"The NACCC! Golly, what a NACCC! The North American Cycle Courier Championships wrapped up yesterday at the Hellyer Velodrome is San Jose, just south of the hub of the weekends activity in San Franfuckingcisco. The explosive bike messenger convergence has been capped for now, but the volatile gasses are still dissipating, hangovers still raging, and plenty of road rash is still oozing. Over three hundred racers and equally as many groupies descended on the city of fog and steep hills over the past four days. There was so much madness and debauchery, I can't claim to have witnessed even half of it; but here are some highlights of what I did see.

"The good: SF locals Kathleen and Mike blazed through the three hour main race--like it weren't no thang--to become the 2007 NACC Champions, both winning loads of schwag and tickets to the World Championships in Dublin. Two couriers from small town Santa Cruz, CA took the top places in the cargo race and probably should have offered to help the champs haul their winnings back home. A very cute girl on an orange Masi from somewhere east of the Mississippi turns out to be very, very fast; placed in the main race and won the sprint competition. People came out from all over the country and as far away as Japan and Australia. There was a rad playground with a cement slide right in the middle of the course and folks were using the leftover FedEx boxes to slide down it late Sunday. Apparently, the velodrome was a blast (there are lots of photos on Flickr). Sooooo much free beer all weekend long. And loads of beautiful, I mean stunning, mouth-watering bicycles: pristine NJS-stamped track bikes with matching accessories, beautiful vintage road  and 'cross bikes, a pretty Hunter single speed mountain bike and a handful of impressive cargo machines.

The Bad: A nice young man with a big smile took the DFL prize: a golden toilet seat and a BART ticket to Dublin, CA. About 300 people didn't qualify for the main race or win any side event but still had a blast. Despite at least 5 serious crashes on the race course and who knows how many late night-alcohol-related disasters on the way back home, no on went to the hospital. It was hot, there wasn't enough water, no one ate enough and even the straight edge vegan kids felt hung over.

The Ugly: Some kook from L.A. was belligerent literally all weekend long, being disrespectful of women and trying to start fights with  guys. A few good-natured drunks did the qualifier in the under pants, chones, and pink American Apparel butt-huggers, respectively. They got a lot of laughs and cheers, but it wasn't pretty. The aforementioned kook from L.A. participated in the skids naked; anyone have a spare stem pad? Some obnoxious guy was arrested at the velodrome yesterday. Very few people had a place to shower. We were just one stinky critical mass but the end. Which reminds me, a few assholes were hissing and booing as Critical Mass did ride by the opening party on Friday. No word on what they were thinking or why their mothers didn't teach them better. And as expected, it was a friggin' sausage festival; lady couriers outnumbered at  a rate of about 40 to one.

Well, that's all I remember anyway. Got to get me a shower, some vegetables, eight glasses of water and to confession. I'm sure there's plenty on youtube to keep ya'll amused until the formal results are posted.

&hearts
Victoria"

In regards to Kathleen taking first, its about time someone from The DFL stepped up and made a mark on the map for something other than being a complete derelict.
Speaking of which, among the responses I got to my request for a report on the event, Loudass offered this:

'Bee and I had a moderately obese woman show us her enormous breasts
while we were loitering outside the Parkside at 1:30 p.m. There are no
pictures. Except in my mind.'

Ok, next up from Dopers suck (dot) com.

'Pink is the new Black. They go great with any Giro d'Ialtia Leader's Jersey, especially the one from 2006 or a 1996 T-Mobile Team jersey.'

Now correct me if Im wrong, but if pink is the new black, then doesnt it stand to reason that Mr. Black Socks would now then be Mr. Pink Socks?

Is anyone here old enough to remember Mr. Black Socks?
Hell, I barely am.

Now some sadness and frustration in from Hurl.

The entire mindblowing saga is right here.

For crying the H-E-double toothpicks out loud. It would seem that bicycles are only to be recognized as vehicles until it doesnt suit the situation.
Stephen, if you happen to be reading this, you handled the situation with grace and dignity.
If I had only a fraction of your patience I would truly be a better man.

And finally, Im aware that there has been a glaring omission of Wednesday night ride reports.
This being due to my current physical disabilities.

The clouds are parting in that department, however, and the reports will begin flowing again next week.

I remain,

Broken. You know, for now anyway.