Robert Ives is fond of talking about 'new bike wood', implying of course that when one gets a new bike a certain arousal occurs. The wonderful thing about new bike wood is that its not gender specific as I know many women who experience new bike wood as well. And beyond that, you can even share someone elses. As of right now, I have plenty to go around.
Now then- last night, for no particular reason, The Skipper, Young Hightower and I all proceeded to tie one on.
Maybe it was because it was Monday,..maybe it was because we made it through another day, or maybe it was because the end of the month is a soul crushing time around these parts and we were just glad to have accomplished such a great job.
You know, perhaps it was a little bit of all of these things, cause when I woke up on Tuesday morning asking the girl why my pants were in the laundry hamper, in the living room with my belt, wallet, and keys all still attached, she answered flatly, "because last night you smelled like poo... or feet.."
Shes a lucky lady, that one is.
As I just mentioned on The Guy Wire®, Ive been listening to The Melvins 'The Crybaby' CD again recently. Its a pretty brilliant concept album on which The Melvins play the music of other artists, with specific guests on vocals. For example, they do The Jesus Lizards 'Blockbuster' with David Yow on Vocals, or Hank 1s 'Ramblin Man' and 'Okie From Muskogee' with Hank 3 doing vocals. Well I think the most brilliant cut is their cover of 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' with Leif Garrett on vocals.
Leifs not looking so good these days though.
Kids, remember... drugs are bad, mmkay?
At some point on Tuesday, The Skipper asked me if Id heard about the craziness going on over in Austria with the freakshow that kept his daughter and the children theyd had together locked in his basement, which I had not. He immediately brought it up on the computer, and as I was reading about the horror he muttered in my ear, "thats what happens to you if you wear a moustache for too long."
Its guys like that that give the moustache a bad rap, and Im now counting the days until I can remove mine and deposit it in the trash.
Or include it in someones order.
However, then I get an email from Steve that begins to make all things upper lip related alright again;
"I submit to you, this dashing young man avoiding the bummer life during this weekend's running of TransIowa v4. Note the well groomed 'stache along with his obvious good taste in clothing. This was at mile 102 of 340. His spirit and will were crushed somewhere between here and mile 200, however, I'm sure he enjoyed himself.
Just when I though all was lost.. Man, Im glad that feeling passed.
Matt, who is the captain of The Ghostship wrote to us and gave us the skinny on the recent Hustle and Flow competition, and seeing as hes got the full rundown on his site, and Im really tired of being in front of a computer, Im just going to redirect you over there to get the lowdown. While youre on his site, why dont you do yourself a favor and pick yourself up a little something?
Wakeman, along with about a thousand other people have emailed us about The Fluids reunion shows that are coming up. Its good to know folks have my back, and believe me, if theres one person on this planet who should be in attendance, its me. I toyed with the idea of picking up a ticket to Denver for the (soul) purpose of getting my rock on, but as I was perusing the web for flights, I got a call from the shop that built the transmission for my truck letting me know that it was ready. Two thousand dollars later (which ironically is what I paid the aforementioned Robert Ives for the truck nine years ago) my wallet is understandably lighter, and a ticket to Denver wafted away from me like so much smoke on the water.
So, that being said, if youre anywhere near Denver and youve got a thing for the rock and/or roll, you MUST go to see this show.
Early Saturday morning I found an email from Chris at Circle A Cycles in my inbox. It was like Christmas, but since I dont particularly care for Christmas, it actually was quite a bit better.
Go ahead.. drink it all in. I dare you.
Would you believe all he wanted in return was a wool jersey?
No- I kid... Ill be missing meals for months to pay this thing off, but the distended stomach is a look thats all the rage in Milan and Paris right now, so Im good.
Did everybody have a good weekend? I did. An old school, chum of Complaynas rolled though town by the name of Kimberly. Blacksocks and myself hooked up with them and we went on a bike ride.
Despite the fact that the night before Kimberly was, as my parents say, 'over served' she held it down, one gear and all. A true one speeder, through and through.
I also got involved in cutting out a few little tables with candles and other what nots on them.
My therapists all agree that its good for me.
Except for that one guy, and all of the rest think hes a quack, so who am I to argue?
Aside from that, I spent a bit of time preparing for the arrival of my new brown and blue baby. You know that bumper sticker that states 'everyone should have one house before anyone has two'?
I need to get one that says 'everyone should have one pair of Caramba Double Barrel cranks before anyone has two.
Im a whore for those things.
As per our discussion about riding down Mount Tam on crazy contraptions, Intern A sent this website on. I guess it really should come as no surprise that it resides in Minneapolis.
They love their bikes there, and they love their hootch, so really why not combine the two? Its forward thinking like that that makes the world go 'round.
CFO wrote in to let us know the apple really doesnt fall very far from the tree;
"My nephew got booted from pre-school because:
In music class he:
1) Punched Raheem
2) Bit Michael Reed
3) Punched Michael Reed
4) Turned class into what my bro described as a "prison riot"...
He lays down huge skids on his SE though so he should be fine.
CFO"
At one point in art class when I was just a wee lad, I took a swing at this kid named Jason with a pencil sharpener canister thing, which resulted in him getting his lights turned off and the teacher dragging both of us out of the room by the shoe laces amid a full blown class wide melt down, and look at how I turned out..
Im sure your nephew will have a very bright future ahead of him.
He also sent this on;
"When I die...Which by recent indications should be very soon, I want you to keep the attached picture of me beating Taylor Phinney's ass in a vault, lock box or false bottomed Budweiser...Thanks
CFO"
I replied with the observation that when Im getting lapped, I always like to think of it like for that brief moment, I too am in the lead.
I dont think he cared for that too much.
Last weeks hotdog hill climb winner Oz forwarded this next bit on to me, which we think youll find if pretty funny. Go here and then click on the North bound arrow once to see a classic example of 'just riding along' syndrome.
Those sidewalks will jump out and get you any chance they get.
Richie Redhot of 'MASH SF' fame wrote in to let us know that hes not just another pretty face...
God.. At least I hope hes more than a pretty face.. That mugs enough to make a freight train take a dirt road..
Anyhoo, Richie writes;
"hey stevil,
i just got my website up and wanted to let you know about it. it showcases some of my past builds and i am selling mash dvd's and raffle tickets for one of my frames. check it out.
i was rocking my swobo t-shirt and socks in l.a. this past weekend for the velocity block party, i hope you get some grity urban rider press from it...haha. i am going to put a links page on my site soon and want to include swobo/htatbl, is that cool?
word to mama bird,
richie ditta
p.s. i just found my green swobo shorts packed away with some old messenger gear. i will get the full swobo "poster child" shot and send it soon."
Yes of course it would be alright if you linked us. We need all of the help we can get, and it should go without saying that youll be receiving the standard 15% of all annual earnings link cut that we give to everyone that gives us some props on the interweb.
And now on to upcoming events. I plugged this one a while back, but it looks like its just around the corner so Ill put it up again.
Plus its just so damn sexy looking.
That flyers so handsome it makes me feel ugly just looking at it.
Uglier than usual, I mean.
Heres a clip that I nicked from the C-R-C, dontchaknow?
Now for the results in the JMac shpantz competetion.. As usual, you all stunned, shocked, and awed me with your deftness of vision regarding this query.
Pento nailed it immediately, but on further inspection, I realized I had in fact given him the answer many months ago.
That being said, it was the one known as 'sinn fein' who knocked it the hell out of the park with this answer;
"I'll go with Bill Stevenson, but while in All.
Got an A- in college statistics in 1986 and think that this problem is a 'conditional probablity' one - but can only guess as to how to actually solve it 22 years later. Probablity of A is 1/18 and probablity of B is 1/5 (18x5 = 90) - so probability of any one of those folks in that bed while in certain band is 1 in 90?????? Or something like that.."
Seriously, I really dont give this audience enough credit. Here I was thinking that Id caused havoc with this impossibility of a quiz. Maybe something akin to "who had a regularly occurring cameo in the first nightmares I remember ever having?" Id sit back, feeling pretty smug, knowing there was no way anyone could possibly get that one, and within five minutes of posting it, the first four of you wiseacres would comment "Mr. Rogers".
WOULD YOU PEOPLE PLEASE GET OUT OF MY HEAD?!
Anyhow, would Sinn Fein please step up to the mike and claim your prize?
Rest assured though folks, Im going to hit the books, and come up with something none of you all, and I mean NONE are gonna get.
Im like the house in Vegas...
I dont like being beat.
Rolo was getting his weekly Jerry fill on Haight St. this weekend, when he stumbled upon this Courvoisier Sanchez in the window of TRUE . Mista Busta Rymes must have known...
A whole pile of stuff that has nothing to do with anything.
As youve come to expect from The Bummer Life, more often than not, I just end up digging my proverbial shovel into the info box,and spread the contents around this forum like so much manure. Todays not going to be any different.
Inspired by random finds on the treasure trove that is the internet, El Corpo shows off one of the new designs from the womens line that we will be debuting to the American public at Interbike this Fall.
I think well have some ladies shpantz as well, but who really cares when you could have a masturbating-kitten-killing-monster-sweater?
And in an email from Nick, he sent a shot proving that cars might actually be coffins after all.
Todd just put the Fixed Fight event on down there in Florida, which we were fortunate enough to help sponsor.
He wrote in to say thanks for the help- (I responded and said that he was among the first to ever write back offering appreciation, and to tell his mom that she did a wonderful job raising him.)
He also included several links to photo pools and what not, and if youd like to see what they do down in Florida besides fight dogs and rig elections, then click here
Ashley sent this video on. It pretty much rules.
Now you all Im sure are familiar with Chick Tracts...
They are those goofball fanatical comic books that illustrate how perversions like homosexuality, or the use of drugs and alcohol will inevitably lead you straight to Hell.
Daniel K. Raeburn even chronicled every Chick Tract available, complete with a glossary of terms in his seminal 'The Imp?'
Well, the bicycle world has their own Jack T. Chick in Chief Potawatomi, who publishes Velo Tracts, straight outta Hell Michigan.
Send him some mail, cause its the only time youll ever get to write to P.O. Box 666.
Do it now, and do it often.
And like DPow! says.. At least well always have this.
So in our on going attempt at helping out our own, I got this kindof random email from John;
"Hey I'm summoning your resources with the bummer life blog to help me get a job. All I have to do to get the job is to get as many people as possible to text 'JohnW' to the number: 28546 and then I guess the job is mine. Its a promotions job where I guess all I have to do is drive around and act retarded. Really everything I say is the truth. So if there is anyway possible that could happen I would be forever in debt to your mustached greatness.
Thanks
John"
I dont know how to text, nor have I used the cell phone I got for the trade show since October, but I bet you all do, and would like to take a second to help the brother out.
I mean jeez.. He gets to drive around and act retarded, and really, isnt that all any of us strive for?
So there you go John. Good luck, and when the money starts rolling in, Ill expect my cut promptly.
In an attempt to avoid a bummer life, Ill now put this video up of a fellow who got stuck, literally, right in the middle of one....
Big time...
The whole insane saga behind this clip is right here.
"Hey there Stevil,
In order to avoid the bummerlife at all costs, we put a posse together an went to Philly this past weekend to get some fresh ink @ the Philly Tattoo Convention. My man Shawn Hebrank (Shawn Hebrank (dot)com put this together for me. After 6 hrs of straight pokey-pokey, I have this rad thigh piece. Thought you might dig it. Talk soon.
Matt"
I told Matt that while that new piece he has is pretty sweet, it would have been alot more so had it included a moustache.
Heres something for the folks that have a soft spot for Black Flag from 'Damaged' to 'Whos Got The 10 (and a half') that our friend Joe sent on to us...
Just look at Bryan, Keith and Robo keeping it real the whole time while everybody else went flip floppy, willy nilly with their personal presentation...
If you want to really nerd out on this, just go here.
Ok, now for the humdinger of a trivia quiz that Id mentioned was on the horizon.
If you can name the individual depicted in this graphic who has slept in my spare bed, and tell me the name of the band that he or she was playing in at the time, youll win yourself a pair of genuine JMac® shpantz.
If you really dazzle me and go the extra mile like Darcy did on the Roman numeral quiz, then Ill even go so far as to get JMac himself to sign the damn things if you wish.
I mean really, youve got a one in eighteen chance of winning, so why not take a stab?
Well, actually its way higher than one in eighteen if you assume each individual was in roughly five bands a piece.. If you can figure the odds on top of providing the answer then Ill throw in a sticker or something as well.
I was hoping to get a Wednesday night ride report, but so far.. nada.
I heard there was a mountain lion on the scene, so thats something.
I went to my very favorite osteopath Thursday morning, and apparently I twisted one of the vertebrae in my neck, which is what was causing all of the anguish, so for now, Im back on my game, and will be in the mix next week showing the kids whats what, and making that mountain lion snuggle with me.
For the weekend though, remember this;
We love almost each and every one of you all..
Um.. not you with the striped shirt though....
..and definately not you.. over there... with the backwards visor..
Now that I kindof have my wits about me, Id begin to sort out the Sea Otter weekend a little more clearly for you all, but looking back on the report from Monday, there really isnt a whole lot that was left out, so in light of my ace reporting skills, Ill just put up the picture of the S.S. Moonbounce sinking to its dusty grave again cause its so sweet.
I found out that some random bike shop in Florida is supremely bummed out by the Bummer Life.... No specific reasons were given. I only know "Bikes!? Beer!?...I just dont get it."
True enough. They dont.
Secondly Mike and Chris D. spent some time in the booth with us on Saturday. At some point we started talking about the ghost town that was the Rock Racing truck, and that we should go over and hassle them. Chris mentioned that they had the 'HERE TO STAY' shirts for sale, which I had to see for myself, but like the shy-girl-getting-on-stage-to-karaoke that I am, I made them escort me to the truck to see for myself. I asked one of the minions if I could buy a shirt, to which she responded, "you want to get a little slice of history, huh?" and I turned to the young woman standing next to her and said "not really, but its just that this thing is going to be worth sooo much money in a year."
The one I was speaking to smirked, and the one who was selling did not. I pointed at the smirker and said "...Yeah.. She gets it", grabbed my shirt and walked away.
We later joked that Michael Ball was probably sitting in his office somewhere ringing his hands and ready to pull the plug on the whole debacle, when the phone call came through. "Mr. Ball, I know we were $25.00 short to have the race team together for another year, but you needn't worry, as we just sold a shirt. Youre now safe to renew everyones contracts for next season."
Its all my fault.
The only other thing that might be noteworthy would be that Yakima had an effegy of me that they had kids swinging wildly at with a bat.
I dont know what I ever did to any of them to justify such a wrath, but I suspect the individual on the left side of this shot covering his face might have some clue.
Anyhow, we got a pretty awesome letter from Andrew a week or so ago in which he included a list of all of the things hes accomplished in his new Brunos;
Dont ever let it be said that we dont put our goods through a rigorous battery of tests..
Now seeing as every time I dont check my mail for a day or two, and my inbox swells to epic proportions, it might be a good idea to now see what folks in other parts of the land(s) are up to.
Chris writes;
"Stevil,
I know you like bikes and I know you like art, so can a pile of bikes be art? Ill let you decide..
As we all may know, when Marcel Duchamp put a urinal in a museum, it redefined what is, and what is not art. Id say if a pisser could be considered as such, then by all means, a pile of bikes would be as well.
And Craig writes;
"Hagen (named after my favorite MTB trail) first birthday and first bike. No training wheels for this boy!
Cheers, Craig"
I wanted to name my son after my favorite trail as well, however when I called him "Bloody Nose" the lady in the hospital threw a hand full of flower in my face, and I never saw him again.
While were on the topic of the bambinos;
"Check out Squid's DNA on the back of the Dixon. That's Amy...Squid's wife. She had something to do with the Squidlet as well....
His kid's name is Keiran."
It does my heart good to see some of these little ones being raised right.
Johns not a baby, but we got an email from him just the same;
"Words escape me with regards to what this thing is. It's like a bouncy, Flintstoney foot-powered tricycle coaster thingy.
Another couple of years and we'll all be using carbon fiber versions of this thing to get around, except for the old-fashioned "steel is real" types and the art students who insist on building structure out of bamboo.
Or something.
John"
Every year at the trade show theres a whole flock of these mad scientist types who show up with goofball inventions like these. Does anybody remember the 'Risey Go' guy?
Anyway, its been a life long dream of mine to get a mob atop Mount Tam with a slew of these bikes, and have an all out, no holds barred death race to the bottom. Oh, Id also like to have one of those four seater pedal powered things with the tasseled canopy tops that tourists spin around in Golden Gate Park on the weekends included as well.
That would be history in the making, I suspect.
Did somebody say 'bacon'?
"Hey Stevil,
I enjoy your blog-i-ness.
Here are two photos, I thought I would share with your audience, which prove that, although I am a vegetarian, I respect bacon.
The first is a choco-bacon treat my fiance and I found in a fancy chocolate shop in the Strip District of Pittsburgh (it's not as sexy as it sounds).
The second is photographic evidence that I owned at one point in my life, a can of Celebrity Bacon! (myself pictured)
Unfortunately, this cultural gem was lost when my future father-in-law helped us move and discarded it. The day I realized it was gone, is the true meaning of "the bummer life."
Keep it real.
--
Brian Hare"
Brian, I feel as though it was probably for the best that you lost that can of goodness, as you would most likely have come home after last call at some point felling a little bit peckish, alot of bit brave, and disaster would have struck.
Well folks, were getting to just about the long and the short of it from this end. Its Wednesday, and there are some fun things on the docket for this evening, though after spending three hours riding into the wind, sleeping in the back of the U-Haul truck, carrying all 10 billion pounds of our Sea Otter booth back and fourth five times and then into the warehouse on Sunday night, I woke up on Monday and while in the shower washing my hair, pinched a nerve in my neck leaving me more or less down for the count again.
Yeah- I know. Thats what I get for washing my hair.
At this point the only fairly significant way of avoiding the bummer life as I see it, is to not get old.
As I mentioned to Brauer recently, there was a time in my life where I was really abusing the hell out of my body, and was always surprised that I never hurt myself.
Im rapidly coming to the conclusion that I hurt myself every time, I just didnt feel the effects until 15 years later..
This windfall of wisdom is a real pain in the neck.
Literally.
Anyhow, well leave you with a jump from neck trauma to George. It just rolls of the tongue, dont it?
"mega thanks dude!
the snow is beginning to melt and our souls have been purchased by the lower lands known as the high desert.
The amazing feeling of heat, sunburns, blood, dust and beer have added a much needed benefit to the weekend routine.
Fruita is rad and so are the backroads around here. free from lots of cars, but have a surprising amount of sleeping elk and deer taking naps along the road.
anywho - enjoy the night.
love,
g"
And how better to end with some love from the George?
The Sea Otter in a nutshell.
Young Hightower and I rode from Santa Cruz to Monterey. At one point while traveling into the constant headwind, I glanced at my computer and I was moving along at 17 miles an hour. I stopped pedaling, and within five feet, was at a dead stop. The wind didnt let up until Sunday morning, I ate bangers and mash with bacon and cheese on it, we drank some beers, and some people rode their bikes. Travis Brown took some single speeders to school, and eventually I tried to get in a gigantic book bag.
And if you had the misfortune of missing it, reading these words and looking at the following images should fill you in on all of the most important items. Ill have a few more in the coming days, but for now, as the title indicates, I am pretty beat up.
I gotta get this posted for our friends The Stomparillaz cause God knows Im not going to be in any kind of shape to report on Sunday night.
Mmmmmmmm....Bacon....
We finally got the ball rolling on Wednesday night hijinx this week, as a plan Ive long been formulating finally came to fruition.
As you might recall, last year we engaged in several variations of the one handed climb, and the one handed descent. I wanted to take it a step further, and move the event to a particularly rooty stretch of trail tucked back in the woods, that is a feat to climb with both hands on the bars, let alone one. I also thought it would be a good idea to include hotdogs, because there are few words that are more of a pleasure to exclaim in the same breath as "hotdog hill climb".
Fortunately just before we were to depart, the Swobo shipping computer took a crap so I scampered away to find a stove on which to cook up the dogs.
Of course I included vegetarian dogs for those in our ilk who were not of the meat eating persuasion, but they seemed to me to be made out of a substance not alot unlike Silly Putty.
I wrapped them all up in individual bundles, packed them into my Bob trailer in an insulated bag and headed out to the meeting spot. Young Hightower,who was last years season winner kicked things off to a rocky start with an immediate dab, but held his head up high with the knowledge that there are many more opportunities to not suck.
We had a special guest of honor who rolled through proving just why it was that at one point in his life, he made his living riding a bike.
Anyway, after the final dog had hit the ground, and the dust was settled, the Wisconsin Wunderkind known only as Oz came out victorious, just edging out second place for this weeks longest-technical-climb-while-eating-a-hotdog-contest.
Alright then. Moving on....
Landon from Tonic Fabrication emailed us a picture of Looch avoiding a bummer life, getting rad, and giving himself a breast exam all at the same time.
You know what they say about an ounce of prevention, right Looch?
Hoss got in touch with us with this bit of weirdness about world population reaching 6,666,666,666 on May 10th...
Hmmmm... Maybe its a good idea if I start cranking out some babies too.
While Im thinking about it, theres a couple of alley cats coming up in conjunction with this weekends festivities that I need to bring up.
Of course theres this one that Ive already clued you in on;
and then theres this one thats gonna be a good time as well;
Do one or do the other, or if you really want to establish unfaltering street cred, do 'em both and show the world just what a bad ass you really are.
Its been a while since a worthy Friday Hero has come along, and just when I thought there no more left, I get this email;
"I'd like to nominate this guy. For him, second place is not the first loser, he's just fine with it. Matter of fact, looks like he's really stoked to have done so well. Good for him, taking it in stride.
avoiding the bummer like
-honeswags (the one who's vomit was edited out in a george post)
ps do all people that put on alley cats have computer design degrees... cause there flyers are a little better than mine."
Judging on the overwelming number of fixed gear bikes I saw recently locked up outside at an art school, Id say there is actually a very good chance the folks putting on alley cats do in fact have a design degree... Or at least a bachelors in ceramics.
Ben writes;
"Stumbled into this picture while wasting some billable time. Best use of an Xtra Cycle I have seen so far."
As I told Ben, I got this image sent to me by a couple of folks today. Its good to know that were all on the same page, as it were.
CFO..Whatcha got?;
"I have never seen this one…That must be where the shit started hitting ze fan"
No doubt.
Hey- DPow! Give us the skinny;
"the Folsom is fucking rad. what else can be said? Product testing will resume at lunch hour. bar spin tests were conducted successfully last night, as was cruising with Colt 45 can in hand.
wish I could come by for some mint julips at sea otter. funny story first time I met you, was there at the bike mag tent. you were autographing Rocky Mountain posters for unsuspecting Freds. Best signature of the day was
"Lotta guys want my sweater, only you get in it. Dick"
Hil-larious."
I guess for the folks who dont know what DPows talking about, Ill give you the skinny. It was at Sea Otter a few years ago, and I for whatever reason ended up behind the table at the BIKE Magazine booth. There was a pile of posters there on the table depicting some superstar free rider getting rad. I started autographing them and before we knew it, there was a crowd forming and I was writing all kinds of horrible things to these folks that sadly maybe thought I was actually a 'somebody'.
Some people parlay their 15 seconds of fame into a career. Mine most likely ended up crumpled up in a trash can.
A couple of folks have sent on this article about this crazy new trend in mountain biking called... Get this.. 'single speeding.' Thats right, its like a regular mountain bike, except there arent any derailers. Can you imagine?!
Now, all sarcasm aside, Im not gonna sit up here on a high horse and act like I was the first person to ever throw a leg over a one speed, but I will say that I was present when one contemporary single speed luminary who will remain unnamed and whos bikes many have given a left nut for, said that riding a bike with one gear was stupid and didnt make any sense.
He absolutely was right, though I suspect he still would rather that conversation be a forgotten and buried thing.
And while were on the topic of bicycle industry luminaries, Shimanos A.K. is a bad, bad man.
He also takes pictures of himself sleeping through sales meetings.
Ill bet he was a terror in middle school.
So you might have noticed that the tone and overall look of The Bummer Life has changed a bit throughout this posting.
The reasons are two fold. One because I decided to use much larger pictures, and two because when I started this post on Thursday morning, I was still drunk.
Thats how the magic happens around here folks.
Another week has come and gone, and were not much richer, and definitely no wiser, but weve got you all and thats worth more than all the tea in China.
If these guys hadnt come up with this, I guess it was just a matter of time before Big Jonny did.
A million chagrined thanks to Complayna for bestowing these upon me.
Well Sea Otter is still a week away and its already kicked my carcass up and down the block, so in light of the fact that the suns going down and I still have a million things to do, Im just gonna blaze through a post as quickly as I can, so buckle up and here we go.
A few days ago I got a package in the mail of the darkest sort. Captain Dave sent me a parcel containing a complete Evil Cycling kit, which I christened on a long and quasi brutal pre-work road ride this morning. An interesting thing took place that I feel the need to expound upon now. As I weaved over hill and dale, cars were actually allowing me an unusually wide berth. At one point at least a dozen cars in a row passed me, giving me a full lane of wiggle room, which in the four and half years of residing in this particular area has never happened. (The Skipper claimed that it might have been because the passing motorists actually caught a glimpse of my moustache peeking out from either side of my head from behind) but barring that, I mean to tell you this kit just commands respect, however perhaps most notably as I approached a downhill four way stop, I glanced up to see a humongo white SUV opposite the intersection from me, and a hand in the windshield waving me through. I continued on, waving back in appreciation, and just as I passed I looked up and saw an extraordinarily attractive mom in the drivers seat giving me a long and head turning smile.
They say theres a first time for everything, but I thought Hell would indeed freeze over before I experienced even a glimmer of what I did this morning.
Who knew selling my soul would have such a staggeringly positive result?
But what did I see once I got back to civilization?
My life is just a series of contradictions.
So, back to Sea Otter- It looks like were going to be there with a little bit of product in tow.
Thats 360 gallons of Swobo goodness right there, so if any of yall are gonna be rolling through, would you PLEASE come by and buy some goods from us, cause I sure as hell am not looking forward to putting all of this away on Monday.
You know something I really do like though?
Dip cones.
Though dip cones and the end of days dont have much in common, a sign of the impending apocalypse was sighted this past weekend when I happened upon M.A and The Stick riding some brand new custom Hunter double boingers.
When the man who has long been known to ride bikes of the single gear and rigid variety shows up on the complete opposite, you know mankinds days are numbered.
Ive got to hand it to him though.. As opposed as I am personally to suspension bikes, his new design got me to drooling, as well as thinking about making a little more space in the garage.
Mail bag time? Yeah.. mail bag time.
"Stevil,
I hate to open up old wounds like your fork debacle but I couldn't help not refer to it when recounting my own similar experience building up a custom frame/fork just the other night. Fortunately for me, the end result was not so severe but for a time I was definitely feeling your struggle. Read more about it here.
Hope all is bummerless,
Chris"
Oh comeon.. Cutting the steerer while the fork is on the bike? Youve trumped my stupidity Chris, and it makes me think you might occasionally attempt to put on your underpants after youve donned your trousers...
But that being said- you came out on top, while I still just have a custom fork with a stubby steer tube sitting in my shop mocking me every time I walk into the room.
Ive got a bright future at Rolling Stone magazine ahead of me.
Brets hiding from you behind his glasses. Hes very shy.
As I mentioned on Fridays Guywire®, my better half and I were comped free passes to see the Bret Michaels Band on Friday night at the beautiful Fox Theatre in downtown Salinas California. Without getting too involved in my reaction to the evening, Ill just breakdown some thoughts in the form of a list;
1) Unlike this photo I stole from the interweb, Bret was actually wearing a t-shirt adorned with a huge image of his own face. You thought it was a faux pas to say... go see Alan jackson, or perhaps Third Eye Blind and then wear an Alan Jackson shirt or Third Eye Blind shirt to the show? Bret trumped the hell out of that...
And you are correct- It would be a faux pas to go see Third Eye Blind in the first place.
But not Alan Jackson.
2) There was clevage everywhere. I mean seriously- It was like standing in a field staring up into space on a perfectly clear night and seeing every star in the sky, except for that they were boobs.
3) A drunk guy at the bar told the girl- "I was back here looking and I just gotta say, I really like your ass" to which she responded "Thanks! Ive never actually seen it myself, But I guess I like an ass every now and again too." Then he mumbled something about her being an 'asstrologist'.
Awesome.
4) Two of the tramps from his VH1 hit 'Rock of Love' were there. It was unconfirmed weather or not they were actually charging thirty dollars a piece for body shots.
5) I saw a guy with a faux-hawk and a bald spot. Im no fashion diva, but Im reasonably sure its possible to have one or the other, but you can never have both.
6) From our perch we saw a sweet girl fight.
7) When upon stage Bret points alot as if to say, "Hey there you are! Oh, no way! I remember you! Oh! you there.. I saw you when we played the State fair! Yeah! Youre that guy!"
8) The opening band was called Sosa, or Sose or something and at one point towards the end of their set the singer announced, "Ive got a question for you all... Sammy or Dave?" I was so flabbergasted I could only stand with my mouth agape, but nothing could have prepared me for the flatlined response from the audience. They then launched into five of the most spot on, and flawlessly preformed tributes to classic Van Halen as my ears have ever heard.
I turned to the girl and said "from this point forward Van Halen will forever be known to me as 'Lee Roth'.
They were really that good.
9) As far as I know, (I got fed up and left before the show had concluded) The Bret Michaels Band has nary an original song in their set, as they played strictly Poison songs and a cover of 'Knocking on Heavens Door' that had he been dead, would have resulted in Bob Dylan turning in his grave so many times he could have drilled his way to China.
10) Bret Michales is a true showman who gives the audience 110%, and I have to give him credit for that despite the fact that hes a total douchebag.
And that concludes my live music review for this installment of How to Avoid The Bummer Life.
Now then- weve got a friend named Joe whos a pretty smart cat. Well he used to make these track hubs that went by the name of The Chub. He threw the whole project on the back burner for a couple of years, until recently when he got the old machine running again.
He says theyve got the pictured track hubs and single speed mountain hubs, but that you could use em for anything as long as you pay for em, and that Chub will have an honest to goodness booth at The Sea Otter ifin you would like to check them out for yourself.
Dont bother telling him that he should include a toy surprise inside of every hub though. I already tried that, and I dont think he listened.
You know those brainiac types.. They always need to come up with the kick ass ideas for themselves.
Recently the law firm for which Loudass is employed has fallen on some hard times and as a result have resorted to having him to stand outside the office on his lunch break in an attempt at drumming up some business.
If that doesnt instill confidence is the firms abilities, then I dont know what will.
"Spiderman, Spiderman... Doing what it takes to get you off of the public urination charge, Spiderman can."
Recently Ashley sent this site along to us, which has a pretty entertaining collection of photos such as the one below;
Generally Im always digging around in my bag looking for my camera when the good stuffs going down.
..Except for maybe this one I got of Sean.
I dont fancy myself as much of a photographer, but Im tying myself into knots patting my own back for this one.
CFO just sent shots of his new belt buckle that he had Jen Green make for him. I want one like that, but big like the Leadville 100 buckles. You know.. so big that it hurts to sit down.
I figure Jen could do it, but it would probably cost me about two weeks salary, and that just wouldnt be prudent seeing as Im still in debt to Circle A Cycles.
Of all the folks in my life to whom Ive recently owed money, I think I like owing money to them the best.
Chris said theyve been snapping shots in the shop as my new steed comes along, and when he puts them up on their site, you can bet Ill be bringing it up here incessantly.
Hey, what do you suppose George has been up to?
"hope all is well over there dude. check out the pics from one Friday in Denver. backyards, pan handler, a wedding and a sleepover party.
Good night and sweet dreams!
George"
I always like the photos George sends because they kinda dont have anything to do with anything, but I especially like the last one of the girl holding the knife due to the fact that presently Im reading 'The Dirt'- An autobiography on Motley Crue... And no offense to the depicted, but she could very well be one of the endless cast of the depraved that are so often referred to within the books pages.
And finally, any self respecting bike nerd knows that the world famous Paris Roubaix, or 'Hell of The North' bicycle race was this weekend, and as Ive done for the last dozen or so years, I went and took it out on myself on the back roads, and most pothole pitted descents I could find.
If youve spent any amount of time reading this here blog thing, you know that for the last decade Ive pretty much had my heart torn from my chest in regards to the world of professional road cycling.
Well, the Roubaix holds a very special place for me in that I feel as though it wads up the drug scandals and Michael Balls and just casually punts it all in the trash bin.
To me its always seemed bigger then that, and I can recall an issue of Cycle Sport in which the centerfold was a Graham Watson photo of Andre Tchmil the first year he won.
His knees were bloody and his face was purple, and I didnt know him from Adam, but I knew that here was a god among men, and no matter what kind of pain or hopelessness Ive felt on a bike, that it paled in comparison to what this individual was experiencing in the photo.
Fifteen years later I still have that poster, and I still have endless admiration for those who go to battle in this race and emerge victorious.
Its races like the Roubaix and people like Tchmil and this years winner, Tom Boonen that give me hope for the future of this sport that has at times had me on the edge of my seat with goose bumps, and conversely has at other times had me holding my head in shame and disbelief.
Congratulations Tom. Youve made me feel pride again.
As always, heres to everyone having had a great weekend, and as tolerable a Monday as you can. Its just two days away from Wednesday, which I kinda like to think of as a midweek Friday...Then you just gotta hold on for two more days until Friday hits and we can do it all over again.
This weekend I received an email from a fellow who just picked up one of our new Dixons. His story is not unlike those that so many of us in traffics trenches have experienced, but the conclusion is one that any of us could only ever hope for.
Max Steele not only has a superhero name, but also obviously has superhero mettle.
"Hey Swobo people,
I got my Dixon in on Wednesday and built it up that evening. However, I didn’t really get a chance to ride in until the next day. An interesting thing happened that I wanted to share in order to convey how satisfied I am with my new bike..
My first ride on the new Dixon was not a good one. I was stopped at an intersection about 90% of the way through my daily commute. It was raining lightly and the world was composed of various shades of grey. I was sitting two cars back from the light behind a white sedan. The car may have been a Chevy Malibu. Out of nowhere, the sedan began to back up. The driver was clearly not looking back or he might have seen me sitting behind him. My mind froze for that one crucial second and then BUMP! The car hit my front wheel. I began to shout things that I’m sure were not polite as his car rolled back ONTO my front wheel, pushing it beneath the rear bumper.
At that moment, I knew that my wheel would be destroyed. It’s not that I doubted the quality of the Alex 36 hole rims that Swobo choose for my bike. I just didn’t think that wheels survived that sort of thing. I was FURIOUS. I slapped the sedan’s trunk and roared with anger. This was my new bike. It was brand new and some asshole had crippled it on the first day.
The pounding on his trunk did the trick. The car, now slightly leveraged off the ground onto my wheel, stopped. It proceeded to roll forward, releasing the Dixon from a death grip. The driver jumped out of his car, in shock. He immediately began apologizing and inquiring about my wellbeing. Once I convinced him that I was fine, we turned our attention to my ruined bike.
Only, it wasn’t ruined at all. I lifted the frame and gave the front wheel a spin. It looked whole and true. The spokes were fine, the tire still held pressure. Nothing seemed wrong. We were both impressed and relieved and I let the driver go. I needed to get to work and I didn’t really feel that he deserved some sort of punishment for a 5 mile an hour collision.
Just to be safe, I ran the Dixon by my LBS so that one of the mechanics could insure that the rim hadn’t been fractured and that the bike was, in fact, perfectly fine. The mechanic told me that it was not uncommon for a low cost rim to be able to take this level of punishment, but I’m still pretty impressed. I definitely feel more comfortable riding the Dixon now that I know what the wheels can endure.
Thanks for the bike,
Thomas “Max” Steele
Portland, OR"
Firstly we are very glad that this story had a happy ending, and secondly, you can bet Max has forever locked himself a spot as the official Swobo research and development team.
I promised the good folks from Bike Works Albuquerque who are organizing this event that Id put this up, but I cant keep track of what date it is from one day to the next. Hopefully some of yall from down Albuquerque way will see this and get to it post-haste.
I finally have gotten almost full use of my arm back, and though I was feeling a little timid for fear of re-injury, The Skipper and I got out of work a bit early to partake in some dirt and solitude in the woods with our friends.
There were some new faces in the mix, which is always nice, but we were most excited to see Mr. Gills moustache make a return appearance, as its been a little while since hes been around.
Young Hightower and I parted ways with the group and took a long and breathtakingly beautiful fire road descent back down to the trails head.
There at the bottom we made a new friend,
as well as found a good spot to hangout on chilly Summer, Fall, Winter, or Spring evenings.
The horse came over to see us immediately, and I remembered I had an apple, and a banana in my bag, which he was happy to relieve me of.
But... have any of you looked into a horses mouth recently?
I hadnt, and as the hot, toothy and cavernous void moved over my hand, I had momentary flashes of pulling back a bloody nub, but as magnificently powerful as this animal was, he took the apple slices from my fingers with the gentile care of a cautious puppy, which I guess if you get right down to it, is kinda all a horse really is..
And secondly, as far as our new hangout goes, its all I can do not to start a fire in there for us to lounge around in front of, but the thought of how insanely busted Id get if I accidently burned the cabin down quelled any pyromaniacal desires.
Its true- Im a shell of the man I once was.
While Im thinking about it- You know.. I kinda spilled my guts here the other day, and out of that, I got some really amazing correspondences from some of you folks. Id like to offer my deepest thanks for the kind words, and the support that in some instances were given to me by complete strangers.
That, my friends, is a really good feeling.
That being said, lets move on to the mail bag, shall we?
It truly is the cringe felt around the world, and if Sky and El Corpo didnt have my balls in a jar on their desk, I bet I would have felt that one too.
There was a bit of concern floating around today for the health of my working environment as I received this from CFO, and the following image from DPow!
As I said, the office space that contains the brilliance of The Skipper and myself only has the wall of shame going for it. No M&Ms, no airplane models hanging from strings.. Nothing cool like that.
But... no sooner do I ask for submissions do I receive the following two starbursts of genius.
The first from one who we only know of as Stupidpuma;
And now the crowning jewel that well give a little bit of a before and after treatment.
So back to the Wednesday night ride for a second. Since Ive been injured, and tied up with other junk, I havent really had much time to put into coming up with new feats of strength, but next week Ive got something cooking thats maybe gonna go down in the annals of history as one of the best.
Maybe.
...Either way, you heard it here first.
Now to close this one out, Im gonna barrage your eyes will a wall of video clips sent in from Intern A;
or being the Hennesey Drinking step father of this kid who refuses to leave his room to ride the bike you gave him cause he spends all his time building the best finger bike park EVER!!!!!!!!!
Oh for the love of all thats good Intern A, just embedding all of that, I watched some of my own hair turn grey. Promise me that youll never send an email like that to me again, and that youre going to walk straight out the door and take your dog for a spin around the block or something.
Alright- Thats all Ive got in me. Next week well have more love from our own George, a new contest, and the regular crap that keeps you coming back for more.
And before I go, I gotta remind any Bay Area dwellers about the cowboy-on-dinosaur bicycle freak out in the park.
Should you ever ask yourself what kinds of simple pleasures make my world go round, (and if you do, you really need to read a book or something) one answer would be coming home to find a pair of custom Vans on my doorstep.
Ive said it before- Im a simple person with simple needs.
Anyhow, just as I was putting the finishing touches on the piece about the fellow who I found in the woods, I heard a particularly mouthy and slurpy sound coming from the cats food bowls. It turns out a really damn big raccoon was partaking of the kittys kibble, and was too freaked out to have the good graces to leave from the door through which he came, so I swear on all thats good and right, I just chased the varmint all around the house while the cats stared wide eyed offering no help at all.
Finally before leaving, he jumped up and knocked the water cooler jug on the ground, just to let me know Im his bitch...
And that my friends is county livin'.
Our friends at ye old Soil Saloon(dot)com are keeping their promise for a monthly dirt party, and have offered yet another cowboy/dinosaur emblazoned flyer for our edification.
Hell, I just might make it to one of these someday. Maybe it will be this one... You know, but dont let that stop you from going.
That is unless Ryan and his new race ready machine are on the line, then we all might as well just stay home, cause we dont have a chance.
Weve got this friend that we affectionately refer to as 'Millionare Bob' primarily due to the fact that for the de
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