How to Avoid the Bummer Life: NEWS FLASH

Bicycle Retailer- The multinational corporation known as Swobo has done what bicycle messengers nationwide are referring to as the unthinkable. They have gotten the term "bicycle messenger" copywritten so that as of January 1 2008 no one will have use of the aforementioned without the express written consent of Swobo Inc. LLC.

Westword reports on the dissent;

"Whereas ten years ago bike messengers formed a subculture unto themselves — one looked poorly upon by mainstream America, when looked upon at all — the scene is now considered almost hip. Bike-messenger fashion has gone mainstream, and large companies have realized they can make a buck off it.

"That Swobo race was patterned after one of our alleycats," Marcus explains, referring to timed messenger races in which participants are given a delivery, make the drop and then sprint back to a home base for their next route. "That's nice that they have interest in our world — that's cool. But it was a really cheesy affair. It was them trying to legitimize their race through us."
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The names of the activities bicycle messengers routinely engage in are 'footdown' (which is also commonly known as a 'derby'), and alleycat races, all three of which have been copywritten by Swobo Inc. LLC as well, with their soon to be launched 'Derby Brand® U-locks', 'Footdown Brand® key leashes' and 'Alleycat Brand® radio holsters' with the catchy slogan
"Just like the ones used by real messengers!"©

Despite the outcry from the bicycle messenger© community, with the expected annual net earnings projected to be in the billions, 2008 is posed to be Swobos biggest year yet."

Comments

Bicycle Messenger.
I SAID BICYCLE MESSENGER.

DID YOU HEAR ME???

I -- SAID --

bicycle messenger.

I await the avalanche of lawsuits.

Posted by: Darren | January 15, 2008 11:36 AM

If you guys don't know swobo sponsored the godspeed race series, giving away oddles of wool and a sanchez set, chuck norris and K.B. (K. Bacon) not only won the race but donated the prizes to actual "Bike Messengers" Thanks to tim parr and everyone at swobo.
Billy
Godspeed

Posted by: Billy | January 13, 2008 12:23 AM

SWOBO can use this if they get permission from Chuck Norris, who is The Man. Chuck Norris trademarked every word in the dictionary and trademarked "trademark." Good luck fighting The Man Chuck Norris. You'll be dead and he'll kick your ass again so you don't come back to life. Don't try to be The Man, man.

Posted by: DD | January 10, 2008 04:17 AM

Nah, couldn't happen. Kevin Bacon owns the copyright to all those terms already. In fact, he also owns the patent on the beret too. He was first.

Posted by: Kev | January 8, 2008 12:52 AM

I would feel better about all of this if SWOBO would just give their clothes away. That would truly be sticking it to the man. I hate that guy.
I am currently working on copyrighting the term "skin watch" so be prepared to call it the ball sack around the wrist watch.

Posted by: Sean Hurl | December 31, 2007 04:47 PM

Swobo is a good example of what is wrong with messenger culture today.

They start out attempting to convince us that they are sticking it to the man and before we know it, we find out THEY are The Man.

Oh, the humanity.

Posted by: Flaco | December 31, 2007 05:25 AM

I'm glad Swobo is finally on the "program". You gotta do what you gotta do. Just last week one of our customers was almost on to me- when I explained to him why we replaced one of his shift cables, he raised an eyebrow, but bought it- hook, line & sinker. It's being that merciless that allows us shop guys to drive pimped out RS4s (we still rock spinners in Boulder...)

Posted by: Sean Bragstad | December 30, 2007 10:47 PM

Swobro... I think their names are copyrighted in terms of useage: Like if you have a radio holster, you cannot call it the "alleycat", etc.

Vanderkitten needs to make some men's shit, then we'll have some good-looking gear to go with their good-looking girls... and WAY more stylish.

They sponsored the National Cycle Courier Championships in SF, Swobo did not. They didn't blow it up and make a big deal like "look at us all messengery"... I thought that was pretty cool... they are swell.

Posted by: Yaddygaskar | December 30, 2007 03:21 PM

only sissies haven't sold their souls yet

Posted by: vanderpoop | December 29, 2007 10:37 PM

Im pissing my pants with laughter..
And they say people in Denver have no sense of humor.
That obviously is not true.

Posted by: Khristopher Wrawkin | December 29, 2007 10:11 PM

Hahaha. Holy shit those quotes are the best. I just heard the Mash SF dudes have bought all rights to the wheelie. I hope you guys bought the rights to all those words cause instead of bikes you muthafukaz can roll in boats...big ass boats.

Posted by: Crza | December 29, 2007 08:15 AM

That's a pretty disappointing quote. The Denver messengers have no appreciation what-so-ever. The Swobo race offered a Sanchez BIKE to the winner, offered 1/2 price entries to members of the Denver Bike Messengers Association, AND the whole thing benefited Bike Denver.
The writer of the article has no idea who Swobo is and if they did, I'm sure they would not think Swobo is trying to capitalize on the messenger scene. Swobo IS the bike messenger scene.

Posted by: Josh Kravetz | December 28, 2007 11:43 PM

Neal Stephenson called one "The Deliverist." I always thought that was a good, dramatic word. Of course, that as a pizza boy that used a car, but that was the gag.

Posted by: JIM | December 28, 2007 11:21 PM

Bicycle Deliverer?
Bike Deliverer?
Messenger By Bicycle?
Messenger Via Bicycle?

You really have to lock it ALL down Swobo, otherwise that money is going to go to some other company who had the foresight to lock down different word variations of the same thing...come on, I thought you would know this by now!

Posted by: A | December 28, 2007 06:22 AM

So if Hot Topix is not Punk Rock what would that make "How to Avoid a Bummer Life". I need to know these things!

Posted by: Jester | December 28, 2007 05:16 AM

is it april 1st already?

Posted by: dirtybiker | December 28, 2007 02:02 AM

This sounds like the Cannondale "Free Ride" debacle of the '90's. Now we have "Fro Ride", which is the real way to drop big on the mountain!

Soon those who are in the know of Bicycle Messengers will have to come up with alternate names like "Bike Messenger" dropping the 'Bicycle' from the name, thereby freeing them from this copy-written mayhem, maybe they could even use "Cycle Messenger"? Once this happens, we will all know that to be a true non-conformer, you will have to conform to something.

Posted by: Daniel | December 28, 2007 01:42 AM

You Dick!!

Posted by: JP | December 28, 2007 01:11 AM

Swobo is the Hot Topix of the cycling world.

Posted by: billy Obvious | December 27, 2007 11:57 PM

Sweet! This sounds like a perfect post for VelOnion. Hopefully you did not take any offense to my joke on OV's site.

Posted by: Karl Rover | December 27, 2007 11:13 PM

Interesting. Yet no comment from the company/poster...

Posted by: Soultrain | December 27, 2007 10:03 PM

Denver Professional Bike Messengers Association or (NAMBLA)

Posted by: cary | December 27, 2007 09:21 PM

Hey guys... It's not April yet.