Not that the haze has lifted, nor will it for a few days...
..but we thought it only fair to at least treat you to a 'what I did on my summer vacation' type of show report.
While the professional side of things is obviously important to running a business, and I accept this without question, a near equal focus of any trip away from home, especially one to a place where all of your friends converge is to ensue in the hijinx.
Which we did in spades.
Of course there was the dirt demo which is where most of the trouble always starts, but we were working, so that youll have to brush up on somewhere else, however there was a full blown UCI cross race with all your favorite superstars in attendance which we showed up to and passed on some dollar primes and liquid refreshment.
Jeremy from American Classic caught this brief miscalculation in dollar placement on film with the deftness of a Pulitzer Prize winner. Appropriately, were pretty sure he was riding for Tonic Fabrications which means he doesnt have any cooties I dont already have and vice versa.
Not only was Big Daves likeness in attendance at our booth, but the man in the flesh was as well. Pat Smith wondered through the booth one day and said dryly, "oh thats Big Dave on that banner? I was wondering why you had a picture of Marvin Gaye up here."
And actually, you know whats really sweet about that shot? The back of the chair makes a perfect what? Thats right- a perfect mustache for our hero.
With 685s blessing, The Sock Guy has begun limited production of the Pentabike sock which will be available through select channels. Email them to get the skinny.
Sean from Soulcraft loaned me his wig, which I promptly lost.
Anybody find a wig laying around, his daddy misses it terribly.
Young Randy Jr. took time out of his busy, busy schedule to come by and show us what it looks like when you drop acid in space.
New daddy Squid, the ambassador for bike messengers world wide rolled through to catch up for a while. Between his appearances on Ellen and what not, its always nice to touch base with our boy.
Here Sky explains to an eager audience that "the hotdog I ate was like, this big."
Anyhow, after a hard days work, we went to the bar and saw a sometimes topless hulahoop girl,
we saw Geno the stunt double and Brad go toe to toe in the Gold Sprints,
We saw DWP rapping and Jessica not buying it.
Back in the salt mines, we saw Hoss whispering sweet nothings to an energy bar,
we saw Holt seeing us seeing him,
we were scolded,
we just said no to crack, but Ill be damned if I didnt really want to put a pencil in there or something..
we were once again reminded why Big dave isnt one youd take home to mother,
Flavio dropped by to serenade us and remind us why hes the Luciano Pavarotti of the bike biz,
and finally, at the end of the show, Richey Redhot came by to prove that hes not to be contended with when it comes to laying down a fat skid anywhere he pleases.
So there you have it folks. A nearly complete rundown of the show this year, with the exception of the following;
1) Carbon fiber comes in every form imaginable.
2) Urban bike lines are going to be made by everybody within three years.
3) Lots more women are involved in the biz or in the culture in general, cause the show used to be retardedly male dominated, and now its evening out a bit.
4) Fuji is now making the appropriately named 'Obey' fixed gear.
5) The upcoming Swobo stuff is so badass, 'badass' should be embroidered on all of it.
6) Corporate giants still dont appreciate it when you place stickers on their bikes with bad words printed on them.
The show was, for all intents and purposes, a resounding success.
We slapped hands with old friends as well as new, ate some tasty, tasty food, drank some drinks and waxed poetically about every single aspect of how damn cool bicycles are.
The final day of the show was a marathon 17 hour long day, and though we were happy to see the sun and bid a fond farewell to Las Vegas, El Corpo was provided to a 7 hour delay on his return flight and I was treated to a real live version of the saying "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas", as technically my luggage happened in Vegas, and sure as shootin', my luggage stayed in Vegas.
More reports as the days get less hazy.
We do however want to give a most heatfelt thanks to everyone who came by and offered their congratulations on the return of the little company who could, and is again.
Just between you and me, I think were gonna be friends for a long time.
Our bodies and minds are poisoned, but our hearts are still pure.
No photos on account of all of Las Vegas seems to be in a technological quandry, but rest assured, if you can imagine good friends, stupid amounts of alcohol, beautiful women throwing their affections at us, and a trade show booth that is packed from morn till night, thats kinda how where rolling right now.
With the exception of the beautiful women part.
Its gonna be a little while till we see one another again.
Thats right- Were going away to the pit of the West. Well try to find a computer to fill you all in on the highs and lows of the International Bicycle trade show. Until then, heres some goods for you to ponder.
First off, this here is Dennis and he rules.
He might not fit the description of a died-in-the-wool bike racer, but this man has more tenacity in his little finger then most folks have in their whole being.
Anyhow, young Hightower and I made our way to San Francisco's Golden Gate Park to partake in this, the thirteenth annual Cross Dress series finals and it was a sight to behold. The debacle started out with a lemans style start in which a few hapless souls steeds were moved around to, you know, keep the jocks on their toes and what not.
So there was, what? 150 people racing?
Understand folks, that this is strictly a word of mouth outlaw style event. 150 people showing up to one of these now in comparison to the 40 or fewer I remember in the old days is testament that cross is picking up speed. All the rest of the proof you need is here, though the following photo of The Breather shot by Pamela Palma sums the general mentality of the series up fairly succinctly.
Kathleen won the womens title, and Cam the kid won the mens.
Afterwards, we meandered over to the San Francisco Film Festival to cross paths with friends and to get another gander of Vernors film.
Papa Joe, the man responsible for the infamous DFL 'team' sat behind me in the theatre and just as I snapped this shot was saying, "so help me god, if you make a peep during the movie, Im gonna break your fingers with a ball peen hammer."
By the way, at some point during the evening, I finally put the finishing touches on whats going to be the award winning pickup line at the next moustache party.
However, to hear it, youll have to go.
Standing outside the theatre were three of Da Trunk Boiz who have achieved acclaim with their hit 'Scraper Bike'. We slapped hands and I extended a whole bunch of appreciation for their contribution.
Ill put it here again just cause its cool and so were they.
Apparently none of us got the memo that a mandatory fashion accessory for this years festival was a high slung messenger bag that without exception needed to be worn at all times.
Its 11:30 on a Saturday night, youre at the bar, you MUST be wearing a bag. A call might come in that someone needs something delivered, and you can be the hero that will snap to action.
Sheesh.
We capped the evening at a dive bar where Brad the Breather made all of the folks sitting around us flee by drinking his beer from the finger of a rubber glove held above his head much like a baby cow might nurse.
The vision is forever burned into my psyche, and if I didnt know him, I would have gotten the hell away from us as well.
We finished the weekend with a mountain bike ride in a hollow attempt at evacuating some of the poisons from our system which was just fruitless.
However, we did go by Mojo Cycles in the morning... If you find yourselves ever in San Francisco's Western Addition neighborhood, absolutely take a peek at this joint.
That place is awesome..
Up now, we have a word from Matt. He writes;
"Hey Steve-O,
Have you seen these two yet?
Makes me want to cut my hands off so I can never butcher a musical instrument again...but that would mean no 'me-time' every again either....hmmmmmm....a difficult decision for sure.
Now for a dose of art that doesnt suck.
-Reminds me of that Neil Gaiman book 'Cages' where the crazy guy operates on books to find their souls. I suspect that if the books souls could be extracted, theyd look a little bit like this.
Ok now, would you all do us a favor while were away? Stay out of trouble, arrive alive, play with your cats, dogs or kids, ride your bike, and remember to not take life too damn seriously.
We like you guys. We really do.
This here is a shot of Dan, looking fetching as always at the third installment of the DFL cross dress series. Even though the wind was blowing a gale, and it was brutally cold, it didnt stop Dan from showing off the gams or Paws from documenting the mess.
And speaking of cold, word has it that Cams Orange Hunter sprouted legs and wondered off last night.
Anyone out there spys a 60 cm orange Hunter, give a shout, wont you?
*News flash* Cams bike was found beneath a ner-do-well today. When asked if it was his, he answered "its my cousins". When asked what his cousins name was, he replied "Iunknow" (Thats short for 'I-dont-know'.)
Anyway, as always Scottys pictures of the whole train wreck thus far can be peeped here.
..and while were on the topic of no-armed rednecks, The Kentuckese have got a ho down coming up in which one can throw down, should they choose.
Do you like moustaches like we like moustaches?
Nobody likes moustaches like these guys like moustaches.
Ready for the Friday Hero? This here beast goes by the name of Driver 8. When he snaps food from you hand, his eyes roll back into his head like those of a shark. Anyhow, my initial thought was to make Drivers bad hole the Friday Hero this week, cause seriously, the thing is like the size of a pie pan. Its really something to behold, but I figured that since this is kind of a family oriented site, that Id leave that for another day.
Everybody, meet Driver. Driver, this is everybody....
Oh, and for a corporate plug, with my own naked eyes I took a long, hard look at a bunch of new Swobo stuff today. Somebody better call the doctor cause its sssiiiiccckkkk.
Now then, its with much dismay that I mention today marks the date of innocence lost for me. Its a black Friday indeed, as I just walked in the door with a cell phone. Its a slippery slope to the dark side here folks. Pretty soon Ill loose it and shortly there after all of the pictures of Paris and me partying naked at the Viper Room will surface and my life will be in ruins.
Im your soothsayer of doom.
Sexy, naked doom.
Kickstand sent this photo of Adam Craig at the SSWC from Cycling News taken by Matt Ferrari (did we include everybody?)
on account of the Swobo shirt snuck in the back there.
...Sneaking in the back.. Thats just how we roll.
And then Matthew graced us with a vid;
"Here is some pretty good claymation, and a nice song to go along with it.
A break dancing robot? Sure, why the hell not.
The Bicycle Film Festival has finally pulled up stakes in Minneapolis and is on its way to the Bay Area. At 5:00 this coming Saturday (after the DFL finals, dont you know), Brian Vernor of 'Pure Sweet Hell' fame will be debuting his newest offering 'We Just Work Here' for an enthusiastic audience of ner-do-wells.
Now, its with dismay that I announce for the first time in my life I will be turning 37 years old tomorrow. These days my body hurts just getting out of bed, however the fact that my date of birth happens to land on the always anticipated International Talk Like a Pirate Day makes everything a little bit better. Hell, it seems almost natural that I walk everywhere with a limp and a squint..
And who should drop by as were talking about talking like pirates?....
Obviously, Hawk.
He writes;
"I went to the beach last weekend. I won.
Get Killer,
Hawk."
If by saying "I won" Hawk meant " I just gave the entire internet a boner", then he is absolutely correct.
Finally in regards to the Helter Belter event Landon (Calrissian) and his crew from Tonic Fabrications put on last weekend, He writes;
"Thanks for posting notice.
Sum up the Helter Belter...
Lord of the Flies if the kids where nice to each other and liked jumping their bikes?
Crazy / Good times and nobody got (badly) hurt.
Cheers,
-L"
All of that looks like the good old fashion fun that could absolutely cripple a geriatric individual like myself.
Its time I start refering to myself in the third person.
In a little over a year of plodding along with this here communication device, Ive just achieved notoriety with my first ever full-fledged groupie. Well just call her 'Bug', and rumor has it she loves me.
'Stevils thirsty, so Stevils gonna celebrate with a beer now.'
Yeah, I like the sound of that.
George sent some more mile-high flimm-flahzim our way;
"dudes,
Does it get any better than watching your bro
(Craig Etheridge who happens to be NACC 2nd place
american, 1st fixed and 4th overall. polka dot rocker
king of the mountains (seattle) and one hell of a
decent dude), freak out on the trail and throw the
bike into a massive rock field during a "mellow" ride?
it time for "Aspen Extreme," top gun on the slopes,
things turned white up high the other morning and a
cool feeling is in the air here. "you know how to make
a tequila slammer?", dexter rutecki. "uh..yeah, I went
to high school"
At the Cody, Wyoming skate park last spring my bro
willy and I are playing skate, a young kid comes up
and asks, "why can't you land it repeatedly?" to which
Willy replies, "are you riding a purple bike?" and I
add, "dude is that a girl's bike?" the kid immed
leaves and then wrecks right over the edge into the
deep end. the ending couldn't have been much happier!
who knows this quote, maybe you'll get something
awesome for the answer? shouldn't be too hard.
"And the whole things fucking roaring right?! Pushing
you forward like you're a hood ornament on a freight
train train or something. And your balls man, your
balls are about this big!"
haul,
george"
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Now we cant take credit for the re-establishment of the moustache as a statement of high fashion, but I will go on record to say that we were plugging the aesthetic of the cock broom long before the fledgling New York City hipsters got ahold of the notion, let alone were able to grow one themselves.
Its with great pride that I announce yet another celebration of the hip lip.
"Il Giro de Moustache"...
Stephenwolf writes;
"is 'the moustache ride' translated from english to italian.
when you translate 'the moustache ride' from italian to english it means 'the moustache it laughs'.
i need to start passing off more english as italian.
anyways, just lettin everyone know were putting the finishing touches on the 'moustache ride' details and will be disclosing them directly.
god help us if someone puts an eye out.
luv, stephenwolf"
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Im gonna take a second and slide way off point here-
Do any of you all remember this cover on the album 'Diary' by Sunny Day Real Estate?
As much as I appreciated that band, I really was always taken with the visuals included in their records.
Earlier this year, it was disclosed to me that this painting (which I believe was done by a man named Christopher Thompson) is actually owned by a fella name of Jimmy Mac who lives down in the Southern part of the left coast somewhere.
If you ask me, which I trust you wouldnt, J.M.s got some pretty spanky taste in art.
Its nether here nor there, But Im very glad theres some bands still floating around who understand the importance of the visual capabilities of an album as well as the obvious auditory offerings.
Like Big Black once said about their very limited acid etched metal box containing the first pressing of 'Headache'- "you might think the music sucks, but at least you get a cool package out of the deal.."
Ok, enough of this.. On to even more moustache stuff from Patrick;
"Howdy.
A couple of us at the Car Resistance Action Party, or CRAP, are bummer life readers. Our website is AZCRAp(dot)org. I'm not sure if any of us own yer clothing or not, but we like our wool socks, single speeds, and like stuffage. More importantly, we like riding. We've had a weekly bike ride out of tempe, arizona for little under a year now, and its growing.
We're having our first bar hop in a week. I'm not sure if you can come. But we'd love any spreading of info. A link to the image for our flyer is here :
Anyways, thanks for reading this shpiel. Keep up the good work!
Patrick Leahy"
Now from the CRAP to the creep.
Feast your eyes on what has to be the best, worst thing on the interweb. Marry Our Daughter(dot)org.
If thats the best way out of the trailer park, then Id have to choose to stay in.
But you know, Im just that kind of stand up guy who probably wouldnt consider selling my fifteen year old daughter.
A few years ago, JMac and I drank beer from some bottles and watched this whole film at a bar. Pure mastery.
Finally, the San Francisco Bicycle Messenger Association is throwing an alley cat race to benefit themselves as well as The Erotic Providers Service Union.
More information about the goods can be found here.
My eyes are burning and my livers churning. We hope yall had a good weekend and such.
The Bummer Lifes like an issue of 'Us Weekly' but with fewer beautiful people.
Loudass sent a report on about the second DFL cyclocross dress race;
"Less douchebags with matching bikes than #1, though many were still present. That jock guy won again, followed closely by Cameron. I was dfl, as Sasha was unable to attend due to a yeast infection. Broken malt liquor bottles and a rough course, coupled with a pathetic lack of will among otherwise tough riders led to a very high attrition rate. Brad was not terribly drunk, Eric Zo was dressed like a Ninja, and a bunch of Mexican teenagers were laughing at grown white guys riding bikes in dresses. Steve Smith was not present because he hates us.
Bee [taking bike out of back of my truck]: Oh man, this bike smells like dog shit!
Me: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Brue: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"
More of Skottys Photos of this fiasco can be found here.
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Now we bolt deftly from news of the belligerent to news of the sad. Chi-Towns number one son Newt writes;
"Hey Stevil..
I've noticed in HTA the Bummer Life you document
the occasional story of an injured friend or worse a lost one
well.....the team I race with in Chicago ..XXXracing
has had the painfully horrible and almost bizzare badluck of losing two
racers this year to horrific racing accidents,
my friend Pieter on tuesday and Beth at the end of June..both of these
people were incredible
human beings..and the midwest racing scene is deeply effected and is in need
of some help healing....me included
I think an affirmation of the gift we have and its fragility is
important....
As I told Newt, sometimes part of avoiding the bummer life is to face it head on. Again, out hearts go out to the friends, and the families of Beth and Pieter.
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Now then, sometimes I want to ride bike, but I also want to drink in a bar. Well today we got an email from Project: Apocalypse about an upcoming event at which I can do both at the same time.
"Hello!
I am writing to invite everyone with SWOBO to Rock and Roller Racing Vegas, a GoldsprintsNYC event at the Double Down Saloon on Wednesday, September 26, at 9pm in Las Vegas, NV.
What could be better than bicycle racing? Bicycling racing and boozing! GoldsprintsNYC is a heart pounding, lung busting stationary roller racing party. The races are c alibrated to an animated display and projected for the rowdy crowd to cheer you (or your opponent) on to victory.
Kicking off the official first day of the Interbike2007 convention, Get Sum Entertainment invite s you to cast off the formalities of the convention floor, tie one on and take one of the GoldsprintsNYC bikes for a "spin" around the bar. Don't worry, no matter how fast you pedal or how much you drink, you'll make it to the end of the round the bikes aren't going anywhere (that's your head that's spinning!).
Between races enjoy Alleycat race videos from Play In Traffic Productions!"
And there I was thinking I couldnt possibly sweat any more at the Double Down then I already have.
Up next, my old partner in filling bags and burning tags writes;
"The subject really says it all. A Web show about Horror Movies and Metal. 'Death and Metal'.
So there.
Jesse"
Anybody out there like painting pictures on walls? If your ears just perked up, then by all means take a look at Up Against It(dot)com.
Id do it, but I only paint pictures of people painting pictures on walls. I just never do them on walls.
That my friends, is Post Modernism.
Lastly, for your edification, word has it that Yeagermeister and El Corpo have had their noses pressed so hard against the grind stone coming up with a whole slew of new Swobo goodies to unveil in Vegas that they now actually both resemble this guy.
You know, but with better teeth, and no stubble. Rest assured, the goods that theyve come up with are gonna make you think twice about ever riding your busted whip around naked again.
Oh hell. It just occurred to me that its Friday, and theres not a Friday Hero in sight.
How about this guy?
That video right there folks, is what I base my entire life aesthetic on. People in Speedos falling down into piles of flower.
Pure gold.
Now well have 'A Day in The Life of a Folsom' part duex from Scotty.
"Took this pic of my Folsom in front of the BK bridge. I liked it and thought you guys might as well.
Have a good one
Scott
scottyb.tv"
Its nice to see the good old Folsom is getting more quality travel time than I see.
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Shawn the Hobo Girl dropped her cut and past, home-made style SSWC report on us. She writes;
"So, two years in a row I ride this lovely course. At first I thought the Scottish hated us, but then I realized it was tuff love and I grew to love this course and that was not just because I met up with the British ladies I rode with last year who supplied me with energy drink, half of a bottle of whiskey, which we finished and then also introduced me to the boy who I made out with the previous night; this led to the second year of me making out with someone on the trail during Worlds. I think I have a good track record for that though. I heart Scrumpy Jack, cider in a two liter bottle. I guess a few bars in Glasgow wouldn’t let our motley crew in, but I wouldn’t want to travel with anyone else now. I had the best crew to travel with! We drank Scottish Memosas in the morning/early afternoon and went riding and then got home a quarter to hell each night/morning. (One of the crew coined the phrase quarter to hell and I think he was a genius for it, but I thought he was a genius before.
The best was when DJ led a ride and we ended going up someone’s driveway. I will follow that guy anywhere because it is always fun. We found our way to a wee pub so I guess we found the right way round the round abouts.
I guess I made out with some guy in the 7-11 in the crisp isle, but my crew has yet to produce these photos and I don’t remember it. Oh, well, they tell me he was cute and Scottish. I hear the UK.
Next year it is in yer country-close too. Watch out I am gonna bring my posse of girls and we can drink you outta house and home and will ride or fall off anything trail you bring us too.
Luv, xxoo Hobo Nutter Butter luv"
So there you go. Its almost like we were there in the flesh.
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Bob the world traveler sent this on;
"Yo Stevil,
In the spirit of the good ole USofA why get the itty bitty Kona when you can have one of these. The double downtube and top tube is badass.
I'm in India for a month for work. The bummer life is keeping me connected.
- bob"
Years and years ago, Eric Zo had organized an impromptu fixed gear race around a running track in San Francisco, and our friend Peter Haakon Thompson crashed and broke his collar bone. To get to the hospital, Eric offered to give Pete a ride in a very similar whip as displayed in the photo from Bob.
If memory serves, Pete graciously declined.
AK sent this on about the one I affectionately know as 'The Joan Jett of mountain biking', and her devastating injuries received at the Jeep King of the Mountain finale in Beaver Creek Colorado at the start of September.
Go by and send her some virtual love. The girl is tough as nails, and we have every confidence that shell be whooping ass again in no time.
* photo by Roman Roth
And while on the topic of ladies, some Southern Belles got more haps in Hotlanta. The full scoop is over at Atlanta Girls on Bikes.
'Clitoral Mass'. I love it.
Welp, due to sickness, injury, and scheduling conflict, the DFL cross dress #2 has again come and gone with nary a sight of a Swobite to be had.
Listen closely... The heart, shes a'breaking....
Now it wouldnt be right for today to come and go without some mention of the tragedy that befell our union six years ago.
Im a conspiracy nut, so you dont want to hear my take on it, but let us just say that our hearts and our heads are wrapped up tight around the victims, their families, and the brave men and women who labored to clean up the mess afterwords.
Well start Monday off with a clip from Adelle.
She knows us like the back of her own hand.
Against all better judgement, I recently watched the Metallica documentary 'Some Kind of Monster' for the second time and was inspired to dig up a review I penned for said flick some time ago.
Like NWA says,
'and it goes a little somethin' like this, hit it!'
MOVIE REVIEW TIME.
Now call me crazy, but I don’t think Metallica has been very good for some time, so I don’t know why I was drawn to see this movie. I guess because its human nature to try and sneak a peak while passing a car crash, which is exactly what this movie resembles.
All of the reviews Ive read of their new album “St. Anger” were absolute shit, so why then, was everyone falling all over themselves touting what a triumph it was that ‘Metallica persevered against their inner demons, and the turmoil of their relationships with one another to create another record, bla bla, bla’.
So its widely known that these men have had their bouts with alcoholism, and drug abuse, lost dear friend and founding member Cliff Burton in a tragic accident, and have generally had a pretty rocky road to becoming the biggest metal band on the planet. But apparently whats not so obvious to anyone but me, is that since the record label was unable to ply them with booze, whores, or drugs, they did what would come naturally.. they got them addicted to therapy. Not just regular therapy, mind you, but 45,000 dollar a month therapy, simply so they could squeeze one more album out of these poor saps.
Was I the only one who could see producer Bob Rock dropping the crumbs along for them to follow, while wearing expensive designer skull sweaters? Was I the only one who saw the absurdity of Lars Ulrichs swearing, ‘come on bitch, come on bitch’ urging the price of his original John Michael Basquiat paintings price to creep up to three million dollars, from the observation booth at a Christys auction house, while sipping champagne? Was I the only one who saw everyone, including their high priced mediator, completely disregard Kirk Hammetts exclamation that no one in the entire existence of the band takes anything he says into consideration, and basically ignores him? I wont begin to discuss that the only sensible interviews with anyone in the film was Lars father who told them the last record sucked, or former bassist Jason Newsteads insights on being let go from the band.
Arguably the most laughable scene in the movie was the therapists Dr. Phil-esque discourse between James Hetfield, and former guitarist Dave Mustaine, during which Dave is crying, “you don’t know what its like to be the second biggest metal band in the world!” Hey Dave, I don’t know what its like to be in the one millionth biggest metal band in the world. Cry me a river.
Christ, if this isnt a case of the kings new clothes, then I don’t know what is. I swear to god, Cliff has turned in his grave so many times by now, hes drilled his way to China.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
Now then, somebody's birthdays coming up. (mine) I think I know what somebody (me) would like for his birthday. (this)
please keep doin' yer part to subvert the masses too.
thanks yo,
djonnymac, Kitten Master, BKB member, bike rider, bike lover"
-Youre welcome, the only person who calls me Steve is my mom when Im in trouble, and I cant think of a more wonderful factory to work in than a kitten factory.
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Now I gotta give the kids at Tonic Fabrications a big old 'awe crap' on account of I got this notification a day too late.
Greetings From Tonic Fab Global HQ.
The Helter Belter goes down this week-end. About 20 minutes North of Portland.
Starts at noon on Sunday to give everyone time to get down. Or ride the Battleground Skatepark in the morning.
Some Belter Details
Why: This is a way for us to get our friends together and say thanks for the support.
What: Dirt jumps and dirt bowl. Something for everyone.
Bring:
-Respect for the property. If you leave trash around, I'm going to be the one picking it up.
-A Helmet
-We'll supply food and drinks (BBQ.) I honestly don't know how many people will turn-up,so bringing a little extra for yourself would be smart.
-Car Pool if possible. It's more fun, and parking might be tight.
Where:
1. Take exit # 21- Highway 503, Woodland, Cougar
2. for south bound peeps take a left off the exit followed by a right turn onto the first road which is CC road.
for northbound people you take a hard right 180 off the ramp onto the same road.
3. Go over a bridge and stay left onto Hayes road for 10.7 miles.
4. Take a right onto Good Night road for 1.5 miles.
5. take a left onto 410th street private drive.
6. make fun of the sad looking horse on your left.
7. stop at double wide trailer home with dirt jumps and a bunch of broken down cars in the front yard.
8. GET YOUR SHRED ON!
Send the scoop on this, wont you? Inquiring minds want to know.
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Speaking of which, The Hobo Girl wrote to us with a report on the Single Speed Worlds, but I still have no photos, so well have to wait on it for a while.
The long and the short of it for now is, a pro won, a bunch of non-pros didnt, and everyone got liquored to the gills.
So what else is new?
Did your weekend find you getting into what my weekend found me getting into? Wake up at the crack of 10, ride for a few hours, come home and nap...
Im still a far better napper then I ever was a cyclist, but you gotta go with what you know, you know?
What the hell- well leave you with this gem.
And no- I wont give you 3 minutes and 46 seconds of your life back.. You learned something didnt you? Then it was time well spent.
As long as youre finished burning time here, why not take a second to visit a real live Trackosaurus Rex?
Happy Monday and all that rot...
Hey there Portland-ites. As were sure you know, The Bicycle Film Festival will be in your fine city this weekend. Go there, watch some movies about bikes, shake hands with the individual formerly known as 'the bearded one', check his flick, and eat some popcorn.
Can you dig it? I knew you could.
Skotty Paws took some shots of the DFL cross dress season opener. This one pretty much defines the whole shibang.
Hippy Bongstocking doing his thang.
In my inbox yesterday was an email titled 'guns, no way ray?'
I had a sneaking suspicion it was George.
He writes;
"brosefs
I hope all is well in swellbo country. Many things
have transpired in the past weeks in georgeville. a
little deer creek and dr park in crested butte after
Jim Beam nights with the yeti boys. talk to a friend
(Alex) who reminds you that whenever we come to town
we fight over who gets to sleep in his bed with him,
weird but fun, what? did a little rock shredding and
watched a pal take a 15-20ft whipper into the wall
solely on his ass.
Give it up for my stoner bro Alex for taking down 4th
in B's in the Seattle season CX opener, for Road34(dot)com
of course.
and sometimes it nice to have a little break from the
bike and do something else awesome like my pretty
bird's lil bro's 21st.
The words fall from his tongue like water.
We have to admit however, Alexs bed does look pretty comfy.
Why dont you take a second to peruse one of our favorite painters with our 'art that doesnt suck' segment, Mr. Michael Hussar.
Were not sure what this is about, but based on the graphics alone, if you live in the big city wed say it warrants some further investigation.
In place of a photo of a Friday Hero this week, I have a story about one.
Today at lunch I saw a tall man with a greying pony tail and round specticles, holding the hand of what I guessed to be his son- a 4 foot tall man of about 23 years of age, walking around him in circles, waving his hands in the air and saying 'aiiiingggggaaiiinnnggggaaaiiinngggg'. The most interesting thing about the young man however was two protruding flesh balls in place of where his eyeballs would normally sit. As they walked away from the counter, the young woman at the cash register said, 'bye Brandon' to which his father gently responded 'he doesnt talk'.
When my order arrived, I snatched it up, mounted my bike, and rode away smiling.
I spent a fair amount of time with my head spun around about Brandon wondering just what his reality was like, but at that very moment, we were both on the exact same page. We both love and rely on our fathers, we both were about to eat some good food, and we were both enjoying the day.
Brandons as good a Friday hero as any, I suspect.
Now call me shallow if you must, but there are a myriad of little reasons why I would never own a Trek. The following image being number one on the list.
Friday Hero honors for a year go to whichever DC bike mechanic can deftly apply a This Bike is a Pipe Bomb sticker to the monkeys whip.
Alright folks, bust out the tight pants and the disco balls. Its Friday...
Welcome to the future, moustaches, and bacon. Read on....
If this is the future, then well take yesterday, thank you very much.
Bill McCarrick takes amazing photographs, but as far as were concerned, this is the last photo hell ever need to take.
Moustaches and mountain biking are all well ever need. Oh, and some bacon. Well need some bacon too.
Scott writes in;
"If there is one way to avoid the bummer life this is it …
Why didn’t I think of this?
Scott"
I suspect youve never thought of this Scott because we have never spent enough quality time inspiring one another. Five minutes with me, and ideas like this will be falling out of your mouth like...um... uh.. like so many things that tend to fall out of ones mouth.
Then youll walk away with millions in your pocket, and Im left behind enjoying some bacon.
So a day or two ago I layed a new link on you to Suckapants(dot)com. Well, the power behind that site sent a few more of his links on. We generally dont like machines, but Tods the kind of machine that well spend forever with.
Do us a favor and enjoy these sites often, wont you?
You know, we here at The Bummer Life like enjoying stuff. Another thing we enjoy are blistering air guitar solos.
It is our absolute pleasure to introduce you to our vote for all time superstar, Hot Lixx Hulahan.
At this point in the day, the first of the DFLs annual cyclocross dress races is in the bag. How many reasons are there why I wasnt in attendance? How many stars are there in the sky? Ill make one of em, I suspect, but untill then, perhaps one of the deryls will honor us with an update.
What the hell is going on in this photo, you might ask?
Before too much more time slips through my fingers on this damn glowing box of porn and air guitar, I have to bid a fond farewell.
Its almost the end of another week, and that means more bikes, more beer, more sleeping in, more pork products, and more not working.
I like that combo a whole lot.
By the way, a veritable slew of us have just booked airline tickets for the Homey Fall Festival. What are you waiting for?
The big man did it. Its coming back to the cradle in Northern California. Ill bet those Canadian blokes who were climbing all over us at the Worlds in Downieville about us being the 'one speed illuminati' are possibly taking stock in those words. Truth be told, Im kinda curious how it could be happening three times in the same state, but its nether here nor there. The damage is done.
Our pals at No Brakes are having themselves another event. Its amazing how they can get any work done, what with all of the bike related hijinx and what not.
So, you know how Labor Day was yesterday and everything.. Well, if it wasnt for the graciousness of the lovely and talented Joie mentioning that I didnt have to go to work, I would have had a very lonely day in the salt mines.
Sometimes I feel pretty isolated with my head stuffed so far up the bad hole.
Now then, upon looking at this picture, a blind person could see that shes a lovely girl and all,
but what does it say about me that the hubs were the first thing I noticed?
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Two guys in Pittsburgh who dont sleep have just put Urban Velo Issue #3 to bed. As always, theyll have a few pulp issues available for those of us who like the old school form of zine reading.
Weve found a new favorite internet haunt. Suckapants(dot)com. We hope you like it too.
Lastly, El Cap-it-an Roger from Residue Comics hates us to the point that he felt compelled to send this to us today.
Thanks alot. Our eyes are still attempting to crawl away from our faces.
Alright then, happy Monday, er..uh..I mean Tuesday, everybody.
The Buzzard disproves the old adage, 'close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.'
I received a split lip, broken tooth and a destroyed camera for my photo-journalistic efforts.
For a while, it looks like Ill be enjoying my coffee through a straw.
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Also, for the public service announcement portion of this post, did you all know that if you click on the darkened, underlined portion of whats scribbled on these posts, that it takes you to another wonderful part of the internet? And then when you click on the little thing over there that says 'continue reading', that you will actually be treated (or subjected) to even more individual Bummer Life junk.
Its true, some folks apparently didnt know this...
My work here is done...Lets continue...
So anyway, I didnt really get hurt. The Buzzards throwing ringers like a white trash marksman. Oh, wait a minute... He is a white trash marksman.
As promised, heres another announcement of a blessed union.
Were still awaiting the marriage of Doug Booger and Alison Flicker.
Inspired by the Thriller wedding video, Parker got ahold of us with this.
"The wedding bit was good dude.
And I’m not real sure wtf this is all about.
But the Filipino Prison System has that wedding party beat.
Hands down. This is some f’n talent.
Thriller (But better)
-Parker (just some guy from nashville)"
This was another video that right around 15 billion people sent in as soon as it was released, so I assumed everyone had seen it, but you know what they say about assumptions. Theyll make an ass out of you.
Not me though. Just you.
Now it is with pride and dismay that I announce The DFLs 13th annual outlaw cross dress series.
We recieved alot of mail about this last year, folks wanting to get in on it and what not. Keep your eyes on the thrift stores, and when you see a steady stream of men with shaved legs buying up womens clothing, follow them. Youll ether end up at the race, or resigning from your post as Idaho's congressman. Last years recap # 1, last years recap # 2, last years recap # 3, and last years recap # 4.
The finals, which will forever be known to me as the 'fake seizure incident', will always hold a special place in my heart.
Now finally, despite the endless amount of grief Loudass has layed on us about the Myspace phenomenon, he apparently finally broke down and got in line with 80 million others.
Its our pride to present to you, our lawyer Loudass.
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