it.

So don't let anyone tell you metalheads aren't safety-conscious."

Regardless of all of that work, I still dont really feel like I was there, but man, do I wish I was.
I mentioned to The Snob that maybe it would be a good idea to post up on that same route until their paths cross again.

Speaking of friends in New York, in response to this past Saturdays search for a date to the rock and roll show, the incomparable John Prolly gave me a shout;

Hey man,

Long time reader here. If you're in town on Thursday night [any thursday] you should swing by Meeker at Jackson under the Brooklyn Queens Expressway overpass in Williamsburg.

I throw the Peel Sessions there. A bunch of kids on fixed gears learning tricks. It'd be cool to meet you and we'll take you a fine watering hole for a frosty brew afterwards as well...

Hope to see you,

John"

Say what you will about networking via the internet, but I think its really amazing to have developed as extensive and varied a network as I seem to have across the country, and that I could drop into a city in which I know almost noone and already have an invitation for some beer fueled hijinx.
Im pretty blessed.

Josh, who is the captain at the helm of The U.S.S Urban Assault Ride sent a couple of pictures on from recent events;

There are two final races on deck for the Urban Assault series, which we just sent a whole ton of stuff off for. First theyll be landing in our home away from home of Minneapolis, and then will be closing off a spectacular season in Chicago.

I spoke with Josh on the telephone last week, and he said that while organizing an event such as this has been a huge learning experience, theyve had a great summer and are already looking forward to outdoing themselves next year, and truth be told, were very excited to be a part of it again then.
With any luck, we can even make it out to one of these ourselves.

Its neither here nor there, but now Id like to repeat a public service announcement from Swarm! LA;

Nick contacted us with a culmination of nearly all that I personally represent;

"Stevil,

Attached is a (blurry camera phone) picture I quickly took while frequenting the local deli.

I know you’re a little over it but never have I seen bacon and Danzig combined in such a delectable package.
I bet it tastes salty.

nick"

I would imagine that it would not only taste salty, but would have the subtle flavor of testosterone and defeat.

A very favorite artist that Ive featured on The Bummer Life before that goes by the name of Jason Jagel has got some upcoming doins brewin'.

My man will be having release parties for his new book 73 FUNSHINE at both The Richard Heller Gallery in Santa Monica on.. Oh crap.. September 6th (though his installation there runs through October 4th), but at SF Electric Works in San Francisco on September 12th as well.
Might you find yourself near either of these venues, I highly recommend you swing by, pick up a copy and soak up some of his unique vision. Ive long stated that I feel quite lucky to count one of my favorite artists as a friend, and am quite looking forward to seeing his new work.

Jay, our webguy sent a treatment of an image Ive had here before onto me, illustrating that he might feel the same way about Metallica as I do;

Then, Michael responded to my recent bid for the presidency;

"Stevil wrote:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I know I can count on your votes this November.
By the way, I have a super hot, totally inexperienced middle aged running mate, if that does anything for you.
I think it does something for someone - or at least it would if she made this her official campaign photo:"

The sky is falling.

Seth wrote in to let us know that regardless of whats happening in Washington, everything in the great country of Bikenerddom is just fine;

"Hey Stevil,
Just hoping for some free publicity in the form of bummer life avoidance. I got the Swobo gear you sent, and it's great. Thanks so much. I've attached the flyer and I would really appreciate it if you could post it on your blog.

In other news: My girlfriend has officially caught the bike bug. She'll be taking delivery of bike number four this Saturday. I couldn't be happier, because now she can't say anything about my personal collection of two wheeled toys.
Actually I could be happier, but that's neither here nor there. Her new bike is of the fixed gear persuasion and, being a numbers type of person, I decided to Calculate the gear inches. (See attached screen shot) Now if only I could come up with a suitably cliché comment to go along with it.

-Seth

Im gonna have to leave coming up with a subtle cliché to someone else.
Im fresh out.

Maybe Barry could handle it, as in a recent email, there obviously isnt much that he can not;
It should also be noted that I requested some sort of visual aide to accompany all of these words, but he just sent me his Flickr address and left it up to me to pick which one works best. Much like the birds and the bees, Im just going to leave it up to you all to figure it out;

"Everybody knows about "The Brothers" from Wisconsin,,, But they don't always know about Wisco's other brothers, The Brothers C, and their annual underground racing / drinking / bratwurst extravaganza... "The Blaster".

After a few years of talking shit and no-showing, I've been called out. So, I've officially RSVP'd yes for this years event, along with a couple hundred racers from all over the country.

I was riding my new whip (designed for Colorado domination) last night and trying to talk Big Mark into coming with me. I couldn't help but notice the direct parallel to the classic film "Bloodsport".

Frank Dux(ME) is an American martial artist(BIKE RACER). His former teacher in the martial arts(JC RACE HOST), gives him an invitation to "The Kumite",(BLASTER '08) the secret martial arts tournament (BIKE RACE) where only the world's best fighters (SS RACERS) are invited. Frank (ME) shows up in Hong Kong (MILWAUKEE) for the tournament,(RACE) but his CO's in the US Army (RANDOM FAST DUDES) are right on his tail.

Frank wins match after match,(DRINKS BEER AFTER BEER) and shows promise that he may be the first person from the Western Hemisphere (COLORADO) to win the tournament,(BLASTER) until the defending champion (CREEPY FRIENDLY) gets his hands on Frank's (MY) friend, Jackson,(BIG MARK SUPER CLYDESDALE FROM CO) and injures him in the Quarter Finals(COURSE PRE-RIDE). Now Frank (ME)faces an uphill climb.

(TOTALLY) His friend is hurt(LAZY), the US Army (FAST DUDES) is on his tail, and he is on the verge of making martial arts (BIKE) history. The question is,
will he?

3rd week in October, I'll update you with what's happening in the Kumite.

B"

That was like a roller coaster ride through a world of sexy karate and abstract math equations.
I have a pretty good hunch that if Barry and George ever met up, a black hole would form and wed all be swallowed up into a fold of nothingness.

Alright.. Give me a second to regain my composure with a clip sent in to us from 685;

Its a wonderful life.

Robert sent an email that proves the recent RNC was nothing more than a regular love-in;

"Here's one more use for bicycles that police in Minneapolis have shown the world:

Fox and Rock Shox should get royalties for this one."

Police state?
What police state?
First amendment?
What first amendment?

The city of Minneapolis does love their bicycles...
Anyway, everybody relax. Theres nothing to worry about.

Hot damn, its Monday.
Ive got nothing ahead of me today but water slides and rope swings, while all of you saps are stuck working for the man....

In this country, fantasy increasingly trumps reality.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 01:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (9) |

Anybody want to take me on a date to a Les Savy Fav show?
Theyre playing in Williamsburg on the 12th of October, dontchaknow?

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 10:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) |

In regards to the above image, Peter writes;

"Hey Stevil-

Was doing a SF lazy roll around town last week with a buddy from out of town. Of course, I had to offer him the quinitsential sf pedal experience of 24 glorious OZ's of PBR while chilaxing in Dolores Park. Yep nothing like Cracking a PBR with some amazing scenery."

Its like living in a world with two gigantic moons in the sky.

As you all well know, the weather isnt quite as nice in some parts of the country right now as it is in the Bay Area.

The other day I posted a flyer for The Swamp Thing alleycat race that was set to go off in Houma, Louisiana this weekend, but Stuart (who is in charge of the throwdown) emailed us Thursday morning from Houston to let us know that the race is postponed, but more importantly that he and his are all safe.
As the weather clears, Ill be sure to keep folks posted as to whatever transpires.

And it should go without saying, but were hoping that all of the good people who currently are getting sat on by hurricane Gustav, will emerge unscathed.

And just so the folks in the South know that were keeping the home fires burning, heres an offering especially for them;

Marian wrote in with the good stuff. If youre not sitting down, you maybe ought to be;

"Even if you don't speak Italian, I'm sure you can figure out the general gist of the article, eh?
Ricardo Ricco istruttore di Spinning.

Rainbows, sunshine, puppy dogs, & real bike rides,
m"

What a staggeringly brilliant fall from grace.

Speaking of humiliated bicycle superstars, though we didnt come across any on Wednesday for Danny B to insult, we had one incredibly fine evening just the same.
A small group met up including Devon, Stoner, 6'7", DB, Greg, and myself.

The best part was nobody was itching to leave because the sun went down.

Now dont get me wrong- Ive only lived in this town for a few years, so Im not entirely sure that at some point it used to not get dark at night, but Ill be damed if that during a majority of the Wednesday Night Rides, folks always seem to be surprised, and are all too eager to return to the comfort of the paved streets, telephone poles, and aggravated motorists.

Last night that wasnt the case, and we all ripped, blind as bats and beered to the gills over hill and dale, laughing manically all the way back to sea level.

Then once safely back among the good, and upstanding general population, I ate this;

When our hungers and thirts were finally were satisfied, and the bill was payed, 6'7" left the tip;

I realize it can be a dangerous activity that we engage in, and that I then expound on from week to week. We certainly wouldnt want to encourage others to travel down this path, so as such, it should be understood that I simply bring this up more rather as a series of cautionary tales.
We thank you for your time and consideration on this matter.

And for those of our friends in the restaurant industry, we left a gigantic tip in cash.
On our watch, nobody gets stiffed.
And yes, of course every single double entendre in the above report was intentional.
Remember- I have the sense of humor of a 13 year old.

Do you live within an hour of Minneapolis?
Then you should go here;

Joe promised to take me there as his date, but the punk used up all of his frequent flyer miles for one of his other girlfriends, so Im home alone this weekend.
He said that theres a few other release parties slated, the next of which I believe will be somewhere in Vegas around Interbike time, so keep your ears to the ground.

The Cat emailed us with which we can occupy our simple, simple minds;

"Stevil,

Life is good when you can design your own Mr. T!

I love it when a plan comes together!

El Gato"

It would greatly benefit us all if someone much smarter than I am added more options to that little game.
I could get lost in those eyes of Mr. Ts.

Not that Im telling you anything you dont already know, but we here at How to Avoid The Bummer Life have our fingers on the pulse of what moves you.
Case in point.. This image that I posted last summer;

Well, according to a recent report that Byron sent me on Bike Hugger, we truly were at the tip of that particular ice berg when showcasing that image.

Nothing, but nothing escapes our radar my friends.

And it sometimes its with the help of folks like Fred.
For example.... ;

"Monsieur Stevil,

Johnny Rotten has nothing on this guy, Plastic Bertrand, king of the divan:



This year marks the 30th anniversary of his seminal hit, ca plane pour moi.

Here is a translation of important lyrics:

Allez-oop! One morning
a darling came to my home,
a cellophane puppet with Chinese hair,
a plaster, a hangover,
drank my beer in a large rubber glass
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
like an Indian in his igloo

filed, ruined, drained, filled
You are the King of the divan!
she says to me in passing
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
I am the King of the divan"

That clip is confusing.. I mean.. wheres the music coming from?
Wheres his band?
Does it matter?
All of the guys in the audience that look like Freddie Mercury dont seem to care, so maybe we shouldnt either.

While were on the topic of musical stylings, Id like to mention that I listened to the new Metallica album yesterday.
It sucked balls.

In the bad way.

As opposed to this next clip for example, that sucks balls in all the good ways;

I first saw this video many years ago, and was immediately taken with it. This clip is the third of three songs 'played' by this young man in the original, but in this instance, Ill take what I can get.
At one point, there was a bit of mania surrounding this fellow in the San Francisco area and a local independent news paper actually tracked him down, much to his dismay.
The story goes like this- He makes the video tape, looses it, moves out of his house, a roommate who was booking bands at a club in Calgary finds it, plays it between acts, band from the Bay Area sees it and gets a copy, they begin selling it at underground video store, and all the while our hero is toiling away in a Canadian disco hits cover band.

The end.

Also, please notice the unprecedented 'air stick twirl' at about the 1:43 mark.

Id also like to include an email we got from another friend in a far away land that goes by the name of Maître;

"Hi Stevil !

I've been reading this thing for some time and it's the best part of my breakfast everyday - well, almost everyday. So just stay the way you are and do the things that you do so well. I know you will.
Apart from this, I'm a French guy living in Spain and we know these are two bike-aware countries. I haven't got anything that special to say about biking here except that the Spanish do not eat that much bacon…
Yet they can be quite good at avoiding the Bummer Life as these pictures will prove.
I took the first one as soon as I discovered this statue in the Retiro gardens in the center of Madrid.

It might not be that clear when seen in smaller size so I'm sending the detail of the bronze plate on the statue's base.

Yes, it is actually the lieutenant general Juan Van Halen, born in Spain and military chief for the independence of Belgium !
I'm pretty sure he must have avoided the Bummer Life too …"

The next picture I took in july, after the monthly Critical Mass here, in Madrid. The picture actually allowed me to be quite sure of what I had seen and it's the present advertising campaign of some bank that says : "there's a six for you".
What can I say ?

Well it's just in the same line as this ad for a national lottery :

I hope you'll enjoy them and if you'll excuse me, I have a Bummer Life to be avoiding (it's wednesday…).
¡ Hasta luego !

Le Maître Humoguronbuc"

I cant begin to express to you all how truly exciting it is for me to find that there is are individuals like Maître who depite the fact they live so many time zones away, share the same aesthetic and sensibilities as little old me, living here in this dank, dark cave on the Central Coast of the Republic of California.

Now to wrap another marginally exciting post up, Ill share an email that David just this very moment sent to me.
Stevil Kinevil for president.

Ladies and gentlemen, I know I can count on your votes this November.
By the way, I have a super hot, totally inexperienced middle aged running mate, if that does anything for you.

Id also like to include a comment posted anonymously Thursday evening regarding the photo at the bottom of Wednesdays post that came from the email address 'superfuckingdumb@hipster.com' which rather than including it with the other comments, Im opting to include it here because despite its utter uselessness, I think its classic enough to present front and center.

They write;

"i still can't get over the 666 thing... are you serious? that number plate is 1666 anyway... what a joke! oh, i mean, so cool!"

And there I was foolishly thinking that there was no traffic coming from the Bike Snobs world class collection of... what are they called again? Trolls?

Here I am proven wrong yet again.

But really, I love those guys. They make a public forum such as this spicy and exciting, what with all the F words and whatnot.

I really feel as though today Ive truly arrived.

Im going to get the hell out of some rad this weekend, and as Ive said before, I suspect all of you will be doing the same.
Ill see you on Monday, if you dont see me first.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 08:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) |

See, as Ive expressed before to a nearly painful extent, I tend to be a bit of a luddite. I can barely wrap my mind around technological advances on a good day, but in a bolt of inspiration, I at long last think I just may understand how to take digital photos that only marginally suck.

Lucky for you.

Anyhow, over this past three day weekend, M.A., The Stick, 6'7" and I all got out on a spin for a piece, during which time, much to my compatriots dismay, was constantly held up so that I could shoot off a few pics for documentaries sake.
Rest assured, this newly retained skill will only serve to make the visual quality The Bummer Life that much better. Maybe.

You know- a couple of folks who have no problem taking the good photos are Jeff and Brad of Urban Velo who have just put their ninth issue to bed, all of which can be seen in its unadulterated glory right here.

I do love the pulp.

Also.. speaking of which and at the risk of jinxing the whole damn project, there have been a few murmurings floating around concerning the possibility of compiling the best of How to Avoid The Bummer Life in some sort of book thats either suitable for sitting atop a coffee table, or holding up the wobbly leg of one.
Personally, the idea of 'the best of the bummer life' strikes me as being oddly similar to 'the tastiest piece of raw sewage', or 'the most enjoyable Keanu Reeves movie', but thats neither here nor there.
The fact of the matter is if, for example, Courtney Love can go from looking like this to looking like this, then we should have no problem polishing this turd into something presentable.

While Im on the topic of shiftless derelicts tricking the status quo into buying into their own published work, as previously mentioned, our friend Joe has written a book which is now released and begging for folks to pick up a copy.

While there are copies literally flying off the shelf at Amazon(dot)com, you can just cut out the middle man, if you wish by stopping by Velo Press and nicking a copy for yourself.

As far as the 'Dog in a Hat' celebratory ride that The Little Jewford conceived, thats most definitely still in the works, however our hero recently got into a bit of throwdown with a very menacing and ornery stretch of sidewalk and buggered up his right hand.
So with that being said, until hes able to join in on the fun, the ride is on the back burner, but you can rest assured when it does happen, it will include obscene amounts of beer, pork and mayonnaise.

Obscene that is unless your name happens to be Loudass, in which case it would just be referred to as 'breakfast'.

Alrighty then.. On to other news. Recently Craig sent me an email containing a single, solitary shot that just happens to be one of my most favorite things ever;

Im not entirely sure what the hell is going on here, but I think its safe to say that Id get along with these guys famously.

How would you all like a mid-week burst of art that doesnt suck? I came across this dames paintings at a recent installation at Manifesto Bicycles in Oakland and was immediately taken with her work.

Everybody, throw up your hands in appreciation for Ms. Jessica Serran.

Would you all like a breakdown of some bicycle related events that are coming up that may or may not be happening in your very own backyards?
Of course you would.
Now in no particular order, here they are;

And heres one for a particular disapline of cycling that is very near and dear to our hearts;

All youve got to do is do it.
And for the love of God, wont someone take some photos and keep us in the loop about whatever mayhem ensues?
Think of me as your shut-in uncle who really would like to come out and play, but cant because I weigh like, 800 pounds and am trapped in bed under the weight of my own girth and dozens of pizza boxes.
Let me live vicariously through those involved.
I beg you.

Now then, Evan contacted us concerning doing something that really matters. He writes;

"Hey Stevil,
Any chance you could help me reach the masses? I'm doing the MS150, it's about 160 miles in two days. To make it more fun I'm doing it on a fixie, which I'm still fixing but it will be a Cadillac when I'm finished. Any donations would be very helpful. A great tip o' the tallboy to you, I hope you're healing nicely...

I'm registered and ready to go (I think)!! I'm putting the finishing touches on the new bike this week and it should be road-ready, let's just hope my legs are! I was up to about 80-100 miles a week before the rainy season+ TS Fay hit, but I've got a few weeks to get my numbers back up. Thank you for anything you may give. It means alot to me and to whomever may receive it... (Forward this as much as you want/can without being annoying.)
evan

See link below to donate via my personal page, or to send a donation, mail to:
Evan Mathis
8210 Green Parrot Rd #304
Jacksonville, FL 32256-3299
Make all checks payable to: National MS Society"

More information about Evans undertaking can be found here.

and another one from Rotten Thomas;

"Stevil...

Seeing your picture from Worlds made me a little sad that I missed the event. I had to skip it as I promised I'd ride the liveSTRONG century out here in Philly. It's common knowledge that I'm not a huge Lance Armstrong fan. That aside, he's been an incredible advocate for cancer survivors - something that means a lot to me watching my girlfriend battle lung cancer.

She's 28, never touched a cig, and is now missing 2/3s of her right lung. This weekend, I rode beside her as she completed her first century - in the middle of chemo. She's one Tough Cookie and she makes me feel like the lazy slacker that I am. It was a powerful moment helping cheer her along, watching her push through the pain to complete something most people with 2 lungs and a clean blood stream will never do.

Anyway, check out her her blog.
Lance fan or not, consider doing a liveSTRONG event, or donating.
If you're lucky, you might even get a lucky number.

thanks
Rotten."

We here at Swobo wish you all the best of luck with your undertaking as well as the battle that all of the people that youre riding for are in the middle of.
I know these wishes probably seem hollow within the confines of the sterility of the interweb, but they come from the heart, as do our thanks for fighting the good fight.

And with that, weve come to the end of another post instructing us of several ways to avoid a bummer life. Its Wednesday and if I know you like I think I know you, more bummer life avoidence is just a few hours away.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 08:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (14) |

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 07:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) |

But as dazzling as Bradleys form is, lest ye miss Mondays post which is tucked down there, just below.

Posted by Stevil Kinevil at 05:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) |