A shakedown of our typical hodgepodge, beginning with the rather absurd.
Yeah, thats what our cities finest are most proud of currently. Riding three abreast on the bike path, or as illustrated in the following photo from Marks Flickr page, driving on a pedestrian only bridge.
Oh, and thanks for 'making way' for the cyclist guys. Thats mighty white of you.
The terrorists dont stand a chance.
If you care to read the whole story, which Im betting you do not, its right here.
But this isnt a just forum in which to savor the frivolity of our local government. Its also a place that we can showcase the cops being heros as well.
Case in point- this here email from Lou;
"Stevil,
Just thought I'd share this while it was fresh in my mind. I was out just a couple of hours ago, sneaking in a Sunday night "sanity ride" to put the craziness of the past week behind me. I was about 4.75 miles into a quick 10 miler, just before my turn around, enjoying the warm summer night...bad air and all. Right then I heard the accelleration and saw the movment of headlights. As I looked over my left shoulder, a very samll car with 4 very large guys in it swerved towards me and launched a full unopened bottle of water at me. It hit my left arm so damn hard it felt like a bat. The top actually came off when it hit me. I'm no physics expert, but they were probably doing 50-55 mph when they threw it...you can do the math. Anyway, here's the best part. My turnaround is at a police substation, so these morons pulled this crap within 1/4 mile of a cluster of black and whites...one of who was headed the other direction and saw the whole thing happen. I pressed charges and got to watch the knucklehead get loaded into the police car and read his rights. Apparently in the great state of CA, throwing a projectile from one moving vehicle towards another moving vehicle (they checked the books and BIKES QUALIFY) is a FELONY! Score one for us. In his defense, said knucklehead told the arresting officer, "I wasn't trying to hit him, I just wanted to hit the bike." Smart. Then the officer asked, "What if you had made him crash? Do you realize you could have killed the guy?" To which the knucklehead replied "uhhhhhhhhh" Even smarter.
Bruised and shakey but still riding!
Be well and thanks for HTATBL
Lou"
Were glad youre alright Lou. If I had a dime for every time Ive had something lobbed, thrown, spit, chucked or hucked at me while partaking in a bike ride, Id be a rich man. It almost makes all of those instances worth it that these subhuman thugs got their just deserts.
This next tidbit has nothing to do with cops in any form or fashion, but of a young girl in Alaska that ended up on the business end of a very large and very angry bear. Yjro writes;
"Stevil,
Did a 24 hour race up in Achorage this weekend, a competitor got mauled by a bear at about 1:30 in the morning.
If you can have everybody keep her in your thoughts, that would be awesome.
Thanks,
Yrjo (Dutch)"
Of course shes in our thoughts. If anyone knows how we might get ahold of her to lay some Swobo love in her hands, please contact me and give me the scoop.
Someone that will be getting no love from us however is this cat that Ive affectionally nicknamed Captain Jackass.
Id buy a bakers dozen of those decals if I could plaster his stupid face shut with them.
Of course I imagine hell be singing a different tune as the subject of this article comes to fruition-
"Over the next four years, we are likely to witness the greatest mass exodus of vehicles off America’s highways in history. By 2012, there should be some 10 million fewer vehicles on American roadways than there are today—a decline that dwarfs all previous adjustments including those during the two OPEC oil shocks."
But of course as The Bike Snob recently reported, the downside to this dream is the streets being flooded by people who have absolutely no idea how to ride a bike in traffic, thereby making the daily commute an equally, albeit totally different kind of treacherous.
Be careful what you wish for, indeed.
Waggle, the moustache "winner" writes;
"So I was J.R.A. with my car full of shit because I was moving and when i say full of shit I was about 2 feet from having a microwave in my lap. Anywho this light turns yellow so I hit the gas because the brake was not an option then i would have a lot more shit in my lap and besides... fuck brakes. anyway i guess from the "highly trained" eye of the local law enforcement i ran a red light. as i was sitting there i looked and the trip odometer and guess what i see?
a little 666 staring right back at me. I wish i was lying about this because i now have to take out of my 2009 bike tour fund and let the city spend it on some asshole cops salary. i snapped a little picture just for you. I'll try harder to avoid the bummer life, next time i'll be riding my bike.
john"
Waggle, I suspect that this occurrence was no accident.
Sky sent this shot on to me the other day;
I immediately thought of the scene in 'Lord of War' during which a fast motion clip unfolds of a cargo plane being completely stripped top to bottom. As I replied to Sky, I suspect that if this truck was parked in Portland, a very similar fate might befall it.
And try as I might, Im unable to find the clip to which Im referring, so youll just have to settle for the trailer.
Its times like these when I feel as though I just may have actually come to the end of the internet...
But then Michael emailed us to let us know he shot some love our way via his blog "What Bike Should I get Next?"
So I thought it only fair that I return the favor.
Dont ask me, Michael. You know Id probably say a Hunter.
Maybe if youre lucky, hell even customize your new rail with his label maker (note the little blue rectangles on the top tube). In fact Rick even came into the office the other day and presented me with one of my own that simply says-
"S.Kinevil- Former team rider."
When I shoot, I shoot for the stars.
It occurred to me this morning that its almost been a year since I began my epic journey of injury and illness. Ive had torn muscles, hyperextended fingers, cracked ribs, bad hole surgery, followed by a colonoscopy, lost keys (which should be noted had nothing to do with the two previously listed procedures), pinched nerves and a veritable rainbow of other random afflictions.
The bright side though, is that I didnt have a cold through the entire winter. Anyway, that being said, I find myself presently in the throws of the most incredible tendentious I could imagine (though Im still waiting on the results of X-rays, so my diagnosis might be way off) which for the most part is now keeping me off of my cross bikes, and if you know me even a little bit, youre well aware of how much that sucks.
Id like to think that coming upon this anniversary the gods realize that Ive had enough, and that perhaps its time to turn their attention elsewhere.
But then thumbing through The Drunk Cyclist, what should I find but this;
Just so you know, Ive already called the shark attack, and Dan picked all five spider bites, so youll have to choose another way out.
Last but certainly not least, our good friends at Urban Velo have got their new issue put right to bed. Check this link, this link, or this link for the good stuff.
Alrighty then. Another installment of How To Avoid The Bummer Life is in the books. I suspect that when that shark finally sinks its teeth into my flesh, the epitaph on my tombstone might read;
"He was responsible for hundreds of entries, and man, were his index fingers really, really calloused."
"Got this one while training for Beijing on Mt. Tam... Did I say Beijing...I meant Downieville."
Seriously, in recent days the air here has taken a turn for the South. Id actually heard rumors of athletes preparing for the Olympics by cross training behind busses in an attempt to get their bodies accustomed to the poor air. It turns out that they can now just go running on the coast and accomplish the same thing.
I fancy myself as a fairly fit individual, and Im even feeling slight repercussions from just sleeping with the windows open. And dont get me wrong.. I like picking my nose as much as the next person, but the soot thats constantly clogging my sinuses is just getting ridiculous.
As a matter of fact, during the middle of a leisurely ride on Sunday, the sky suddenly became the most brilliant shade of orange Ive ever seen. And it wasnt just a slight orange tint.. It was more along the lines of what the world looks like when you wear orange lenses in your glasses... Like Haloween orange.
Everywhere.
If I was a Native American 200 years ago or so, I would have immediately taken it to mean that one of the gods was fairly pissed about something.
And for that matter.. maybe they are...
However in an attempt at sparing the air, as it were, our friends at Doma Coffee who just keep on sending the goods our way (and who will soon be wheeling around the Doma compound on a small fleet of Swobo bikes, dontchaknow) included a cool bit of info in the latest shipment concerning their new roaster, suavely named 'Lucky 13';
"We are now roasting our coffee using a new eco-friendly coffee roaster. The Kestrel S35 Loring Smart Roast uses 80% less natural gas and greatly reduces the amount of CO2 emissions into the atmosphere."
This will allow them to cut back on their carbon emissions by 39,000 pounds this year... Getting jacked up on caffeine never felt so good.
I know Ive said it before, but their coffee is really, really good stuff, and if youve got a jones for the bean, give em a shot. You shant be sorry.
And for crying out load, they have the same Vonnegut quote on their site that we do.. How could you go wrong?
Anyhow, now well take a trip from the coffee to the crazy in a recent email from Slappy;
"Hay you know what's a bummer, that being a bike dork, as I am, at age 26, most of the bike dorks who actually want to go ride, like more that 4 hrs in the saddle, you know a real nice ride, most of the people who want to do that are YER AGe probably or old or somethin', or they're married or kidded, or they're just not not middle aged and white or on the way. WTF!?!. It took a long time to get young. .whatever, i hte people and i never wanted to Be one.. anyway Here's a flyer you might like, we were supposed to do our STompa Century back in may, from Carbondale up the schweet bike path to asspen and then up to the top of Independence Pass, 6,181' - 12,420' (fifty leisurely miles up, (except for the last 23 or so).
130 ish round trip mileage from the Gear Exchange in Glenwood And so with the full shuttle we're hoping to get some of the less depraved involved and they can ride whatever part they want, like back down. And the excitingest part is we're gonna do it on the fourth of july and get some friendlies to shuttle all our gear up there for cookin' dogs, building a kicker for our snowboards, and probably rollerbladin' just cuz.. SO yeah, if you ever get some 'young' people who want to hang out on their bike all day, tell 'em there's nothin' like 50 mi of up while trying to keep a bunch of 40 yr olds in line, to make you feel, you know, yung. .
seeee ya- slappy"
You had me at "I hate people and I never wanted to be one."
Well obviously the Stomparillaz have a trick and two up their sleeves, so if you find yourself treading around in their neck of the woods, maybe it might not be such a bad idea getting on board from time to time.
I should also mention that while Im not yet in my 40s, having true blue derelicts like Willie, Geno, Elmes, Hurl, JMac, DaveO and the like paving the way before me proves that age truly is nothin' but a number.
And while Im bringing up numbers, our buddy Josh from the Urban Assault Ride got ahold of us on Friday;
"If you ever wanted to know what a 1300 person bicycle scavenger hunt looks like..
That looks like an positively terrible experience. I can finally see why those sour pusses in Denver had such a miserable time.... A crap ton of people on bikes, drinking beer and going bananas. Yech.. Who in their right mind would want to do that?
Heres a bit of news from Colorado way courtesy of The Cat;
"Hi Stevil,
I'm sure your Colorado Correspondents have already served this up, but just in case.
Remember that cycling awareness video of people throwing basketballs and then they ask "Did you see the Bear doing the Moon Walk". Well, seeing the bear is one thing, missing him is another.
That makes Burghardts collision with the dog last year seem like childs play.
Nick sent on another video thats kind of a must see. Be forewarned though.. If you dont care to hear a bunch of drunken rednecks screaming profanities at the top of their Pall Mall addled lungs, then just turn the sound down.
Take note however, you dont want to miss two key sound bites at the very end of the clip.
One has to do with the king of beers, and one has to do with a fourth grade drop out.
Amerikuh. God bless it.
If youve spent any time lurking around here on the Bummer Life, youre probably well aware that I tend to steer clear of the 'extreme' aspect of mountain biking. Its just not my cup of tea.. However, I have to showcase Sam Hills unbelievable run in Trentino Italys World Cup last weekend.
Ive seen many a World Cup downhill in the flesh, and while I cant possibly dismiss the abilities of the participants, Id be lying if I said Ive ever seen anything like this;
And that announcer just takes the cake..
Now then- you all might be familiar with Clifbars 2 Mile Challenge. If not, all of the info is right here.
Weve been lucky enough to get a couple of our bikes on the tour, and our boy Steve sent us some shots of the caravan. I fruitlessly attempted to find out some more info on the bus, as I assume that its been converted to Bio-Diesel or some such hippiness, but my contact was unavailable for comment, so for now, Ill just have to rely on the readership to let me know that its in plain view on their website and once again, my reporting skills will prove themselves to be shite.
Sean sent on a shot from a recent job he did in Sacramento.
See, our friend Sean lays tile for a living and this here project shows up annually as the depicted beasts owner drains it through the winter, gets rad, and then when it gets hot again, calls Sean to fix it up, fills it with water, and then gets a different kind of rad.
Like Sean said, "who knew you could swim in pools too!"
Lordy, lordy.. If only coping could talk....
And while were on the subject of dry, Im afraid Ive now scraped the bottom of the barrel and Im all out of the good stuff. I will leave you with this though.. Its a little known fact that today is National Bail-Out-Of-Work-Early-Day.
You know... as good, God fearing patriots its your duty..
Oh- By the way.. before I get into todays post, I should mention that theres been some high karate computer wizardry going on behind the scenes here the last 48 hours or so. It should come as no surprise to know that I have no idea what the hell is happening, but suffice it to say, its gonna make The Bummer Life an even more dominant force to be reckoned with than it already is. All that Jay the web wiz has told me is that somethings taken place so that if you were to type in 'Danzig bacon' for example, into the Googles, there would be a better chance that HTATBL would come up first in line.
(Thats also to say that if youve posted a comment in the last day or two, and it has yet to show up, it will, eventually.)
After explaining all of this in as elementary a fashion as possible, he patted me on the head and walked away.
This might mean that youre now seeing the new Bummer Life, or you may be seeing the old one.. Not that theyll look any different.. Or I guess that youd even notice... Um...What the hell was I talking about?
Anyway, back to George;
"hey friend,
Many things have transpired in the valley lately, one of them being the "kooks bettys & barneys couples ride" plus stragglers of course.
It all kicks off with 6:30pm Friday trailhead mass beer drinking, followed up with one handed beer climbs, group hugs, killer singletrack and piles of food. last week bro-bra discovered bacon wrapped shrimp rellenos and it was one of those times when everyone at the table has order envy after the last person orders. killer.
Also, Denver has a stellar 4 square scene (as illustrated with the opening pic) that I was previously unaware of, needless to say it kills it. plus birthday boobies for birthday girls and future children. what?
anyhow we're doing deathrides on the regular these days and were blessed with a double rainbow last night.
Ahhh, first I sprang the dollar premes on the humanity, and now the one handed beer climb is spreading with viral like efficiency. Soon the world shall be mine. I should also include the observation that Georges life seems to be radder than just about anybodies.
Alot.
Well, after all of that, it almost seems like a moot point to show some pictures of our ride last evening. I mean, its the equivalent of somebody showing up and saying, "hey guys... Hows it going? Say, did you see my new bike? Yeah, its pretty cool.. A custom ti Serotta with a candy dispenser in the top tube and a little holder on the handle bars for the X-Ray glasses that came with it...."
And then there I am, holding a cylindrical rock with a log through it like they used to ride around in caveman days, saying "yeah,, um... I have a bike too...."
Well, just the same, for the first time in well over a month I was in town as well as not absolutely crushed by work, so 6'7", Woods and myself made our way through the flora and fauna to bask in the smoky haze of the hilltop.
I might not need to mention it, but as far as I can tell, the entire state of California is on fire right now, resulting in an eerie red glow of the sun that was not unlike a scene from a science fiction movie.
But of course this isnt science fiction, but rather a very real reality, complete with all of the 24 ounce trappings, which we put the hurt on with a vengeance.
I should also mention that there was a nice smelling contingent that made the scene, and showed the boys what for, not that that should come as any surprise.
What do you all suppose that Garro has been up to?
Making little children and bearded men happy?
Yeah, pretty much.
How about an email from 'The Cat'?;
"Hey Stevil;
Just a litte gem to remind us all that whether we are in the office, on the trail, or on the track, we need to continually work on building our skills to avoid the bummer life- (in this case maybe its the "bum" life?)
Only 3.5 months 'til 'cross season!
El Gato"
Its really just a little glimpse into what transpires in the Swobo offices on a daily basis.
The Buff got ahold us us with a little bit more on this past weekends Pig farm race;
"Here is a funny photo that if you are not in the know may appear to suggest deviant behavior. This may be a good contest photo for guessing what this guy is telling the crowd to do.
Cheers
Bikebuff"
That put a whole new spin on the phrase 'slap a ham'.
Last weekend our own Sky was back in Milwaukee for an annual bike ride, beer fest thats been happening for almost as long as Ive been alive. Among a few of the shots, she got a rather embarrassing one of my dad, cruising the streets, and spreading the good (albeit totally crazy) word.
I wish hed get a normal hobby...
Well, thats about it from this end of the branch. It hard to believe that June is almost over. If I still had summer vacations, Id be getting little twinges of panic about now.
At least once this weekend, throw the horns to the sky, and howl like there was no tomorrow.
Amen.
Well this exact spot is where our friend Retodded found himself on the business end of a drunk drivers negligence early Sunday evening. As Retodded tells it, he looked over his shoulder twice before changing lanes noting a car about 40 yards behind him, and as he was at the mouth of the left hand turn lane, he heard the brakes lock up behind him, checking over his shoulder one last time before the car obliterated his bike from beneath him, throwing him up onto the hood, his helmeted head shattering the windshield, and then when the car finally came to a stop, he was pitched forward and actually upside down, landing on his head again, and then ultimately ended the performance with a right hand slide across the blacktop into home plate.
All of that and he only emerged with some sweet road rash, and a trip to the hospital where he said all of the nurses were really pretty.
The cops came to see him and confirmed that the driver was in fact well beyond the legal limit, and was tucked away in a jail cell.
I dont really know what to say except that Im glad that our hero is well. In fact hes better than well, because as I type, hes in Colorado riding mountain bikes, but Id also like to say that I suspect the driver will get off alot easier than an individual who was say, drunk, playing with a pistol in public, and accidentally shooting someone in the foot, which for all intent and purposes in my mind is about the same thing.
I hope the guy rots.
We have yet another story of skin loss sent in by Will, although fortunately it was by his own doing and not a douchebag lost in a bottle while piloting a coffin;
"Hey Stevil,
Sorry I missed you while you were in Denver, I had to spend some time at the urgent care earlier that evening, then I was relaxing on drugs and eating a pizza. Here's what happened, maybe you can feature it in your famous blog (I'm a big fan):
I don't want you to think I ask for favors with an empty hand, so I offer this to you to use as you see fit:
I was at a wedding in SF a week back, and they had a brunch the next day with the loveliest pile of bacon I've ever seen, it was at least six inches high. Delicious.
Once I heal, I will continue avoiding bummerdom.
--
Will"
Its good to know that Will is in good shape as well, despite his run in with gravity. And that picture that he sent of the pile o' pork reminds me of a time when I was just a wee lad that my folks took me to brunch at The Marriott in Downtown Denver. I dont think at that point in my life Id ever been to a buffet before.. At least not one as immense, so I had to plan my strategy wisely.... Id start on one side of the room and I would eat one of everything that there was to offer. I had Belgian waffles, and regular waffles. I ate every kind of pork product imaginable and partook of eggs prepared at least five different ways. I ate rolls, and danishes, and fruit, and then finally, I attacked the soft serve machine.
I remember it as if it were yesterday, a solitary bite of ice cream that I was chasing around the bottom of the bowl, so full I wanted to die, but completely unwilling to let it go to waste. I removed my little clip on tie, and unhitched my belt, hoping that it would bring some relief, but none was to be found.
Finally, my dad told me it was time to go. We got into the car and I made it about two miles, before we had to pull over so that I could get out and walk, our car slowly cruising along beside me, as if I were a boxer, and my dad the trainer, offering words of encouragement as I trudged along in an attempt at initiating some rapid digestion.
Surprisingly, to this day Ive yet to find a buffet that presents a challenge to me. Its true what they say.. If you get bucked off a horse, its best to get right back on, and as far as partaking in obscene amounts of food goes, Im living proof of that old adage.
John Patrick witnessed a sight that might ultimately lead some poor sap to the same fate;
"I saw this sign proclaiming EVERY MONDAY ALL U CAN EAT BACON! on my way to New Belgium's Tour de Fat in Chicago this Saturday.
It looks like a few folks out there are helping to ease the pain of Mondays. I attached another couple photos from the Tour de Fat as well -
the main stage and a few rides from the Rat Patrol, including a grill bike and a puppet show bike."
I suspect the fellow in the third photo hiding back there in the plaid shirt might be no stranger to the bacon party..
Now listen, as much as I want to veer away from the traditional subject matter here on The Bummer Life, I cant very well do it if folks continue to send in the goods. Its like a junkie running away from the fix. The dealers are always gonna know where to find them.
Case in point, the email I received from Craig concerning this past weekends Granja Del Cerdo race in Montana;
"hey stevil
just a follow up on this past weekends mtb race. good vid cap of dog eating.
folks were porked by having to eat a dog on the first lap...
and of course a couple of the pro/expert dudes were the biggest wieners by protesting the dog eating (Pusses). i guess they felt this was the Honkeyfish world cup race.
great time had by all especially the kids hitting the pig pinata..
keep up the good work
cheers,
craig"
Now dont get me wrong- while I loathe the very idea of some fancy pants pro contesting a very simple rule of the race, (that is unless they are vegetarians of course) Id like to limit the use of the term 'puss' in reference to someone who is a gutless prima-donna, due to my affinity for that particular region of the anatomy. If anything, I feel as though that term should generally be used as high praise... But that might just be me.
Maggie found a shot on the Denver Post website that she forwarded on to us of a very distinguished Bobke wearing what some might refer to as the very height of fashion;
As I wrote to her, its good to see that Bobs head hasnt gotten too big for our headwear to accommodate.
And just so you know, if our old friend Bob reads this drivel that I post here on the Bummer Life, I most assuredly just signed myself up for an Indian burn-noogie combo the next time we cross paths.
-A funny story about Bob.. Many years ago, Robert Ives, The Berg and I piloted the Ventana van, or 'Old Blue' as it was referred to out to Las Vegas for the first Interbike dirt demo, when it was held at the original venue in Blue Diamond. Well, as tough as Old Blue was, it didnt have much going for it in the way of air conditioning and the three of us sweated it out, all thirteen hours through the desert when we finally arrived at the location of the demo. It was late, so we pulled out our sleeping pads, and made beds for ourselves on the trailer. We suddenly were overcome by mosquitoes, and with nothing but our own incredible body oder to defend ourselves, we were a bit outmatched by our parasitic adversaries. In a burst of ingenuity, Robert suggested that we slather ourselves with beer, as well as the contents of a little vile of sickeningly strong cologne that was found in a dark corner of the van.
Even though we could barely stand our own scent, it did the trick, and the bugs stayed away.
The following day we had to venture over to the convention hall and begin to set up the booth. If it was 120 outside, it had to be 130 inside and the cloud of toxic fumes hung over us like thunderheads packed to the gills with acid rain. It was then that Bob came by to say hello, stopping short and wrenching his face into one of disgust and horror. Rhetorically I asked "are you looking for trouble?" to which Bob replied, "if I was, Id say I probably came to the right place."
Roberts face lit up with pride, as he hunched over with both fists clinched and excitedly exclaimed in a forced whisper "Yeah! Bob Roll knows were trouble!"
To this day, Robert still counts this as one of his greatest accomplishments in cycling.
And seeing as I dont really have any notable accomplishments in cycling, for my part, Id be inclined to agree.
Well, that and the fact that I get periodic emails from The Snob;
"Came across this place in Ft. Greene, Brooklyn on Sunday. You'll be glad to know if you ever find yourself in that part of town you'll have a place to launder your leather underpants.
--BSNYC"
Its good to know that I have folks looking out for me, because as I previously mentioned, Ill be in New York in October, and to date, Ill be damned if I have been able to find anywhere on the Eastern Seaboard to wash my leather anythings...
Of course no sooner do I mention unmentionables, do I get an email from G concerning a bunch of folks whove apparently done away with theirs altogether;
"Stevil,
Last Weekend was Fremont Summer Solstice Parade here in Seattle. This pagan event is kicked off each year when brave, likely drunk, young cyclists strip down, paint up, and ride out. This event spawned my first Friday Hero nominee;
Im back from the mile high city, and things there are, just as I expected, awesome.
Seeing as I grew up in this region, Ive long felt a strong connection to the Front Range and this trip was no different. I love the houses, I love the faces, I love the mountains and I love the trees. I loathed the very idea of having to spend even one more second in Colorado when I originally left, but for years every time I returned, I saw moving back as a greater and greater reality.
Anyway, with all of that being said, the trip was great, and the show... Oh my god, the show was absolutely incredible.
I was sure it was just going to be some old guys attempting to futilely reignite the dream, and that Id probably be left disappointed, but for all of the times Id witnessed these guys play together, this was the tightest, and most inspired set Ive ever seen.
If you were lucky enough to have been there, then you know. If not, theyll be playing again at the Sub Pop 20th anniversary party in Seattle, so there will be your final chance, and I whole heartedly recommend, if you can, you go.
It looked a little something like this;
And yeah, I know this is a different version of the same song I posted a clip of before.. Rest assured, they have more then one song, and if you dig it, Im sure there will be more clips from the show in coming days.
I also have to give a big thanks to Zoe for the use of her photos. It would appear as though she was standing directly on top of my feet taking the pictures, as the view was exactly the same... The only difference being that her pictures are good, and mine sucked. If youd like to see the entire set, check her out here.
But of course rocking out with my socks up wasnt the only thing I did while I was home. I also rode bikes with Wakeman and 685, who actually hadnt laid eyes on one another for 10 years, and ironically were running this whole identical twin thing....
Even weirder however was later in the night in a drunken stupor when I pulled out my pocket knife and cut 685, only to have Wakeman bleed...
Anyhow, as previously mentioned, there was some bike riding as well, during which time we stopped by a sandwich shop and bought a footlong hoagie to put into Wakes obscenely long saddle bag just because we could, but dont mention anything to him about it, because its a bit of a touchy subject.
Eventually the weekend found me with Elmes in Boulder, where we stopped by the world famous Vecchio's Bicicletteria to soak up the ambiance,
grab Potter for lunch, and then have him teach us the fine art of one handed air drumming.
Elmes was still a little blown out from a run in with some martinis the night before, and I was overdue for my mid-day nap, so we eventually parted ways and I headed back to Denver to begin preparations to wrap up my time in Colorado, which as always, left me feeling like I needed a little bit more.
So this concludes my 'what I did on my summer vacation' report, but I have a sneaking suspicion that before I know it, Im gonna be back to complete the damage that I started...
If you feel like you just didnt live vicariously enough through my description of the good times, then maybe youd like to get a little more of your fill over at Sorry I Missed Your Party.
JRW, the lucky 'winner' of my moustache sent in a shot he found at the grocery store this weekend...
...Thats a party Im not really sorry to have missed... Yellowish kids with generic popsicles? No thanks.. Im an Otterpop man.
Nothing but the finest for me.
"Gentlemen/Ladies
Dan Hale (Shifter Bikes) writes for your site occasionally and I know he’s a big fan so would enjoy seeing himself up in lights ;)
We did a shoot together.
I think you might like it.
ride safe
andy"
Its been said that Im like the American version of Dan, but not as good looking... Come to think of it, I believe it was Dan who actually said that.
He gets no argument from me...
And speaking of good looking men, we got an email from Matt;
"Hey Stevil,
After I closed up the shop I headed down to the best bar in town and made some art and modeled some cycling apparel. You can get all the dirty details here:
Word.
Matt
FYI: I'm a pretty solid Large in Pearl stuff, an XL in Giordana (cause I'm tall)...that suit is a Medium Castelli. You do the math."
Thats a whole lot of man, and a little bit of lycra.
A hell of a way to kick off the week if you ask me, which if you did, you probably never will again.
By the way, did I tell you guys I totally got in that chick Meagan at OneonOnes pants on my trip to Minneapolis?
And lastly, in regards to the 'what-are-those-guys-watching-and-why-are-they-dressed-like-that' query last week, they were in fact watching Beavis and Butthead on a generator powered television at Sea Otter during 1996s Lolapajama celebration. Why pajamas, you might ask?
Cause theyre really comfy, would probably be the short answer.
Alright.. Thats it. I hope that you all followed my lead and kicked the living crap out of the bummer life this weekend. Now that its Monday, we have five days to build up our munitions so that we can do it all over again for the next one.
At long last the end of the week is once again upon us.
We have a whole new shibang brewing here at Swobo, ala Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Thats not to say that this proverbial golden ticket will net you access to life long candy treats, but as I previously mentioned, we got a humongo pile of bikes in on Tuesday. El Corpo told me to draw something on one of the boxes, and whoever randomly ended up with this bike in particular should email me, (as per the instructions on the box) to receive their choice of an organic cotton Swobo t-shirt.
Never has getting a free t-shirt been so easy.
I dont know where it ended up going, as we blew 100 bikes out the door that day like so many leaves in the wind. It could have gone to a shop, or it could have gone to an individual consumer. It could have stayed on the West Coast, or as I type, it could be enroute to the East...
Ill let you know how this pans out.
Speaking of random graces falling in your lap, we got a pallet of the good stuff from our friends at Planet Bike Monday, and included in the shipment was a little something for yours truly;
As I placed it on my desk, along side of all of my other worldly possessions, The Skipper immediately referred to it as our 'oracle', to which I enthusiastically agreed. For better or for worse, from time to time when an individual might call and say, "Stevil, were having a big alleycat race this weekend. Can you guys flow us some prizes?"
I will confer with said oracle as to what prizes you might should get.
"Ohhhh, a dozen bananas and a tupperware bowl of chili?-
Well thats what the oracle said, and so it shall be done."
I maybe should apologize in advance, but you know, its out of my hands...
Now that I think about it, even in its infancy, this week has yielded all kinds of pleasant surprises. Take the name on this sales order for example;
How cool is that? Danziger?! Hell, Glenn Danzigs last name isnt even really Danzig. This guy should win something.. Like best name ever/Friday name hero, or something...
Unfortunately our one free t-shirt is tied up in other competitions , so well have to come up with another option.
Obviously based on this flyer sent to us by Craig, our Montana connection, there will be no shortage of prizes at this weekends Granja Del Cerdo mountain bike race in Whitefish.
In regards to their 'porker'class; Ive been thinking about the clydesdale class alot lately, mainly because I now finally qualify. (In fact I now well over qualify for their 180 pound minimum.)
Years ago my friend TTG raced the clydesdale class, much to the dismay of his competitors due to his incredible fastness. Of course there was protest to his winning, during which time he exclaimed to the race official "Its not my fault I can pack 201 pounds on to this Adonis-like physique!"
The officials couldnt really argue with his logic, and the clydesdale win went home with him.
Sandbagger? No.. I think not.. More like 'donut bagger'.
I know I already mentioned the Urban Assault Ride in Austin this weekend, but seeing as the folks behind it are such good people, and weve flowed them a rather gigantic amount of product, Im gonna mention it again.
Josh, the man behind the madness has sent us some pictures from some of the other events, and Id be lying if I said it didnt look like a huge amount of fun. Even if you dont want to ride in it, you should at least swing by and soak up some of the culture (i.e. beer) and work on your tan.
Theres another blow out in Santa Cruz town that weve thrown some goods at as well.
It promises to be a humdinger, and really, who dont like humdingers?
Oh good lord, heres another one. I really have to go through my inbox more often...
Case in point- These two from Dan;
I mean I literally have dozens of emails containing little gems such as these, and I always think to myself, "I could probably do something with that someday", and there it sits, waiting for that someday until it gets buried by tons of other emails containing similar strokes of genius.
If my emails inbox was a house, it would be one of those that you see occasionally on the news that are filled with pizza boxes and ferrel cats that ultimately are condemned by the state as being unlivable.
That my friends is my technological reality.
Anyhow, lets talk about irony for a second, shall we?
Matt from Ghostship Clothing sent a lovely example;
"Stevil,
Thought you'd enjoy this photo. My friend Josie (Josalee Thrift(dot)com) is a photographer for one of the papers here in CT. The irony is amazing. Enjoy!"
Awesome... Its shots like that that get me through my worst days.
And on the chance that my day is beyond help from that, its the promise of seeing this movie that gets me through the others.
Im now gonna leave you with a clip Ashley sent to me a week or so ago.
Its always a good time when you get punched in slow motion... Really, its not alot unlike any trip Ive ever taken to Minneapolis...
Alright, Im off to Denver to work out the lungs and see if I cant put some of those skanking lessons that Roger imparted upon me a couple of weeks ago to good use.
If I see you there, beware. If not, then well cross paths on Al Gores web soon.
As always, heres a pinch of over and theres a dash of out.
Kick out the jams and stuff.
Well, I did it. Even as my finances disintegrate before my very eyes, I threw caution to the wind and bought a plane ticket to Denver to catch The Fluid play for the first time (well, the second time including the 'secret' show last Sunday) in fifteen years.
If this band hadnt been one of my favorite, and most often seen bands of all time, I might have overlooked this reunion, but seeing as Ive traveled farther (further?), more times to see them than any other, it was only right.
As a matter of fact, many years ago I rode my bike from the pad I shared with Winky, Rompompolivich, Scruffy, Pete, 685 and sometimes Roadie off of Broadway in Denver, through one of the worst electrical storms Id ever experienced to catch a show in some little subterranean venue on 'The Hill' in Boulder.
Know this- I wouldnt do that for anybody, nor would I drop the bottom out of my meager savings to fly a thousand miles for the weekend.
Rest assured, Ill have a complete rundown of the mayhem on my return, and with any luck, a black eye to boot.
Here Keith Morris breaks it down as succinctly as any freak could;
For what its worth, the first time I saw The Fluid was in the mid eighties some time, opening for The Meat Puppets and Angst. Like Keith, I stood there, mouth agape, absolutely dumb founded amidst a chaotic swirl of bodies, hair and fists, and I thought to myself, "this is what live rock and roll is supposed to be about."
Well that and the fact that I couldnt believe how long and silky the singers hair was, but that as they say is another story.
Anyhow, Keiths description is right on the money. If you know right from wrong, and up from down, youll be there as well, and with any luck on my part, youll be putting beers in my hand, cause I sure wont be able to afford to.
You know what else is new?
Joes book...
If youve ever wondered what its like to be a struggling American professional bike racer in Belgium, and lets face it, at one time or another, who here hasnt, then youll be interested in this slice of literary badassness thats about to drop.
-From the books summery;
"When a normal situation sudenly changes, the Belgians call it "een hond met een hoed op," a dog with a hat on. Joe Parkin, an American bike racer who left the familiar comforts of home to compete at the highest professional level in Belgium, was that dog in a hat- something familiar, yet decidedly out of place.
In his searing, no-holds barred memoir, Parkin describes the true life of the professional bike racer. His plainspoken prose puts us in the whirlwind of this hardest of athletic educations, starting with the first visit to his team doctor, where he is strapped to a metal table and monitored by humming electrodes as men in white lab coats divine his future as a pro."
Well, obviously given the fact that hes hanging out with me, his future as a professional bike racer was none too bright, but youll still want to pick up a copy from Velopress upon its release later this summer. Ive read the first five chapters in a pre release, and Id be lying if I said it want a page turner thats been hard for me to put down, and reading books is an activity that Ive had a life long struggle to maintain an attention span for, so the fact that the books truly captivating me is really saying something.
And please, for my sake buy a copy, because frankly, Im tired of footing the bill for the guy all of the time.
"Stevil, I want a hotdog, Stevil, I want to ride the rollercoaster, Stevil, I need some pants..."
By helping him, youll be helping me, and when the sun goes down, arent my best interests really whats the most important thing for everybody?
While were on the topic of helping, why not, you know- if you come across this guy, throw some help his way..
Thats an uphill battle right there, my friends.
Well, our big fourty-whatever foot container of bikes didnt show up on Monday as wed hoped. It turns out that it was scheduled, unbeknownst to us, for Tuesday. Waiting for those things is like waiting for the storm to hit. Its just business as usual, and then BAM!
Everything gets kicked into overdrive and what is usually a fairly chaotic scene around the warehouse turns into one of absolute panic. Luckily, we are able to occasionally procure help from our neighbors, and without their help, The Skipper and I would most certainly steer the S.S. Swobo straight into the rocks.
On the bright side however, I finally got the missing pieces together for my Circle A, and tendentious be damned, I took her out for her maiden voyage.
Every bump feels like my wrists are about to explode, and despite the advise Ive received about staying off of the rigid bikes until I get better, I couldnt in clear conscious allow the new baby sit un-abused any longer.
Anyway, thats why God made Advil, right?
I swear, getting old is a real bitch.
Hey, we havent had a contest in a little while.
Well, with the exception of the one for my moustache, but the individual who "won" hasnt stepped up to get the prize yet, so maybe that ones not even gonna count.
The query is this;
What are these fellows watching, and whats the significance of their garb of choice?
Ill even give you a hint. This shot has something to do with it.
Of course if I know that you know, i.e., if you were there, you dont qualify. If you can channel the answer, and you dazzle me with your knowledge of eclectic single speed trivia, then you get yourself one of our organic cotton t-shirts.
Alright, thats about it from this end. I will take a moment to remind folks that the good people behind the Urban Assault Ride have got things cooking, literally, in Austin this weekend, and if youre not gonna be at the Fluid show, then by all means, you should be there.
Its Wednesday, and I dont know about y'all, but I feel like making some havok..
No matter how much hoping and praying I do on Sunday, Monday always seems to roll around anyway.
Regardless of how I position my saber, powdered wig, and trusty steed...
But you know, without Mondays, we couldnt have the midweek, and without that, there would be no end of the week, so at least its got that going for it.
On Friday, The Skipper and I were having a conversation with a friend of ours, at which point the friend blurted "Im not entirely sure, but I cant shake the feeling that Im about to be fired."
Concerned, The Skipper asked, "If that is in fact the case, do you have a plan B?"
Our friend sat and thought a second..
"A plan B?... Yeah, I think Ive got a plan B.
And Evan, who originally sent that clip in wrote "I cant tell if he has a moustache."
I think its safe to assume that he probably does.
And while were discussing folks with no jobs and free time, our friends to the North just clued us in on what the John DeLorean of bike racings gonna be up to at the end of the month.
Then Byron emailed us to give us the skinny on his adventures down the Hillbilly highway;
"Listen up Buck Fifty,
You only find moments like this in the heart of hillbilly Missouri.
When two mountain bikers find themselves midweek alone on the famed Berryman trail staring at painted turtles doing the nasty... hilarity ensues.
The Berryman is an epic 24-mile loop that is the best trail between the Applications and the Rockies.
It is the plushest ride you can find in the Mark Twain National Forest and one reason why cycling in Missouri is strong among the locals -- even if they are Hillbilly.
I mean you have been to a drive-thru liquor store window three times this week already right?
Next time you make a run I need a family pack of Skoal and a bottle of Boone's (strawberry flavor yo).
The one pictured above is in Potosi, MO.
There was alot of stuff packed into that single email. There was extreme mountain biking action, hot turtle on turtle action, hillbilly with dolphin shorts action...
With the exception of the fact I wasnt sweating the entire time, it was like I lived it...
Lets talk about gender issues for a second..In regards to the sexes, as evenly balanced as I try to keep things here on the Bummer Life, it sometimes becomes very undoubtedly biased. I mean, after all, Im a male-person, and as such, I dont have a clear view of the world through a female-persons eyes.
Ive made a plea to some very capable female-people to contribute, but as of yet, that hasnt happened.
Well, short of that, and with all of this being said, I got a nice email from Dawn last week in which she turned me on to her blog where she reviewed some of our womans shorts. If you are a woman, and youd like to know what a womans perspective is on one of our 'specifically for her' products as well as a myriad of other companys who make womens clothing, please visit her blog.
Even if she hadnt liked the shorts, I would have directed you there anyhow, because it seems as though shes got a pretty complete critique of a wide range of womans clothing, and maybe its my lack of attention to the matter, but it seems to me that thats a fairly difficult resource to come by.
So there you go. Everybody, meet Dawn. Dawn, this is everybody.
And as long as were making new friends here, everybody, this is CD.
To paraphrase Public Enemy "Elvis was a hero to most, but he didnt mean sh*t to CD."
This weekend found some hot temperatures, and good friends as we explored to the distant horizons, but before we did anything, I shipped my bike to OneonOne to see if they could fix it for me;
Ill let you know how that works out for me.
Anyhow, we had beer drinking,
and bike riding,
and sun burning,
and Dan, who at one point when the full-sus riders in our group said "Feh..." to a particularly rooty and technical section of trail, grabbed the bull by the horns and rode the entire thing on his road bike.
And that my friends, is why we call that kid a cracker jack.
With that, Im off to unload a 40 foot container of bikes thats arriving to the warehouse today.
And here I was thinking a cushy computer job would remove me from physical labor forever.
A fool and his reality are soon parted.
Lastly, as a favor to the good people in my home away from home, anyone in the Twin Cities should keep an eye peeled for some hot whips.
This just in from The Bike Satan;
"Girl Carl's bike was jacked tonight between 5-7pm from her 3rd floor balcony in Nordeast. Keep an eye out. Some distinguishing marks: White WTB Deva saddle, Nitto bars. Pedals look like horseshoes and are made by MKS. While you're at it, also be on the lookout for a black Surly Cross-Check, liberated from John "The Heathen" Schreiner, of Stroker Ace Screenprinting. Bike in question is a 54cm, has metallic blue Fizik bar tape, and a dent in the top tube. Keep an eye on your rides, people. And remember: They still hang bike thieves in Wyoming.... "
That blows. Ill keep a candle lit, untill the babies get home again.
On that note, I hope that my alternate prayers have been answered and that everyone had a great weekend and your Mondays are all turning out to be good ones as well.
Look, I know I said that I was going to treat Thursday like a Friday, which would have made the tips of my index fingers very happy, but Ive just got way too much stuff in my inbox.
So sit back, open up, and lets see what the rest of the folks are up to?
And then youre sitting there saying, "but what does Burt Reynolds have to do with anything?" and to that I offer this;
Burt Reynolds has to do with everything.
You know, theres this thing called The Hell Ride that Santa Cruz Mountain Bikes does, where they round up a bunch of very fit folks, drop them in a small mountain town with a couple other possibly slightly more fit folks, and let em ride their damn brains out in hopes of getting something shiny and new.
Well, this dame here gets my vote.
Ill give you one guess as to why.
And its not cause shes tougher than I am.
Might I suggest you throw in your two cents as well.
But like I always say, I dont really care who you vote for, just as long as you vote.
Josh in Atlanta wrote in;
Stevil,
Just wanted to send you this image of a little prank we played on our buddy.
I find it completely hilarious and disgusting. (Its not real hair but oh did he think it was.)
Just another day avoiding the bummer life.
-Josh in Atlanta"
Id probably think that was funny if that wasnt exactly how my soap always looked.
I cry the tears of a hirsute clown.
And speaking of which, I know you all are dying to know who won my moustache. Well, firstly, Id be fibbing if I said I wasnt a little surprised that the virtual walls werent torn down by a stampede of ladies trying to get their hands on it.
There wasnt even a tiny flutter, or even a single email.
So much for thinking I know what girls like.
Anyhow, there were some truly inspired pitches for the hair, but as with every race, there can only be one winner, and our "winner" is Mr. Waggle, John Ryan;
"so heres my submission for your mustache hair. First I do have a genuine need for it as I could unlaminate it and use it to cover up my bald spot on the scar that i received from the bouncers exactly two weeks ago. Secondly, one of the guys who threw me into that sign had the last name of none other than Bacon. No lies. I'll scan the police report for you if you don't believe me. Also, did you know exactly two years ago on this date it was 6/6/06. You know I actually thought about the coincidence when it all happened but I was to busy getting rad on my skateboard in LA for the first time in my life and had no one to share it with. That was a pretty special occurrence and the only time it would ever happen. Most importantly I would rather see the picture of you bald upper lip because I don't believe you. I'm still thinking you shaved your balls and are giving your ball hair away as one big joke.
John"
And as far as a shot of my hair free upper lip goes, some might say "your wish is my command" but in this respect we might have to respond with "you asked for it".
Of course at this point, I wasnt freshly shaven as Id already been on the road for some time, so youll just have to take my word for it. Well, that and the fact that the other hair you mentioned has a committed relationship with the bar of soap in the corner of the shower.
Lets take this out of the gutter and back to the inbox, shall we?
"hey stevil---i caught this shot the other day while searching for a watering hole mid-way through a five hour gravel ride. at first i thought "gee, what a weird looking door" that's when i saw it.
also, do you still happen to have a freebie to sswc? i talked to my bro james and he is considering making the trip, but thought i'd see if you decided to give it a go before he made any plans. hope the mpls trip was eventful."
There are some cats from L.A. that go by the name Who Rides The Tiger and their new album "Transylvania Baby" is quickly becoming one of my favorite new slabs. Ive exchanged some emails with them, and they seem to be pretty solid folks to boot. If you have a soft spot of big, ugly guitar driven bliss, pick yourself up a copy.
I should also mention that while wearing my Who Rides The Tiger shirt through O'Hare International airport Tuesday, the faces of everyone who took note of the graphic emblazoned across the front immediately dropped into one of intrigued sadness.
Classic.
We got an email from Josh, whos putting on a gig in our own backyard;
"Hey there Stevil-
the Santa Cruz Wildcat bicycle race and ride is coming up this Saturday.
Race Starts at noon, registration at 11am, Saturday. Meet at the Bicycle Church in Downtwn Santa Cruz.
I rode the course the other day and was very pleased, and the food and drink will again be excellent and abundant.
I will be giving away a frameset again. If you and the fine friendly folks at swobo have any desire to donate any prizes, your wooly offerings will be warmly welcomed and thanked.
In other News, I just returned from a fine bike ride (2 weeks or so) and posted some fun photos here..
Thanks and take care
josh"
Josh came by on an amazing new cargo bike creation of his, and I loaded him up with some Swobo love, so if you care for a good time, get on it.
I havent spent much time trolling Craigslist as of late, but luckily we have foot soldiers like Matt whove picked out a couple of classics for us;
"Hey folks,
Found a sweet fixed gear bike on craigslist. Seeing as how I've almost reached critical mass in my small apt (I might have room for a Vanilla Speedvagen just in time for cross season....hmmmmm), I can't swoop it up so I figured I'd pass on the hotness to you guys.
Craigslist always knows the fastest track to my heart.
Chris gave us an update on their recent event that went down in Bellingham;
"Howdy Stevil,
I think we did the spirit of Donny proud this weekend and I thought I would share a few post 'cat thoughts and photos with you. Seeing as how Donny loved bowling, we had an assorted variety of bowling stops for the event including bowling bowling, lawn bowling (bocce ball), alley wheel bowling, and bike bowling.
The bike bowling (which at time more resembled body bowling) culminated the obb-stackle course set up to ultimately determine the male and female winners and proved to be the most entertaining part of the race.
I have to give you credit for providing the inspiration for this one with your "one handed hill climb while eating a hot dog" race. I guess you could call our version the "one handed obb-stackle course while drinking a caucasian" race. And it provided plenty of spills and thrills.
More words, photos, and video footage can be found on zee blog.
Good times, Good times. And thanks again for the shwag."
You all are very welcome, and we were happy to have been able to help out. Also, Im glad to have been able to have given you all some ideas for the race. Sadly were presently in the midst of our second wild fire in as many weeks, and the spot where we usually meet for the tom foolery is presently pretty close to the burn zone, so upcoming feats of strength might include the "not getting burned alive game" and later, the ever popular "not getting attacked by a displaced mountain lion challenge".
You might have noticed that Ive not had any Wednesday night ride reports for a few weeks. This has been due to the fact that Ive been absolutely buried under work, and/or have felt fairly anti-social as of late, but as Devon pointed out the other night, it might soon be time that I spread my wings like the big, beautiful butter fly that I am, and stop being such a baby.
Note taken, Devon. Note taken.
JMac wrote in with an email that simply stated "The Japanese are genius."
Im sure you all are familiar with the television show "Most Extreme Elimination Challenge".
I recently saw that theres an American version coming out soon where the contestants get even more humiliated and battered, and if you know me even a little bit, then you know that this is something that makes me absolutely pee my pants with glee..
