I feel the need to reiterate a point.. While its true, I have been having a bit of a pity party on behalf of my hands, Its really with tongue planted at least partially in cheek. I mean, sure its a kind of a drag.. Especially when I get a call from Skinny Bee and he tells me of the amazing summer hes had and all of the fantastic hijinx (off road, and otherwise) that hes gotten into, but when I put things into perspective, Im well aware that I really dont have it so bad.
In fact, in an email I recently received from The Queen B in which she detailed a recent velodrome slam, not alot unlike that of our friend The Masi Guy, both of which left our heros battered, beaten and bruised.
That got me to thinking further about the barrage of injuries that not only have affected me over the course of the last year, but those that a good number of people around me have had as well, and while on a road ride last night it dawned on me that in comparison, anyone who is able to still throw a leg over a bike and get the hell out of dodge, in whatever capacity, is still very lucky.
Along with that, I realized that just because Im on the road all of the time doesnt mean that there arent a slew of amazing experiences to be had just the same. For example, I took a paved spin up the hill to meet up with the Wednesday ride last evening and ran into Mr. Gill, who was wearing a U.S. Postal skin suit. Unfortunately for you, I was in such awe, that I didnt think of snapping a shot of it until it was too late. Among other pressing topics, we discussed the semantics of wether or not he was poured, packed or stuffed into said skinsuit, until I eventually bid farewell, and headed back down the road.
I noted that while the photographic opportunities werent exactly what I was used to, Id snap a few just the same.
For example, heres a photo of my best friend in the whole world. He likes bicycles too;
Eventually we saw this sign, but we were all like, 'nuts to that.'
Luckily we came across the rarely photographed mating habitat for the 'whitis trashamongus', but sadly saw no specimens;
We also saw a sleeping deer...
It was noted that we cast a shadow debunking the popular theory that we have no soul;
Once back in civilization, we saw our favorite truck in the world. Usually there is a surf board neatly tucked in the back. Surfers love the environment.
Then upon our arrival home, this is what was waiting for us;
Much like Ice Cube, we had a good day.
You know, our boy Newt out in Chicago likes the road bikes as well. Not that this has anything to do with it, but he sent an email containing this which almost makes sense.
So all of that aside, I also have a jam packed inbox, which I would like to begin to regurgitate on you now.
Are you ready?
I dont care.
Tim writes;
"I love to ride my bike. There’s always something new, some new story to tell my wife when I get home, like being chased home by a thunderstorm through the Flint Hills, where I’m literally the tallest object within several miles in any direction, a perfect lighting rod, keeping pace exactly with the leading edge of hail and wind. Or seeing the shadows of a dozen vultures circling overhead in the 100 degree heat when they realize that I’ve just sucked down the last drop of water in my stash and still have 10 miles yet to go to the nearest drink. Or the screaming hawk that swoops down over my head as I race toward his catch of road kill opossum, or coon, or rabbit. (They always come at me from behind and really scare the shit out of me!) Honestly, Mr. Hawk, I have no interest in your lunch. Then there’s the pheasant, startled by my rapid descent down a hill and decides to escape certain doom by flying out of the ditch through my front wheel. Then there are larger creatures, like the escaped horse trotting down the middle of the road, which I have learned from experience to give a wide berth while passing, lest they freak out and kick you in the head. (I actually caught an escaped horse in downtown Topeka, once. I enticed it to munch on some tall grass I’d pulled up from the sidewalk, grabbed its mane and walked it a block and a half to the animal control office at the police station. The look on their faces when they opened the door!!!!!! Look what I caught!!!) And then most recently, a feral pig that chased me about 100 yards up a hill this past Saturday. It occurred to me, after my adrenaline came down from overdrive, that I’d just imagined it, a black pig, snorting and squealing just like you’d expect an angry pig to snort and squeal, leaping from the underbrush on the side of the road, and giving a very good chase up the road………..A dog? Miniature horse? What the hell was that? But the existence of said pig is well known in that part of the county, and it was confirmed by a co-worker who’d just moved out there and also was chased by the pig on her horse. I honestly didn’t realize that pigs can run faster than dogs! Now I do!
Yes, what brave new world that has such creatures in it! A bicycle in the countryside, freaking out the local residents. I love to ride my bike."
and then concluded that with a second, shorter email;
"A fellow biker who’s much faster and stronger than me just reminded me that it’s thought that the newly discovered mountain lions in these parts take care of most of the feral pigs.
I feel so much better now.
tp"
Its always safe to remember that no matter what anyone says, man is most definitely not at the top of the food chain.
Got this one from my friend Becca Schepps, an all out design and copy-writing dynamo. It will get you fired up on some nostalgia and design and the direction of it in this country for sure, from a design stand point anyway. Oh yeah here is her new bitchen fixie to boot... Oh again for one more thing, she also packs heat."
Regards,
Peter"
Firstly, youll need to imagine a picture of a young woman shooting a handgun for that 'packs heat' reference. Im just too lazy to include it.
Secondly, in regards to the video clip, there are long standing theories of which I know Ive mentioned here before, that state children who are raised around the cookie cutter strip malls and milk toast housing tracts have a substantially lower I.Q. than those who are raised in an environment consisting of visual variation. The next time you pass by a big box store or Best Buy or whatever, take note that its places like those that are helping to make people stupid.
Jocke sent us a blast from the past;
"Found this in a drawer this morning.
It has beer and froth stains on it but no instructions
on how to clean it, it has no labels nothing.
Dryclean or just plain 30c wash?
Please help.
Jocke / Sweden"
Jocke, the beer and froth stains came with the tie, man...
El Gato sent us this;
"Stevil,
Prescribed treatment for adrenaline deficit disorder sufferers.
El Gato"
Ill be damned if it didnt work for me.
Twice.
I used to have a housemate who had a collection of gigantic snakes, one of which was a Burmese Python that was was like, 16 feet long. They were amazing animals and I loved everything about living with them, with the exception of the smell.
Anyway, at one point Catboxxx, (who if you dont know, is quite petite) was staying over on her and GenOs way through town once and she said she didnt sleep so well on account of because she was sure she was going to be eaten in the night.
As lovely as those big animals were, they certainly werent chick magnets, (and I wont even begin to go into the bags of rats and rabbits that were in the freezer.)
CFO had a star sighting;
"Brosef,
Iam 99.666% sure this is Ben Harper with his custom Pegoretti of the Gita site...I went there to see how I may want to build mine up (over the next 25 years) and saw this in the owners section..."
The dude can kill it on a guitar, and he like the nice bikes. He just moved up a notch in my book.
"I know that this is just shameless begging from my ego to be on your completely rad radar but I really do NOT know a better way to avoid the bummer life better than this. I did it today and almost forgot that I had to go to work tomorrow and be a mortician.
- Capt. Fishbeard"
Boise... Are you paying attention?
One of our Canadian compatriots, Darcy writes;
"Hey Stevil,
It is BMX but has a great soundtrack if you are sick of bike videos with so-cal punk for music. Plus. this guy rides backwards so effortlessly it makes my stomach churn with jealousy.
I am hoping to get a Folsom from your Swobo dealer in Saskatoon when I am visiting there next week so I can practice(failing at) riding backwards on my morning commutes.
--Darcy
PS
You really need a dealer in Alberta, specifically Calgary.
Bruce is my new best hero, and I thank you for sending that on.
And now for Darcy and all of our Canadian friends, I offer this shirt that The Skipper recently turned me on to;
Maybe they should also have a print on the back that says "America. The Canadian hats egomaniacal and self important head."
Tyler also wrote in with a call to arms;
"Hello,
Discovery Channel is looking for individuals that want to join an epic journey through Alaska. Howtoavoidabummerlife.com has a great readership and I was hoping you could let them know of our search. Here is the info for the Alaska Adventurer.
Please email me if you have any questions. Thank you.
Tyler
GotCast.com"
Sadly, Tyler doesnt realize that the only people who read this are El Corpo and my mom.
Only the punk wrote in with some amazing shots from a recent trip to the big rodeo;
"Well, i did it, it took a few hours!Italian pro Pantani did it on smack in about 40 mins or something, i did it on a Torque Gel and a packet of Grany(sic) bars lofi style! It was well worth all the sweat and sunburn though cause the descent is a total blast, also i pissed off quite a few roadies by hanging onto their wheels and then passing them HA!
Bourg D'Oisans in the valley below near to the top.....
My weapon of choice.....
Hairpin 18 near the bottom, dedicated to Frank Shleck, obviously didn't impress the recumbent rider having a snooze on the wall. All the race day photos were taken on this corner.....
The Joaquim Agostinho memorial.....
Hairpin 2 and i'm nearly there this one is dedicated to Marco Pantani.....
The finish line!.....
Ifin you have a hankering to peep more of the photos from the trip, just click here.
One thing no one should ever fforget to bring along when traveling abroad is a suitcase like this one Otis sent;
"Yo Stevil,
As I have not yet gotten around to taking snaps of my newly re-painted and restored 1992 MB-1, which I can safely say will make you drool, I offer this drool-inducing collection of pork delights.
Think you can get it past homeland security?
Love from the NW,
Otis"
Man, if you tried to get that through security at the airport, I believe its safe to say youd get locked away and the key would never be seen again.
You wanna know something thats sucks? This is something that sucks.
But not nearly as much as this;
In response to that, our very own JMac writes;
"I think at this point, Norway is just fucking with us to see what we’ll say is rad."
Would you believe that I have about one million more miles of this stuff to sort through, but Ill save that for later. I have a feeling that there were a couple of alley cat flyers that Im neglecting to post, Like this one for example-
-which is going to make me look dickish, but Ive yet to figure out how to color code my emails so Im basically just going though my inbox by feel.
Wait... I found a flyer for a race that hasnt happened yet. I feel like Im getting back in the game;
More info about this here throw down can be found here.
Ok, the plug has got to be pulled here. The weekend is almost upon us which is good due to the fact that Im barely keeping my head above water.
Like the Backstreet Boys once so eloquently stated, 'hang tough.'
Or was that 'hangin' tough'?
Ive already elaborated on that much. This means Im no longer able to give you a weekly break down of the Wednesday Night Ride hijinx.
(though since Ive been absent, it sounds like the hijinx have kinda dropped off a bit), and because I really cant bring myself to describe to you the blow by blow of my hours on the road bike-
(...There was a corner, and then some birds flew over me. Then I climbed for a while, and then there was another corner, and some cars almost hit me, and then I passed by a mail box, and then several hours later I came home...), Im going to bring some more music out, this time however will just exclusively be of the 7" variety.
Though for those of you who arent really feeling the record geeking, sit tight, because as soon as Im back in the game, well get back on point with the heart rate monitors, and discussing every painful detail of our respective training schedules just like old times.
Sweet.
Meow then, (Super Troopers reference #1) did you know before the 80s ruined artists like ZZ Top, and Bob Seger that they totally kicked ass? Its true. Here is a 7" record that aside from this one specifically, Ive only seen one other time in my life. 2+2=? is a Vietnam war protest song that is as relevant today as it was 40 years ago.
Plus Hurl has tried to steal it from me so you know its good.
"Big Blacks signature buzz saw guitar work head splitting Roland drum machine bla bla bla..."
They cover Cheap Trick and Kraftwerk. What else needs to be said?
Long before Burningman ruined everything, there was San Diegos Crash Worship. If you never had the opportunity to see this band, Youtube them just to get a vague idea, and then imagine the most intense acid trip you could have while falling through pulse altering percussion over a waterfall of fire, sweat, smoke, explosions and Sprite and thats almost.. almost... a glimpse into the idea of one of their shows.
The Dwarves first 7" on Sub Pop contains two songs that all together clock in at about a minute, plus that shaggy blond guy in the front row is an old acquaintance named Curtis, though I havent seen him in many years. Punk rock was on the slab with a toe tag until The Dwarves came along.
A Danzig 7" on Sub Pop? Obviously an anonymous bootlegger has got a sense of humor.
Godheadsilo loved little bikes and big noise, and that was enough for me. Two young men, one on drums and one on (bass) guitar that played such a monster sound that a week after a show your hair would still hurt. They poured the foundation for future two man power houses such as Death from Above 1979 and Big Business, but were doing table tops simultaneously, which makes them just a little bit radder.
Providence Rhode Islands Glazed Baby circa 1993. A power trio with an emphasis on power had the chops to leave you with a limp, though unfortunately had the poor taste to include a painting done by yours truly back when I was still in art school and knew everything about everything.
Except how to paint.
This Infested single on Mans Ruin Records had two songs from their full length that was on the jukebox at the Drift Inn bar. I knew every song on the album, which tells you two things. I played the CD alot, and I spent a retarded amount of time at that bar. Anyway, I never found the full length elsewhere, nor did I ever discover any specifics about the band until many years later when I became friends with Danny B and after a round about series of discussions concerning music, told me that his wife Kyrsten played bass for them. Now not only do I have one copy of the full length, but I have two.
I dont remember what this record by Magic Bone sounds like, but the cover was done by that guy who drew the comic book 'Plastic Forks' and was just too much for me to pass up. It came out on a label from Atlanta called Worry Bird Disk, and everything they released had the coolest covers ever, so I bought them generally just based on the visual aesthetics.
Tom Price from Gas Huffer, Martin Bland from Lubricated Goat, Mark Arm and Steve Turner from Mudhoney and Tim Kerr from Poison 13 round out this rock and roll super group.
This is like The Damn Yankees in terms of pure unadulterated star power, except they didnt suck.
Another Awesome Worry Bird disk cover. The only thing I know about this band is Jim Kimball from Mule played drums and I was never sure of what speed I was supposed to play it on, cause either way, the vocalist sounded as if they had lungs and lungs of helium.
Nirvanas first 7". You know everything there is to know about Nirvana. What you probably dont know is that some day Im going to sell this and then with the dough I make, Im gonna buy a giant bag of cocaine and then get on that space shuttle trip that Lance Bass went on and go fly around in the stars blown out of my skull.
Olivelawn was the band that former pro skateboarder Neil Blender once played bass in. O was also in the band and when they broke up, they ended up becoming Fluf.
By sound and by name.
Olivelawn ruled, and no one will ever know it.
Rocket From The Crypt were seven inch record making machines. 'Boy Chucker' came with RFTC pogs, but since I dont know how to play pogs, Im a total poseur.
My friend Jamie was originally from my home town of Evergreen Colorado, but as a young lad moved to San Diego, and lucky for me he did, because while growing up there he procured the only two RFTC 7" records that I did not have, this being one of them but both of which he traded me for a bicycle.
Rocket also released a 5" record, but I dont know what it sounds like because by the time the needle on my record player travels that far to the center of the turn table, it rejects it and returns to the cradle.
Now thats punk rock.
The Superbees were an amazing rock and roll band, pure and simple, though my very favorite thing about them was the singer looked exactly like Ben Stiller in 'Something about Mary' in the beginning when he zipped up his goods in Cameron Diaz's bathroom.
Franks and beans! Franks and beans!
The Scud Mountain Boys haunting melodies will reduce the most hardened and burly lumberjack to tears.
If I was forced to choose between the entire Urge Overkill discography and this Sub Pop singles club release, Id choose the latter. Thats how much I like it.
Plus it reminds me of how Id like to be able to dress one day.
Chances are pretty good that youll never see this Unsane record in the flesh. New Yorks purveyors of gruesome, bottom heavy and concussive hatred scoop out a heaping helping that can only be described as what it might sound like if a fleet of garbage trucks crashed through the 'Flava of Love' house.
Panties and gold teeth everywhere.
And well round this collection out with a 7" record by a band called Vitapup. This is one of my all time favorite records- 7" or otherwise, but when I finally got the opportunity to see them play live, they were utterly horrible.
At least Ill always have the record though.
Well, once again, Ive let my fingers do the walking, and the collection do the talking but at this late hour, Im bored, and if Im bored, you must be in absolute agony. Like I said, Im knee deep in physical therapy, Ive doubled up on the bar tape on my drop bar bikes and am in the process of swapping out the grips on a couple of my dirt bikes, so Im gonna be like, good as sort of new before we know it and then we can once again discuss the virtues of riding in no direction in particular with a backpack full of beer, some weeping Poison Oak blisters on our legs and get away from all of this extracurricular nonsense.
What Matts wearing here is a beernet made by the very capable hands of Cory, formerly of Dank messenger bags fame. Now it should be noted that until I saw this, I felt whole. My life was one of peace and relative fulfillment, however now, there is a hole in my heart the size of.. well... the size of the beernet. So it is with a bowed head and clasped hands that I implore you all, the dedicated and steadfast readers of How To Avoid The Bummer Life, if you can help me procure an item such as this, I will do what I can short of breaking the law to make it worth your while.
First up and to kick Monday off right, Id like to include the newest addition to our ever growing wall of shame that last week was provided to us by Meghan.
You all might remember this small slice of the fashion world from my recent trip to Minneapolis.
Now if youre anything like me, youre wondering why Meghan just didnt put those shorts out of their misery, and set them on fire like any reasonable person might have done, but luckily for the wall, she didnt and until she returns to her senses, on the wall they will safely stay.
At least until another occasion comes along at which I can proudly don them again...
Anyhow- did everyone have a suitably relaxing weekend vacation? Life in these parts was just fine. As Id mentioned on Friday, we attempted to unload some of our wares in a parking lot sale. I shirked duty big time and went on a bike ride, but eventually fell into the parking lot to find Erin holding the fort down, and selling what previously might have thought to have been unsellable.
Thats why shes the sales maven, and not.. say, the sales jar-of-pickles.
The really cool part of the sale is that we still had back stock from the old days, and in a phone conversation with El Corpo Friday afternoon, he said we could use some of the dough generated by the sale to procure airsoft guns for lunch time battles. There was only one condition however and that was that we get him one as well.
"No problem" I said. "Ill get you one of these, while The Skipper and I will both be getting one of these."
Or maybe, one of these;
Our lunch breaks are going to be absolute blood baths.
When including April, our incredibly understanding human resources person in on our plan, we asked her if we could get a safety glasses dispenser by the front door for any hapless visitors, which, (shaking her head in dismay) she immediately agreed would be a good idea.
Check out this list. Each of those bikes represent one broken heart. Mine included.
Goodbye Retrotec.... I hardly knew you.
In other news, I got an email from old school one speed hero, Robert Ives in which he regaled us with an experience he recently had while on his ride home;
"On my ride home today I saw a tweeker.... shocking I know.. whacking the shit out of his front wheel with a broken broom handle while riding it down the the street. No sooner than the thought "that doesn't seem like a good idea" raced through my mind, the stick caught and tossed him over the bars into a ball faster than I have ever seen a bike endo- so fuckin' hard that the front wheel came off the ground about a foot when it locked up. Completely undaunted, he picked up his bike and started riding down the street again whacking his front wheel with the now shorter broomstick.
Moral: life is beautiful, even when its 100 degrees. I love Sacramento..."
If it was, Id imagine that given the opportunity, he might have put the hammer down and whooped up on Robert for the preme, just for old times sake.
JWG wrote in;
"I saw this the other day when I was drinking on my day off. I almost got backed into and risked life and limb to get this for you. Signs of the SUV apocalypse."
Yeah, thats alright, but as I told John, if the plate had said '6664U', I would most assuredly have crapped a ninja.
Weve had a couple other random sightings that have been sent in recently for our edification. The first being from Conrad;
Ill bet that guy really got behind the whole 'freedom frys' thing from a few years ago.
God bless Amerikuh indeed, Captain Douchebag.
The second random sighting comes in the form of an email from Sean;
"Stevil - thought you might like this one.
So I'm riding along this morning on my inbound commute, enjoying the views along the Animas River Trail in Durango, CO (Pic 1).
We are currently in a beautiful weather pattern here - early season monsoonal activity - trails are October-tacky - road-riding is sublime....I cross the bridge to where my office awaits and I see this (pic 2).
I gather from the evidence he drove to the adjacent parking lot and lugged his gear out on to the trail to get some work in. Now I hate to bag on anyone who is avoiding the....couch - but isn't this like bringing sand to the beach?
Sean M."
"Bringing sand to the beach"? Dammit Sean, Im the one who is supposed to come up with the funny lines like that.
However, this does vaguely remind me of a fellow I used to work with. Now it should be understood that Im fairly tolerant of just about anybody, and especially if I have to work in a close proximity with them, Ill make concessions for their lameness until the cows come home, but this guy in particular, I absolutely loathed. Before he was eventually 'invited to quit', Id completely given up on all aspects of maintaining a relationship with him aside from the regular heckling I would dish out.
He was hands down the most ignorant, yet astonishingly arrogant individual Ive ever met in my life. It was his first job in the bike industry, and though he had no clue how any aspect of the industry worked, because he had a helmet mirror, and baggy lycra tights, he was utterly certain that he had it all figured out and would ultimately reinvent the wheel, despite the several hundred years of collective experience those around him whom he regularly disagreed with had.
Anyway, one sunny day he got busted in his full kit, pulling his bike from his vehicle a few blocks from work in an attempt to appear as though he rode in, like any self respecting person might.
You can be sure that he was never allowed to forget it either.
For those who might care, Jeff forwarded on this KEXP blog featuring that band who has gotten all kinds of glowing press on The Bummer Life lately.
Oh yeah, and even though it has nothing to do with the rock and/or roll, or driving your bike to work, lest any of ye forget, the NACCC is right around the corner.
This weekend I was discussing what prevented me from making it to last years, and though I couldnt remember, the bruises that I obtained from kicking myself from doing so are still visible.
Dont make the same mistake I did.
Heres a story that makes a suitable companion for the piece I posted last week about the barbeque sauce.
Lick a cop- go to jail, proving perhaps that the snozberries really do taste like snozberries.
And now finally, in regards to this weeks header photo, Ben from The Alt writes;
"Stevil,
This isn't exactly avoiding the bummer life, but I am in the process of launching a new bike company called Handsome Cycles. The first model being The Handsome Devil.
Here is a link to some of our photos, that I thought you might dig. Also we will be at interbike somewhere, with a give away that I know you will appreciate."
Damn. Just as I feel like Im getting on top of my bike collection, another one comes down the pipe that I would happily include.
It looks like Ill once again have to go against my better judgement and make the trip to Vegas this year.
Oh, as a footnote, ifin any of yall are still searching round for Pentabike socks, all you have to do is go right here.
Brown and blue is how we do...
Thats all weve got this time around. Like clockwork, Mondays reared its ugly head, but if we dont look at it in the eye, itll ignore us and be gone before we know it.
One mid-week party, and The Bummer Life production schedule goes all haywire.
Some weeks my life is all training rides, work, sleep and protein shakes, yet sometimes they get flipped on their ear and everything takes a back seat to bocce ball and drinking my face off, though not necessarily in that order.
Id not experienced the joys of bocce ball before, and I found that I was quite fond of it, though perhaps my favorite part was the fact that there were smaller, lighter 'kids balls' that we learned on, and then eventually graduated to the heavier 'adult balls'. There was no shortage of jokes about this fact, again proving that my sense of humor hasnt developed one iota since I was 13.
Oh, there were also some wings in there somewhere too, but I was only reminded of that the next day when experiencing the down side of drinking gallons of crappy beer, the consumption of which was only matched by the intake of spicy food.
And for those of you who had expressed concern for my well being after being told that I couldnt drink, I was actually busted several times at the party by my doctor, each time in an even more compromised position then the last, until fate found me in front of the house unable to recall how a quick release worked.
At some point the good doctor patted me on the head and told me that it was 'all good', which ultimately gave me the green light to totally over do it.
Anyway, from all of your friends and enemies at Swobo, happy 17th birthday (again) Complayna.
Nate got ahold of us to say that his 'The Way Bobby Sees It' DVD got destroyed during shipping, and that hed also recently been tangled up in a hit and run, which left him battered and bruised, but when I expressed sympathy for his ordeal, he simply responded with this;
Elmes sent in some shots of a couple of the Clifbar Two Mile Challenge crew getting, as my old school chum from Boston might say, 'wicked crafty' with a Swobox.
Obviously riding a Swobo bike hasnt yet had an adverse effect of their I.Q.
If necessity truly is the mother of invention, then when youve spent as much time on the road as the Two Mile Challenge team have, delirium is inventions wet nurse.
Bless you both for using your noodles, and congratulations for being the very first to ever offer up a Swobo bike box creation for The Bummer Life. Just for that, email me at stevil@swobo.com and give me the address of whatever motel youre staying at next, and Ill get a couple of our organic cotton t-shirts out for you..
That way the box can maintain its function as laundry mover/sleeping quarters, and the t-shirt can be worn in a myriad of ways- our favorite of which being modeled here by our own Skipper.
Ok, in regards to the list of records I posted on Tuesday, many folks pointed out glaring omissions. I concluded that post by saying that it was a severely incomplete list. Yep, The Refused, The Beastie Boys, Metallica, Jon Spencer, Mastadon, Public Enemy, The Black Sheep, Urge Overkill, Rocket From The Crypt, Uncle Tupelo, The Fluid, Mudhoney, Cat Stevens, Kyuss, Fudge Tunnel, Ben Harper, Pantera, And yes, absolutely Squirrel Bait... For one to say that they would be able to narrow all of that down to just a few would be to say that you only have a finite number of moods, which of course is untrue.
I find that its far easier to pick a favorite food or color then something as complex as music.
However, upon completing the list, and scanning all of those covers and then finding the other covers that wouldnt fit on my scanner elsewhere on the interweb, the byproduct of the exercise was that I took three hours out of my day and reflected very exclusively on something I love dearly.
Its true- I left out a bunch, but when all was said and done, I was left with a feeling of quiet contentment, and that didnt suck at all.
Evan caught up with us about something I love, and something I dont love;
"Stevil,
Thanks for the ups on the site. I got a rad $6.66 tip the other day, I'm waiting on a pic to be emailed to me...
On a sadder note, I ran across these pics tonight, didn't know if you'd seen them. They're beautiful but heartbreaking...
peace
evan
I hadnt seen those, and it did my heart good to see a picture of our old friend Richie in among them all.
R.I.P. Atip, indeed.
Hey, ifin you find yourself in or around the great city of Denver this weekend, dont forget that Urban Assault Ride is about to come crashing down around your ears.
Weve dropped another bomb of Swobo goodness on the organizers of the event, so why not get out there and swoop on some of it? You know if I was there, I certainly would.
"First - I made a group ride living hell for myself by soloing off the front and going all out to try to play keepaway for nearly a half hour on Saturday. Put five minutes into the group, but destroyed my legs,
could barely turn the pedals. After the regroup, we headed up the long false flat/hill finish, and when I went to sprint, I could only turn a steady 666 watts. I nearly fell off the bike laughing. Yep, when your legs feel like hell at the end of a hard ride, it's because THEY ARE HELL ITSELF!
More importantly - check out how food prices in this damn Bush economy are impacting a couple poor people. It's sad, really... The pictures tell the story.
All the best,
Jim"
Brutal. Really, really brutal.
Now in the standard schizophrenic fashion I jump from one topic to the next, heres an email from Monk;
"Is there anymore disturbing feeling then sitting on a warm public toilet seat. It only conjures up images of the horrifying events that must have just transpired? Lord, have mercy on our blackened souls.
Always diligent in bummer life avoidance,
Monk"
Thanks for that Monk, youve really helped kick Friday off right.
Wanna peep a shot of the new Swobo intern?
Weve got nothing but the utmost confidence in her, but Ill be damned if she thinks Im gonna let her keep my glasses. I cant see a thing without them.
Tyler wrote in with a heads up;
"Hey, Stevil, just figured I'd give you a little heads up on an MTV thing that was shot in my town. Lots o' Swobo logos, bro.
...and I stumbled across this photo I thought you might be stoked on:
Yep, those would be interwoven bacon slices for use as insulation between bun and burger.
Tyler"
Thats deliciously horrifying.
And speaking of bacon, as adamant as Ive been about boycotting this years Tour, last evening I was pried out of my funk with an invite to Yafro and Devons house for some home cooked food and a viewing of stage 17 which was projected on a movie screen in their backyard.
The bummer lifes got nothin' on me.
I will leave you with this bit of sweet news to ponder over your weekends from Tobie;
Ill bet his parents are very proud.
Happy Friday everybody. Well catch you on the flip flop.
Oh- by the way, this Saturday the 26th, Santa Cruz Bicycles is having a garage sale that theyve been threatening to throw for several years, and are unloading a whole crap ton of goods. You might not be familiar with that particular unit of measure, but its a big one to be sure.
Anyway, Erin the sales maven and I will be piggy backing on the bash and will have a slightly smaller crap ton of Swobo goods on sale as well, so if youre in the neighborhood, swing on by and get in on the deals.
Favorite things come in all shapes and sizes, but some days theyre round and 7 to 12 inches wide.
Theres nothing so soothing as the warm tones emitted from a vinyl record, for example. Growing up, I spent hours pouring through my dads record collection. He had everything from Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass to Iron Butterfly and just about everything in between. From a young age I was immediately drawn to the oil-slick-in-a-puddle visual quality that the LPs had and was entranced by the fact that all of those sounds could be contained in the endless spiral of the grooves. Eventually I began to amass my own collection, which sadly was interrupted by the digital revolution and the bane of my existence- the CD, or as Steve Albini once referred to it..'the rich mans 8 track'.
Eventually I had to embrace the annoying little silver disks, as titles were increasingly unavailable on the wax, but luckily for me, there was a small group of determined audiophiles committed to maintaining the vinyl LPs existence. Still, I knew I was settling on only owning half of the music I wanted to, and eventually procured a CD player, and much later, an ipod...
My purest brethren most assuredly groaning in dissaproval.
Anyhow, along the way Ive amassed a fairly broad collection of music that I love as if it were written especially for me. What follows, (as if you care,) is a list ala John Cusack in 'High Fidelity' of the best (or at least my favorite) records I have in my collection..
-The Afghan Whigs 'Up In It'
A beautifully agonizing album by Cincinnati's favorite sons, possibly only second to their 'Uptown Avondale' EP on which they pay tribute to Freda Payne, The Supremes, Percy Sledge and Al green. Awesome.
-The Black Keys 'Thick Freakness'
Two white boys playing the hell out of some dirty blues. Fuzzed out guitars, soulfully guttural vocals and a hard hitting snare and cymbal happy drummer that will remind you why youre glad you have ears. Its the only album Ive bought, and immediately purchased a second for my dad.
-Mule 'Wrung' EP
Three men playing the kind of soul wrenching sorrow that youd expect to be born while living life riding the rails and cooking leather boots over an open fire.
-Power Station 'self titled LP'
The 80s supergroup featuring Tony Thompson on percussion. What can I say? Im a sucker for the drums.
-Drive like Jehu 'self titled LP'
Big sounds from San Diego weaseled their way into my heart and burrowed their way to its core. If youre at all familiar with the work of Rick Froberg and John Reis, then in my humble opinion, this is the culmination of all that was great from the two of them. Artistic, angular, powerful, emotive and pissed all at the same time.
-Jesus Christ Superstar
Andrew Lloyd Webbers seminal masterpiece. The power of '39 Lashes', (later brilliantly covered by The Cows) is undeniably as moving as it is aggravating. Likewise is 'The Temple' also covered by the previously mentioned Afghan Whigs on their 1994 release 'Gentlemen'. Ive mentioned before, this record is one of the first pieces of music I ever heard, and what I blame most of my adolescent nightmares on.
-The Dirtbombs 'Dangerous Magical Noise' and 'Ultra Glide in Black'
What can I say about this band that I havent already? They make my world go round, and Soulcraft named a bike after them. Nuf said.
-Black Flag 'My War'
The first punk rock record I ever bought and was probably responsible, for better or for worse, for me keeping one foot firmly planted in reality, while the other foot was floating somewhere in the world of standard preteen despair and self destruction.
-Slint 'Spiderland'
To me listening to this is somehow akin to being stuck on a rapidly disintegrating ship on an angry sea, with a glimmer of calm visible on the distant horizon.
-Shellac 'Peel Sessions bootleg' 7"
While the recording quality isnt that good on this 7" record, its one of my favorites because its got one of the first recordings of 'Spoke' which was later released on their 'Excellent Italian Greyhound' LP, and also because I know for a fact that its the only Shellac release, bootleg or otherwise, that Shellac drummer Todd Trainer doesnt own.
-Turbonegro 'Suffragette City' 7"
This is like a Reeces peanut butter cup... Two great tastes that go great together. The mighty Turbonegro do justice to David Bowies hit, and when you get right down to it, David Bowie rules.
-The Cherubs 'Car jack Fairy' 7"
It was once said perhaps by me, or by someone like minded that 'Carjack Fairy' should be the new national anthem.
-Mule 'Im Hell' 7"
Another Mule Album. This is the one Ive mentioned here several times before on which they pay tribute to Nina Samones 'To Love Somebody'. I suppose a true Nina purest would be absolutely aghast at this version, but to my ears it sounds like pure bliss.
-The Jesus Lizard 'Wheelchair Epidemic' 7"
Always professional, always deranged, The Jesus Lizard dont disappoint in the least with their cover of The Dicks song as the title track. When this one came across the desk of Tipper Gore in her PMRC days, Id imagine she probably simply threw up her hands and walked away.
-The Hellacopters 'Killing Allan' 7"
Years ago I published a little fanzine and operated a record label on which we focused almost exclusively on 7" records. Eventually we were getting envelopes stuffed with 45s of every imaginable genre. Most of them sucked, but a pretty fair number did not. I was pretty taken with what these unknown Scandinavian long hairs were getting into, so I filed it away in my collection. It wasnt until several years later when the band actually got pretty huge and I found that folks were dropping up to $400.00 for this particular slab. I decided Id had good foresight when squirreling it away, but all of that aside, they do a tremendous job at channeling what those from the motor city like The Stooges and the MC5 were doing decades earlier.
Now lastly, not that Im nearly done, but more so because Id imagine youre fairly bored with this drivel by now, Ill feature this final gem that truth be told, I cant even remember the music on, but for obvious reasons, I bought simply due to the genius of the packaging.
-Buzzmuscle 'Assembler' 7"
Thats some crackerjack marketing right there, my friends.
As Ive flipped through the collection and attempted to narrow down the field of what ten records or so, Id like to be trapped on a desert island with, I realize Im no closer now then I was a couple of hours ago.
While these are indeed some of my favorites, there is a myriad of other titles chomping at their heels, and perhaps at some point when I have another afternoon to burn Ill get to listing those as well.
Its true what they say though... Record collectors genuinely are pretentious assholes.
Here's a beer that I saw in the latest Beer Advocate that I knew a hexakosioihexekontahexaphile like yourself needed to know about.
Something to look for the next time you find yourself in Toronto.
-Matt"
I told Matt I figured it probably tastes like blood.
And then Peter writes with something totally unrelated;
"I have no idea what this has to do with anything other than greasiness, but noteworthy nonetheless.
We, being myself and the studio folks, where having our weekly grubdown on the salty goodness, yet nutritionally void, unnamed pizza and wings.
Upon looking at one of the boxes it was revealed that unnamed pizza place had licensed out the batman trademark. Apparently someone on their creative team thought it would be a great idea to make batman suite "collect them all" kind of pieces that you can cut away from boxes. Great idea in theory... (the pictures will show the poor idea in execution. don't forget to read the warning)
Unfortunately, I was unable to coax any of my studiomates to wear piece #1, the mask of course.
As if this shit didn't give people a bad enough complexion already!
Anyway, as they say at such fine dining establishments, "Enjoy!"
When warnings such as 'dont make a mask out of this till theres no pizza in it' start appearing, I tend to blame the lawers, and the pansy ass victims who insist on suing over such nonsense.
But then again, if you were gonna try and sue somebody for all that theyre worth, this 'unnamed eatery' probably wouldnt be a bad place to start.
Maybe you could even end up with enough dough out of the deal to afford a home here.
Just dont forget to buy your condoms elsewhere.
this one is topical, but they all rule. Get in on it.
Off to ride.
Hambone"
If I was a betting man, Id say that particular strip was inspired by Ed, cause you all know what I say about people who ride bikes..
Ed was most definitely both.
But you know, now that i think about it, you rarely ever see any fat poor and/or crazy people...
That intersection should most likely be marked by this street sign that Joe sent a shot to us of;
Now then, did everybody have a good weekend? Most likely it was too short as always, I figure.
Life around these parts was none too shabby.
I eked out some time on the bike with Blacksocks, but primarily I hunkered down in the studio and got rad. At some point recently I realized that outside of work, bikes, eating, sleeping and brushing my teeth, I end up with about 15 minutes of genuine free time a week, so I gotta use it wisely.
And while were close to the topic of wasting time, Colin writes;
"Dear Stevil,
I've never played one of these things before, but I might have to start. Here's the article from the New York Times.
I'm not sure if that's a lot or a little, but seems like the Times just wanted to print something with 666 in the title.
-Colin
Say, it was pointed out to me after I posted it, but that Times article about the InBev buyout had a word count of six hundred and sixty six.
I thought that was awesome.
Anyway Colin, stay the hell away from those things. I went to a party at a friends house some time ago, and they had just gotten one. Like I always say, 'try everything at least once', which I did.
For about a minute.
Basically I think video games are lame, whether theyre interactive or not, and unless you happen to be in prison, are a huge waste of time and money.
One thing I dont think is a huge waste of time and money however is sending a black metal band to the playground.
Not sure if this was covered before on HTATBL, and if so, I apologize in advance. But, if not, you're in for a real treat -- after all, what goes better with bacon than demonic black metal? I present to you "Morbid Anal Fog" and their video for "Nokturnal Bacon Throne":
Lovin' your site -- many work hours are spent giggling maniacally at the myriad delights contained within.
Jack Sweeney
"Ghost Rider"
Tampa, Florida"
That reminds me of the old days when the guys from Big Brother Magazine would dress up like black metal kids and go take cooking classes and such.
Never before have spiked wrist bands and white face paint been so much fun.
You know what else would be fun?
This;
"Hey Stevil,
The local antique/"architectural ornament" shop had this in their showroom and called us to tune it up for them. Pretty rad. My favorite part is the wooden number plate w/ the star. So pimp! Moto-fork....coaster brake for about 1000lb fully-loaded? (yikes!) Enjoy.
Ghostship Matt"
I swear- all of my friends and I would have so much fun on that thing..
You know.. if I only had four more friends....
We havent showcased any art that doesnt suck for a while, so today seems to be as good a day as any to do just that. Shortly after my most recent trip to Minneapolis, I put up a photo I shot of one of Evan Pennys hyper realistic sculptures. Heres a clip of Mr. Penny discussing the process and the impetus of his work;
If you like that, perhaps youd like to check out the follow up clips in the series. Part two,
and part three.
Heyho, Its Monday. Ive got my thinking cap back on and all of my pencils sharpened...
I guess that means its time to find a breakfast burrito and a cup of coffee...
I mean I cant work brilliantly if I dont eat brilliantly first.
For example, our friends over at Bicycle Retailer did us a solid thats akin to asking a grizzled old man such as myself for an I.D. when attempting to purchase the hootch.
They called us hipsters.
Now it should be duly noted that collectively (with the exception of Bruce, who is ageless), the five of us are roughly 216 years old, with around 75 years in the bike industry between us, but thats neither here nor there. The author of said piece has made me feel young again, and for that, I offer many thanks.
I do have to take slight exception to any one of us being referred to as a 'Swobozo' however. I understand that on a good day our hair is generally an unmanageable mess of crap, but theres really no need to go throwing stones.
Another form of Friday Hero comes in the form of Will;
"Hey Stevil,
Thanks for featuring my story of carnage and stick-to-itiveness a few weeks back. I'm almost all healed up, that wet healing method is indeed a lot better, although peeling wet scabs off your arm every morning in the shower is a drag.
I only bring this to your attention reluctantly, as I am not a superstitious man, but take a look at the race numbers I had for the Buffalo Creek Xterra (see pic). There were two numbers in the race pack, one for the bike, one for the run... it takes a little addition, but... As you know, I crashed like a sack of potatoes, if that sack of potatoes happened to be riding in a downhill race. I will speculate no further.
While I was recovering and telling my harrowing tale to coworkers in the office, I was soon made to feel like an ass, because the Thursday after my wipeout, my coworker Katie was hit while walking across the street by a left turning in-attentive driver going about 30 mph. Katie may weigh about 102 lbs, so she did not win in this showdown. My only hope is that since she was in a crosswalk, crossing on the walk sign, and the driver was on their phone, that Katie will soon be a wealthier woman, and not have to trouble herself with unpleasantries such as data entry. (she said it's cool if you want to use her picture).
That picture was taken while Katie and I observed a kickball game which we normally participate in during healthier times, and so instead we drank Coors on the sidelines. My big moment came when an errant ball bounced my way, and on my slow jog to retrieve it, I ended up rolling my ankle and mangling the tendon that makes my left foot work properly. The damn ankle injury hobbled me more than the bike wipeout, and turned my whole foot a lovely shade of putrid purple for a few days time... just goes to show, you need to avoid the bummer life as much as possible since you never know when you will be crippled chasing down a kick ball, or flattened by a RAV4 while innocently crossing the street.
Yours Truly,
Will"
Firstly, never in the history of man have numbers been a catalyst of ill fate, and if anything, your good fortune for ending up with those plates steered you clear of making an even greater mess of yourself, though I cant refrain from mentioning that part of the reason you crashed just may have been because youre missing one of your fork legs.
Anyway, accidents happen.. Its just that Satan keeps a close eye on us to make sure we dont get too badly damaged. He needs us around to continue spreading his word.
Secondly, I always assumed that anyone who got in a tangle with a Rav4 would just swat it away like a pesky gnat and emerge victorious, but evidentially thats not the case. Im glad youre both doing well and healing up like healthy people do.
Thirdly, and though I probably should be, Im not ashamed to admit that theres something unsettlingly alluring about an attractive woman in a neck brace.
And speaking of attractive people with injuries, heres to the first day of the rest of my life.
Another suitable Friday Hero was sent from the large fella on a bike who is my eight year old alter ego that goes by the name of Chloe.
She obviously has nothing before her but a sublimely sinister path, and it doesnt look to bother her to much.
Now then.. this beast right here is the pneumatic stapler that we use to seal up the bike boxes.
The other day I thought it would be funny if I emptied it out and then nail The Skipper in the back to scare him. Just before I unveiled my master prank, I took it for a test drive on my own thigh just to be sure it was harmless. As I pulled the trigger, I recalled the lightning quick and gigantic spikes that protrude momentarily when fired.
The result was a blinding pain and a sweet bruise.
That right there is called the wisdom of adulthood. Had I been two decades younger or so, I would have gone ahead and lit The Skipper up, which ultimately would have resulted in me having to hold him down and apologize until he swore not to punch me in the nose.
So on that note... Hell... Maybe I deserve to be a little bit of a Friday Hero as well.
Apparently the powers that be had a suspicion that The Skipper and I were spending our days in the warehouse goofing off and had secret video cameras installed in an attempt at catching us in the act. Somehow Brent got ahold of one of the clips and forwarded it on to me letting me know the days of shirking our duties are numbered.
That surely will wreak havoc on my doctors visits insurance claims.
You know who else fits into this weeks Friday Hero category? Elmes and his love of all things two wheeled.
I smell some serious adventure on the horizon for this particular hero.
And now- an email from El Gato;
"Stevil,
Its only a matter of time until we see the Bacon Helmet:
As I responded to The Cat, bacons supposed to go in you, not on you...
In regards to the recent InBev buyout of our beloved Budweiser, our own Sky writes;
"I did an informal survey when I was in Belgium in '05 shortly after InBev became the globe's heavy hitter buying up Brasil's Brahma brand. I asked bartenders "Who is more evil? George Bush or InBev?" Nine out of ten said "InBev." As you certainly know beer in Belgium is like wine in France, the national drink and a symbol of pride. There are over 150 breweries there. Well, InBev gets the Zenith of Evil award because they're not buying up the little breweries, they're buying up the distributors. Look out American beer drinkers, it's going to be a rocky ride. Did you know InBev owned Rolling Rock?
And with that, I say 'aside from InBev and Ricco, screw the work week doldrums'...
I say 'the weekends for sleeping in, delicious breakfast, cartoons and bicycles'....
I say 'crack a coldy with a friend and shoot BB guns at emptys in the backyard, but freak out cause you caught a ricochet right near your eyeball but then you laugh because the welt looks like a little smiley face, and then you play with your cat and take a nap...'
Pulling out the drawers, and scattering the contents like so many leaves in the wind..Again.
Ive got a jam packed inbox again, and no realistic way of cohesively linking any of it together, so Ill just dump it out, and you can pick the gems as you choose. Like this one for example;
"-'The Future is Unwritten' may be the best movie ever....this probably will be second"
Again- No doubt.
Evan wrote in to let us know he has more fun then we do;
"I was lucky enough to be at the Rothbury Festival last weekend and spotted some of your wares at the Clif/Trek 2 mile challenge booth. I wanted to take it off off the rack and ride it, walking's for the birds.
Incredibly good music, vibes and weather, and now it's back to the grind. Complete avoidance of said bummer-life, though. If memories were currency I'm a rich bastard...
evan"
You know, our friend Elmes was out there working with the Clif Bar folks, and when we crossed paths when I was back in Colorado, he was still raving about it. He also said that everybody was super stoked with the Swobo bikes. Especially the individual who helped themselves to one.
Bike thieves obviously have good
