A synopsis of everything that for better or for worse, The Bummer Life has come to represent.
Firstly, I would like to thank any of you who might have made it over here from The Bike Snob and Id of course also like to offer thanks to The Snob for the plug. Its really is amazing what a little bribery can accomplish. Anyhow, for those of you who might be new to this corner of the internet, Swobo is a little bicycle and bicycle clothing company consisting of five people. HTATBL is just me and occasional cameos by a number of other folks from around the globe.
If packed into a nutshell, all this communication device really consists of is;
Bikes,
Art,
Music,
Bacon,
Danzig,
Big Dave,
Photography,
Moustaches,
Random occurrences of Three 6s,
Mr.T,
and a fat guy named Loudass.
Youll notice straight off the bat that Im not as articulate or insightful as The Snob, but what I lack in content, I more than make up for in mispellings, completely fabricated truths, and chest hair.
So again, thank you for stopping by.
Lets continue, shall we?
You know theres no way to transition from our general lightheartedness to real world tragedy, so at the risk of seeming callous, Im just going to jump right into it.
As Ive said before, occasionally the process of avoiding a bummer life is meeting up head to head with it. Not that any single one of us ever needs a reminder that life is a fragile thing, and to always watch one anothers backs, but this next piece is just too close to our hearts.
*photos by Larry Rosa, and Garret Lau
This past weekend Bay Area cyclists, Matt Peterson and Kristy Gough were killed when a sheriffs officer reportedly fell asleep, crossed over into oncoming traffic, and struck their group.
The full sad and sickening saga is right here.
I saw a news report on this the other night, and the cop car wasnt just partially in the other lane, he was off the road, on the embankment, in the other lane. This is truly a tragedy for everyone involved, and were keeping them all in our thoughts.
Now to jump from real world sadness to a happier topic, and by this, of course I mean bicycles and pornography.
GenO elaborates;
"Here's some late breaking film action and just in time too. Today I walked a bike out at 6:59pm, rode it around the block. At 7pm it was still light out. This Thursday March 13th, for one night only! Strong Arm Marketing presents, The Pornography of the Bicycle. A series of short films on the theme of Bike Porn. It's cumming on thru it's east coast tour here in Mpls. It will play at the StrongArm Marketing Complex. 117 Washington Ave N. Mpls, MN. $5 at the door. 99 to 100 limited seats. That's this Thursday night. Door at 8pm, Director/Producer intro at 8:15pm. Showtime at 8:30pm. Scrool down the trailer page here for a short look. We all know cycling, and sex, are some of the best things life offers us. You really do not want to miss this. Spring is coming:) (go)"
So now you know.
From the other side of Minneapolis, Hurl sent us the Viceland Bummer Hero.
Would you believe Im wearing that exact same outfit right now?
How embarrassing.
This ones been posted here before, but it kinda kills two birds with one stone.
Of course its a picture of Mr. T in front of Danzigs house.
And then well transition over here to some art that doesnt suck, in the form of Matt Borruso.
Say, has anyone seen George?
Ohhhh... There he is;
"Dude,
Have you ever been a quarter of the way up an approach/hill and put your camel toe mouthpiece in your mouth only to have nothing come out and the piece to feel strangely different?
Turns out that last night while my camel-toe was on the futon a furry little mouse came and chewed up my mouthpiece, finished my granola bar by gnawing through the mesh and made a large mess of crumbs on said futon. The problem was that before I left the house at 6am to scramble up the ski hill in the darkness I only realized the granola mess and not the mouth piece. But the realization was a bitch, all that I could think of was the hunta virus and the fucking mouse, not to mention the water going into my mouth.
But in a way it was like the first time you had booze or first day of college;
from that point forward you’ll basically drink after absolutely anyone.
(hearts)
g"
George speaks the truth, and I know this fact from once accidentally taking a swig of my own urine- but that as they say, is a different story for a different time.
As I mentioned to any possible first time visitors here, my O.C.D. provides me with an eye for three sixes. Everywhere I go, they seem to appear, and as soon as I made mention of it on The Bummer Life, others started to take notice as well.
For example, maker of badassness Tony wrote in;
"Steevil,
HTATBL is great. It shines a little extra sunlight on my rainiest of days.
While I'm writing you, I liked the mustache post the other day, but you left out Mike Flanigan. He rocks.
I thought you might like this picture. My fiancee bought it based on price alone. Yep, that's why she's my baby.
-Tony"
Then theres this one. Just as I rolled into my driveway after a lovely sunny day spin, I should glance down and see this;
So you know immediately after showering which shirt I put on.
Anyway, all of this sets the stage for what our own Sky came across on a recent ride to work. I think its safe to say that anything any of us ever find, forever and ever will pale in comparison.
Yeah, Im serious. And if that werent enough, check out the drivers name.
Sky chatted with the wrench a while about this whip, and the quote she conveyed to me was simply-
"On top of all misery, the fu*ker is Irish!"
Ill let you all regain your composure for a moment with this article about Chuck Norris.
Now, you all like bike races, right?
And heres another that were proud to help sponsor out in Kansas City way. Word to the wise, leave the Mavic Ksryium Elites at home.
Well here we are at the end of another delightful trip down the river of HTATBL. Weve just about covered all of the bases mentioned in the introduction, so well just leave you with this.
Lay a photo caption on me that really blows my hair back, and the one who wins gets a free Swobo t-shirt of their choice.
Aaaaaannnnndddddd.... Im out.
Comments
Don't forget about Satan's Energy Drink: 66.6 gallons for $6.66.
Posted by: Fritz | March 15, 2008 07:30 AM
"Let's split up, gang... Daphne and Velma and I will go this way, Scooby, you and Shaggy check out the basement."
"Rooby Rooby roo!!!"
Posted by: fanger | March 14, 2008 01:25 AM
The Tour of Toledo Podium Girls missed the flight...but you get me player....
Posted by: Ed R | March 13, 2008 07:36 PM
Oh, the things people will do for a free t-shirt. I am a bit disappointed that there was not a single "Blazing Saddles" reference...
Posted by: Loudass | March 13, 2008 03:00 PM
You all have taken it right to the gutter. In a way Im proud of you all. Proud in the way like when your retarded child fouls in T ball.
The academy are calculating the votes, and results will be in on Friday.
Posted by: Stevil | March 13, 2008 09:57 AM
shit! you just can't beat, "my other bike is your mom." I guess I'll just have to buy the tee shirt of my choice.
Posted by: cary | March 13, 2008 08:54 AM
Spandex comes in XL? Hey man, at least I paid for them...
Posted by: Anonymous | March 13, 2008 08:49 AM
#1) i am a paramedic. I got off work sunday morning in Los Altos. i could have easily have been to that accident. I was at a cycle crash up there last month. Glad I was on my way home.
#2) Caption:
LA; Does this can of beer make me look fat?
BD; Naw man you look good. Here rub your butt on my yellow prostate stimulator.
Posted by: Mezbone | March 13, 2008 08:37 AM
"So...how long have you been white?"
Posted by: smokie | March 13, 2008 07:59 AM
"So I got my tongue up this chicks ass...."
"Dude the Diceman is so eighties...but, you remember him as Crazy Larry" tormenting Arnold on Different Strokes?"
Posted by: cockleburr | March 13, 2008 07:37 AM
my other bike is your mom.
Posted by: joby | March 13, 2008 07:03 AM
Quote:
"I swear man, this is exactly how I was doing her last night..swear."
Posted by: yaboy | March 13, 2008 06:56 AM
2 posts bad form?
"that sure was nice of that guy to give us the beers and take the lb of weed we found in the alley and search for the owner"
Posted by: alma ola | March 13, 2008 04:19 AM
cheeeeessse gromit
Posted by: Alma ola | March 13, 2008 03:26 AM
"I like turtles....."
"Yeah? Well I banged your wife!"
Posted by: Anonymous | March 13, 2008 03:17 AM
Clean?!?! Not a chance!!
Posted by: JP | March 13, 2008 03:14 AM
So she says to me... "We don't say that word. When you're here you say rectum." And I says, "Lady, you ever ride a bike with no seat!? Wrecked 'em! Damn near killed 'em!"
Posted by: Andy | March 13, 2008 03:03 AM
"America's last hope of entering clean riders in the Tour de France."
Posted by: Pete | March 13, 2008 01:40 AM
"i see your on team DFL?"
"damn straight!"
"you know it's DFL cuz this piss beer you guys drinkin, right?!"
Posted by: matt | March 13, 2008 01:21 AM
Gee, Mister, you look blackalicious in that pink 'kerchief. Wanna play?
Posted by: JP | March 13, 2008 01:18 AM
BD: "What does Marsellus Wallace look like?"
LA: "What?"
Posted by: FunkyLaneO | March 13, 2008 12:47 AM
Bacon flavored beer taste testing is a huge success.
Posted by: Kauzena Feck | March 13, 2008 12:33 AM
Helmet - "It's gotta be length."
Shades - "Girth, buddy. Girth."
Posted by: kurtz | March 13, 2008 12:27 AM
all I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi
Posted by: pilderwasser | March 12, 2008 11:42 PM
Bacon.
Posted by: Seth | March 12, 2008 10:04 PM
LA: "Stevil Kinevil's urine???"
BD (cockney accent):
"Now that'll wake y' up in the mornin' boy!
Posted by: Linden | March 12, 2008 10:04 PM
BD: "Check it out, they shoulda put me in one of those short films"
LA: "I'd buy that for a dollar!"
Posted by: Russell | March 12, 2008 08:32 PM
...and that's how babies are made!
Posted by: kruddles | March 12, 2008 08:19 PM
"Whaddya mean beer is what's makin' me fat?"
"Indeed, good sir. I can thusly prove it by empirical means and proper scientific data."
"Getdafuckouttahere."
"I jest not, my good man."
Posted by: the Gimp | March 12, 2008 06:59 PM
" Yo Biotch " this anit no
PBR. " Sorry Baby!
Posted by: Joe | March 12, 2008 05:52 PM
Well Loudass, normally, black IS a slimming color. You need a little more help tho- try accessorizing with a nice scarf- see how it works for me?"
Posted by: Rob (bigger than Loudass) | March 12, 2008 05:07 PM
"...yea, and she's STILL in the coma!"
Posted by: colin | March 12, 2008 03:23 PM
And with one swift move Obama took the lead and Hillary's heart.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 12, 2008 03:16 PM
Did you see the tits on that bike cop?
Not only have I seen the tits on that bike cop, I've tasted them..
and it was like sweet bacon,
I'll toast to that..
cheers..
i'm hungy, lets go get a taco
Posted by: cvo | March 12, 2008 03:12 PM
"Now let's go get us some womens!"
Posted by: Chris | March 12, 2008 01:06 PM
Yup, my yellow butt plug works great as a seat.
Posted by: kyle | March 12, 2008 11:53 AM
"and you said your vest wouldn't fit me"
Posted by: Sean Hurl | March 12, 2008 11:49 AM
i think truth fuggin' nailed it!
Posted by: brado1 | March 12, 2008 11:47 AM
"Have you ever given a foot massage?"
"Don't be tellin' me about foot massages. I'm the foot fuckin' master."
Posted by: truth | March 12, 2008 10:09 AM
"it didn't taste like GHB..."
Posted by: Rusty Sanchez | March 12, 2008 09:26 AM
"and so I said, screw the contract, I just want my wife back!"
Posted by: Mark | March 12, 2008 09:20 AM
Ebony and Ivory? Nope; More like Savwafair and Buttermilk.
Posted by: cary | March 12, 2008 09:02 AM
Lando:[greeting "old friend" Han Solo] Why, you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler. What have you done to my ship?
Han Solo: YOUR ship? Hey, remember you lost her to me, fair and square.
Posted by: HELLBELLY | March 12, 2008 08:51 AM
"You mean if I drink this I'll finally grow facial hair?"
"You bet your sweet ass it will."
Posted by: King George | March 12, 2008 08:39 AM
"you sure do have a pretty mouth."
"aww thanks..."
Posted by: scott | March 12, 2008 08:29 AM
"...and so I put the dog in the fishtank."
Posted by: Matt | March 12, 2008 07:54 AM