"Have you ever given a foot massage?"

"Don't be tellin' me about foot massages. I'm the foot fuckin' master."

So, to the individual who only went as 'Truth', get ahold of me, and well square you away.

Truth be told, and no pun intended, there were many favorites and like in the case of the following from Shawn, even an added comic book twist.

And Loudass simply responded with visuals, rather than any sort of written word;

Though in my opinion, this

plus this,

equals awesome.

As a rule, I try with all of my might to keep the profanity to a minimum here primarily due to the fact that El Corpo has very little tolerance for my potty mouth, and I get docked time spent hot dogging in the Swobo Hummer for every bad word that appears within these hollowed pages, but at least in this instance, they had to roll uncensored just so that the integrity of the submissions remained intact.

Anyhow, as we know- theres no second place winners, only first place losers, so for those of you who didnt make the cut, keep em peeled, because theres many more challenges on the horizon, with glory and fantastical surprises as reward.

I have to also offer many thanks to The Skipper for his unparalleled skills with photoshop in providing us with the winners visual aide.

While were still on the topic of creative uses of nothing, Ryan sent in a photo of his bike, and a smashing new application of recyclables;

"Hey,

Thought you might enjoy these pics of my Sanchez with my homemade
fender--PBR cans, coat hangers, duct tape, packaging tape and a small
amount of solder wire.

-Intern Ryan LaBar"

The family of Swobo is wise beyond their years when it comes to being resourceful.

Take our own Sky for example, whos presently taking care of business in Taiwan. You give her a fish head, and shell give you a drinking buddy.

Or the wunderkind from Fox suspension known as 'Complayna' who also happens to be in Taiwan at the moment. You give her a half an hour in a public market there, and shell come up with a shirt adorned with a cartoon picture of me.

Now I know how Homer Simpson felt when he saw a picture of himself on a Japanese soap box.

Listen- this isnt school, and we dont want anybody to take a test if they dont care to, but he lovely and talented Dow sent this quiz on to us, which is a pretty interesting exercise.

However, I swear if I ever get hit by a car and the driver says they didnt see me cause they were watching a bear moonwalk, Im going to kick the crap out of them right there where they stand.

Lets talk about Shpants, for a minute, shall we? Im sure you all have a pretty good idea by now, just how intensely we test our soft goods. Well yesterday I had an experience Id like to share. See, our new warehouse facility is huge. The square footage isnt anything to write home about, but the ceilings are about a floor below gods basement, so to get to the loftiest heights, we have this bad boy;

But sometimes theres stuff in the way, or the items are even too high up to reach by ladder.

Thats when The Skipper and I have to resort to the OSHA totally unapproved method of climbing around like so many monkeys, pull the bike out, let it swing to the lower level, and repeat.

It can be fairly unsettling, but as of yet, and knock on wood, weve done so without incident.
That was until last evening. I got a huge order in that ironically contained one of each bike size that lives way out of reach, so the climbing began.
Each four and half foot span drawing me closer to the heavens, when suddenly in mid-foothold there was an audible rip. Then moving up onto the next level, another.
"Oh crap" I thought, reflecting on some of my early unplanned shpant exposures.
Once safely back on the ground, I stuck my face as far though my crotch as I could to inspect the damage, but found nothing.
I knew Id heard fabric tearing. Perhaps Id ripped the stitching out, which I checked, but still came up empty.
Perplexed, I dropped my pants to the floor, and was shocked at the sight.

Id completely blown out of my underpants. From the top of my wang hole to the bottom of my leg hole, there was nothing but devistation. Ive seen alot of wardrobe malfunctions in my day, but this was a first.
So the score is to date, Jmac knickers- 1, underpants- 0.

But that wasnt the only this that made this week rad. Thursday we got a visit from Brigid, and Cheever,

and DPow! sent me the coolest transistor radio ever.

You can bet I jammed out to some mono-fi Kenny Loggins on my ride home.

Hey- its Friday. I couldnt ride last week on account of cause I was all wrecked. You can bet Ill make up for it this weekend. I hope everybody gets down and makes the very most out of what THE MAN gives us.