I messengered for 4 years. Ive ridden day in and day out, rain or shine for many, many more years then that, and Ive never in all of that time had a nice rain jacket. So I bit the bullet last spring, after 42 straight days of rain, and bought myself a really nice Showers Pass jacket. From the day it showed up, not a drop of rain has fallen.. Untill today. It wasnt raining exactly, but rather it was a very heavy drizzle, so out the door I went with my fancy new jacket on, snug as a bug. Untill I rounded that one corner. Before I even knew what hit me, I was sliding across the pavement. Bits of Ultegra shifter, saddle, rear derailer, glove, alot of skin, and most depressingly, my new jacket were all deposited on the street. Damn the luck.
Winter is right around the bend, so lets be careful out there. Or at least dont haul ass around wet corners. You know,.. dont be dumb.
Now, to radically change the subject, as only someone with high calaber ADD could. Something I was thinking about last night, is that a bunch of folks have recently inquired as to what exactly my position at Swobo is, or at the very least, what my official involvement is. So heres a brief history of my relationship, and how it transpired into my participation. As I mentioned before, during the mid to late 90s, I was a bicycle messenger in the East Bay, and San Francisco. During that time the folks at Swobo were very, very good to me. Through them, I met people who, as it turned out, ended up playing extraordinarily crucial roles in my life. Ive often joked that without Swobo, I wouldnt have any friends.
Five or six years ago, J Mac introduced me to Roscopp, and I told him that what Tim probably hadnt mentioned to him, was that along with the brand, he was to acquire a bunch of ner-do-wells. Little did I know at that point, I meant me. I have always felt a great debt of gratitude to Tim, J, Jeff and Chris, the origional Swobo team, and as soon as I was brought on to work for Santa Cruz Bicycles, it was always in the back of my mind that at some point, and in some fashion, Id be involved with the little company who, over the years has done so much for me. Simply stated, Swobo acted as a catalyst for so much good, and change for so many people. I know it sounds cliche', but Swobo was far more of a movement then it ever was a clothing company, and simply due to that, Im proud as hell to again be a part of it, in whatever capacity they need me.
So there you go...believe it or not, thats the short version.
So I had planned on sending up smoke signals on some sort of a daily basis, but then that idea just became too much like work, so I decided against it.
..And so it goes, one more race in bum poo park. The course was all reconfigured this week, with more climbing, more SERIOUS AS A HEART ATTACK ATHLETES, more Mexican soccer families loudly verbalizing their support one minute, then calling us 'faggots' the next, and more old men accosting poor Mani on the sidewalk section. All he was trying to do was race in drag, whilst showing the world his ass from behind mesh under-somethings, and a giant 'Heat Miser' wig. Like a carrot dangeling from a stick, I rode behind him with hunger, and inspiration. 'Its like living in a world with two perfect moons in the sky!' I exclaimed to him. The aformentioned drunk old man didnt see Mani like I did, and checked him. Manis a big guy, and as I understand it, pinned the old man against a pole, with the business end of his bike. Cam, the punk ass kid won, (re)Todd(ed) said he dosent like his nick name, Patxi (Pa-chee) brought pizza from his new joint, interestingly called Patxis Pizza, which has the best pizza Ive ever tasted, and we all saw Rachel Lloyds ass..again. Just another day in Paradise. Not to sway the judges, but Dan McNally has my vote on most dazzlingly dressed. He needs a new cross bike anyway. Hes ridden that roached Voodoo for as long as Ive known him. Finals are on Saturday, so get yourself in check.
In the mean time, perhaps El Corpo will amaze and delight us with tales from the Interbike bonanza. Can you hear me Major Tom?
Thanks again to Scotty Paz for the pics.
Here we are, all alone. My compatriats are all sitting in the dusty bowl of Interbike right now, or are at least in transit, and Im shuffling through the emails from all of them saying 'Ill see you there, bring me a T-shirt, lets meet up, and Ill buy you a beer', and so on and so fourth. No Interbike for me this year, for the 3rd time in 11 years.. Just plain old bike, and you know? Thats fine by me. El Corpo and Sky Yeager Meister are there kissing all kinds of hands, and shaking all kinds of babies. Me? Im just dead weight.
Anyhow, and totally beside the point, but if you are in the vicinity of Baltimore, on October 14th, why dont you grab some pals and check this out. Maybe youll find that elusive bell or whistle that youve needed to complete your urban wrecker, or maybe youll end up selling all of the broken brake levers, and bald tires that are cluttering up your garage.
Ether way, dont forget to send me my cut.
Yesterday a group of us met up for another birthday ride. This time it was for me. Yup- another September baby, you know? After all, 9 months ago, it was pretty cold in Colorado. My folks were poor and had to make their own kind of heat. But I digress. The point of this post is to say that the large gentleman depicted here can ride a one speed, and complain that theres too much climbing better then you could ever hope to. After all, hes been doing it just about as long as anybody, and Id wager to bet that if there was an Olympic medal for single speed bitching, Loudass would have won it long ago. After all, hes the only one in existance to have been presented with an XXXL Swobo jersey. That kind of honor dosent go to just anybody.
Aside from that, there was the standard hijinx. I punked Willie, and sling shotted myself off of his beer laden musette bag to win the king of the mountain title, Hunter, (Re)Todd(ed) and Friendly Paul traded shifts as conductors on the 'train of pain', Demonika rode her cross bike better then shes ever ridden any bike, ever, E wore more shirts at the same time then he usually does, and Hightower almost got in 2 consecutive boxing matches. One with an overly sensitive, hyper politally correct wood gnome, and later with a young buck looking to spear a cyclist on his pointy, pointy rack..
Id like to live that day over and over again.
Oh, and a HUGE thankyou to Complayna. She woke me up at the crack of dawn with a brand new Fox fork, thereby rekindling the love affair with my Blue Collar single speed. www.bluecollarbikes.com
Even ElCorpo has one. Why dont you?
Well folks, bear with me, as I had every good intention to come home and throw this piece together with the assassin like efficiency youve come to expect from me. However as I was rolling away from work, some last minute Interbike stress was piled upon my back, and with that, two man cans of Budweiser. Its late, Im tired, and full of beery goodness. Check this out though, the second of the cross dress series happened in what could be better described as a junkie, garbage park. Lots of long climbs, coupled with an equal number of rocky descents and a smattering of powdery, duffy, off camber corners. Ill go out on a stable limb and say that there were at least 100 serious as a heart attack ATHLETES in attendance, plus the one known as Loudass. The long and the short of it was Cam the punk ass kid won, and nobody crashed in bum poo. As (re)Todd(ed) pointed out, there was one hapless super pro running a set of Andre' Dugast tubulars who double flatted, costing him roughly 300 dollars. Note taken, when racing the Bay Areas biggest dirt bags in what equates to be a duffy, rocky, garbage dump, leave the high karate gear at home.
Again. thanks to Skotty Paws for the pics. Next time, you better be on a bike though, punk.
Two really important items. Just important in different ways.
I know Im supposed to ease up on the videos a piece, but I just came across this artfully done clip of the swath of destruction created by the beer cannon. Im sitting here with a grin plastered across my face, and I feel as though its my duty to inform others of the sheer wonder and beauty a few plumbing parts can provide. Bless the creative power of the redneck.
Now, however, I want to flip the script, as it were, and lay something kindof heavy on you. Well, actually, its really heavy. The other night, I watched a documentary produced by the BBC called 'The Power of Nightmares'. Its an unbelieveably powerful piece chronicling the parallel birth of the Radical Islamists, and the Neo Conservatives, and the road to, basically their polarization of the world. www.informationclearinghouse.info has a bit of back story and part one in its entirety. Unfortunately, Im unable to offer clothing for folks who can prove that theyve watched it, but I can offer the promise that your mind will be sufficiently blown.
I realize were trying to AVOID a bummer life here, but Im of the opinion that a part of avoiding it, is to confront it from time to time. Its like eating your vegitables- Sometimes its kindof a drag, but ultimately is the best thing for you.
Oh, and hey, thanks for stopping by. Soon I will have a first hand race report of DFL cyclo-cross dress #2, and then we can start having fun again.
The beauty of Al Gore's Information Superhighway is that it allows closet theorists to broadcast their findings without the nusance of Harvard or Yale. I can't decide if this guy deserves a Nobel nomination...or if we should stick with our original nominee....Ron Burgundy.
Freestyle spelling of the English language gets him bonus points though.
No sooner do I ask what you freaks are up to in your own towns, do Laverne and Shirley write me from Milwaukee, and some other dirts from Wisconson to give me the scoop.
Should you be so lucky to be in these two preverbial neck of the woods, break out your own orange jump suits, and take the nay sayers to task.
Dan wrote:
Here in Madison we do it small. And by small I mean tiny. Like 16 inch
wheels. Behold the phenomenon known as Thunderjet where adults compete
on tiny tiny bikes! Beer drinking is manditory. Blood delights the
crowd. Winner gets to wear the most foul of orange jerseys until the
next time.
Past Thunderjet events have included, but are not limited to:
Time trials
Pursuit races
Tractor Pulls
Jousts
cyclocross
downhill/hill climb
and dual slalom
So I guess its safe to say that Autumn is upon us. Oh, hang on.. I just looked at the calendar and it says that autumn starts tomorrow, so I was right. This of course means winter is right around the corner. Its time to get your shoes strapped on, grab a stick of Juicyfruit, the cross is gonna move you...
We have a couple of things to talk about today. The first is about this here trailer. Its for a documentary called 'Pure Sweet Hell' by Willie K. Bullion, and Sir Brain Vernor and with pure poetry, and unparalled artistic vision, it illustrates the pain and the grace of the art form known as cyclocross. Snatch yourself a copy of the DVD, sit back, and rejoice in the fact that youre watching the saps suffer, yet knowing full well that youll be joining them soon.www.cyclocrossfilm.com
Speaking of which, on Demonikas birthday dirt ride yesterday, I ran into Sabina 'would you rather' Dukes of Velo Bella fame, and the hodown gave me the lowdown on the Velo Bella cross series that starts next month right here in the, so far, fair weathered Central Coast. All of that info thats fit to print is here. surfcitycx.blogspot.com She mentioned that race Number two is going to be 'limbo-cross', where the riders have to go under the barriers instead of over them. Finally, an event that the shorties can excell in.
Lastly, I know you people out there have all kinds of bicycle related debauchery going on in your lives. For example, www.bikejerks.com. Why dont you write a short squirt about it, snap a pic, and send em on to me? Id like that alot. Think of it as a birthday present to me that wont cost you a dime.
Over and out.
Its a feverish compulsion at this point. Pink is the new orange, which of course we all know is the old black. Just wait untill I have unleashed the last of my brain squelching mucus onto the city streets. Things will be different then.
I promise.
Race Report for Urban Outlaw dfL series Race #1:
The rumors are true. There really is going to be a Hunter cyclocross frame as the prize for the best-dressed drag queen at the 12th annual dfL Urban Outlaw Cyclocross Series, so I anticipate the girlie-men coming out in better form next week at Crocker Amazon than they did this week. The best costume this week (sez me) was RobGinger who dressed up as his Danish girlfriend Pippi Langstrumpf with stripey stockings and long yellow braids. Turnout was good, with about 50 racers taking part at the start and probably about 40 finishing. The boys in the front got over-excited and caused three crashes in the first half-lap, but things evened themselves out after that, as they do, and Simon won the race. Or maybe Cameron won the race. Funke was somewhere right behind them, and so was RobGingerPippiLangstrumpf. I was too far back to see the action at the front, except when the fast people lapped me (ie., a lot of the men and Rachel Lloyd). Rachel Lloyd beat all of the women and most of the men, as usual, and was dressed in "clothes from a real boy--they even smell like him!" as she proclaimed excitedly at the start. The question of if he knows where his clothes went are still up in the air. Manny came out to defend his title of king of dfL with me (the overall slowest female rider from last year's series) this year...it remains to be seen if we actually retained the honors. Results will be posted next week. Vive le 'cross.
Thanks to the lovely Ella lawrence for the report, and the not so lovely Scott Paz for the photos. My favorite thing I heard about this race was the woman standing on the side lines screaming "What is this?! What is this?! I dont know whats happening, but Im calling the police!"
More various rants from the lovely Ella can be found on www.restaurantgirlspeaks.blogspot.com
Blow some serious corporate time with this and then go put it up on your fridge at home. If you really want to live the Jackson lifestyle....go grab a fifth of vodka at lunch.
DFL stands for truth, liberty, and the pursuit to be FABULOUS!
I shake my clenched fists at the sky, and curse the heavens, as today marks the 5th day of illness, the 3rd day in bed, and the missing of the first race of the DFL crossdress series. I actually made it to work for an hour this morning, but after sweating through my t-shirt within the first 30 minutes, I opted to go home to chug some cough syrup, and sleep a while longer. While Im sitting here, my comrads are preparing for the kick off, degenerate style. Murmurings around the way have it that Mr Rick Hunter is offering a hand built frame for whoever cross dresses the best for all four races. My fish nets, and sequins mini will have to wait another week. Assuming any of 'yall are feeling healthy, and wondering what to do this afternoon, or any of the following Wednesdays for a while, come out with your pearls on, and your dukes up.
More infos over at www.churchofbike.com
This just in from across the pond, and some other stuff.
Chipps has made the astute observation that pink lycra is a questionable fashion choice. Well done Chipps.
In unrelated news, I found this site this weekend, www.nicomachus.net, and although I had been doing a bit of drinking the night before, I think I like it. Plus, it directed me to www.lovelife.com. The fact that I have a long standing crush on Daryl Hannah not withstanding, I think shes got a good head on her shoulders, and she expresses some interesting ideas on this site. Take a second and check them out.
Now then, Im going to get back to embracing the years worst cold. I have aches, and pains, and a rediculous amount of snot in my head. Im totally shattered. if youve had any contact with me in the last 72 hours, Get busy with your Yin Chiao and vitamin supplements.
If memory serves, Garen was saying, "WOAH, WHOOOOAH, WHOOO, WHOOOAH!" right about here.
(re)Todd(ed) in fine form, and fine fashion (below).
Well Ill be. I was getting hollered at by El Corpo cause I was just resting on my laurels (sp?), and putting up a bunch of videos. This is mainly due to the fact that I just really didnt have that much stuff to post because my life isnt as exciting as I guess he thought it was. Lo and behold, I log on today, and theres a whole slew of goodies up. So in light of all of the cool new stuff there is to read here, Ill keep this entry brief. Last night, keeping in the Wednesday night tradition, the Hunters put on the first Wednesday night ride, cross race. It was all jungley and stuff, and was very similar to riding on ice, due to the massive amount of eucalyptus leaves on the ground. There was fierce competetion alright, with me winning the first lap, (re)Todd(ed) winning the whole thing, lots of bib shorts with no jerseys, and yellow water mellon to eat after words. I would imagine this race was the season opener, and you werent even there. Of course, post race, there was the standard descent through total darkness, where Rick guided us through the deepest, darkest, and sketchiest of all routes to the burrito store. The night wrapped up with minimum blood shed, and full stomaches. Thanks Hunters, and thankyou easter bunny. Bwock bwock!
Oh, by the way, the 12th annual DFL cross dress series starts next week, so expect a full(y hazy) series of reports.
This just came in from Michael over in Munich, Germany...
SS World's rocked the house! Stockholm is beautiful! We happened to hit town during their two weeks of summer, so all the 'kewl' folks were out in droves. Seems that everyone in Stockholm has at least 1 tattoo and/or piercing. Hmmm. Must be the sea-faring history. Who knows?
The World's course has become my new favorite piece of singletrack (lots of rocks, roots and surprises). In hindsight, had we known that Stockholm and the people were so cool, we'd have stayed a few more days. Guess it'll give us somewhere to travel to again.
Here's the links to my pics (http://web.mac.com/wunnspeed/iWeb/Site/SSWC06.html) and the ones on the 'official' SS World's '06 forum (http://happymtb.org/forum/read.php/1/493687 ). Currently, the 'official' forum is down.
Band: Old Crow Medicine Show
Venue: Henry Fonda Theater
Location: Hollywood, CA
Time: 9 PM
I know; they got banjos, fiddles…all kinda non-electrified music makin’ devices. Your probably sitting there, listening to your Black Sabbath or your Joy Division or like Chill Out Sessions (Volume 283!) and asking, “Why the crap is this dork writing about such arcane music?!?!?”
Well Mister FixieridingI’mtoocooltotalkaboutstringedinstrumentsthataren’tpluggedin, these homeboys rock. Hard. These guys are from Nashville, TN and play old time/bluegrass like they grew up riding skateboards and listening to punk. Last night at the Fonda, they tore the house down. Really.
At first the LA crowd didn’t know what to make of them and the Old Crow didn’t know what to make of the crowd. I think that room was a little bigger then they were used to playing. Then the band lit it up with an instrumental flurry that had people actually stomping their feet with the music. The band and the crowd met and went for it. They were breaking strings playing fast and keeping the room absolutely riveted when they would slow it down. They played two sets each about an hour and a half long. We both needed a break from their rampage through the songbook.
There was a geek in a $200 country and western shirt behind us who was apparently in love with the sound of his own voice. He and his posse were threatening our enjoyment of the show and the Grammar Hammer had to politely ask him to shut his face. Thankfully they moved and went to bother somebody else. I didn’t want to be that guy… you know, “The lady asked you to be quiet!” I’d have to start driving an IROC or something.
Anyway you should go see this band. I don’t care what kind of music you are into, you’ll dig it. My friend Johnny Combat is into The Cult and all kinds of electronica and he can’t enough of their live show. They are coming to a city near you I bet and you should not be a jerk and go.
I mean it, I am not joking here.
www.crowmedicine.com
September 2006 – Tour Dates
Thursday 7 | Slim's, San Francisco, CA - more info
Friday 8 | Slim's, San Francisco, CA - more info
Monday 11 | Aladdin Theater, Portland, OR - more info
Tuesday 12 | The Show Box, Seattle, WA - more info
Friday 15 | Commodore Ballroom, Vancouver, BC, Canada - more info
Saturday 23 | Prairie Home Companion, St. Paul, MN - more info
Tuesday 26 | Webster Hall, New York, NY - more info
Thursday 28 | Somerville Theatre, Boston, MA - more info
Friday 29 | The Egg / Hart Theatre, Albany, NY - more info
Saturday 30 | Ithaca State Theatre, Ithaca, NY - more info
The Recumbent files...the final chapter....and a new beginning.
This just in from our friend who has just purchased a recumbent, and is single handily going to bring the couch bike phenomenae straight into MTV....we don't really understand what he's saying, but we liked the email enough to give him a soapbox to stand on: My Challange Fujin Xl II with rear suspension (only one model ever made) is arriving on Friday. Made in Holland by people who understand math and the fine art of high end design. Ripping.
Enjoy your numb testicles and chafed asses.
Reuben, I can recommend some good rust off for your old mountain bike, I have also heard that Fairfax is opening a donut shop.
Reidy may I suggest a nice tight speedo swim suit for your brokeback mountain escapades? It's sure to attract the attention you richly deserve.
Parr, I will be Swobo's first Recumbent team rider. You will create a non padded short and a Pink Day Glo Swobo "Bent: Jersey for me. I will also openly urinate into the willing mouths of your street/messenger demographic. My line of Bent clothing will rescue your terminal business model from self obliteration.
Also,your women (by default) are now mine. See picture below.
Feel the mother fucking heat white boys.
Love
XXXXXX (name withheld to protect the newly ordained).
We can only appreciate his determination and drive to pedal while on his back.....godspeed brother....roll on into the sunset. Look for more "The Angry Bent" entries to follow....
Self Stroke V 1.0 ("...i felt like i had angels in my pants.")
to whom it may concern...
let me preface this letter by telling you a few things about myself. i don't have really strong attention to detail. a few recent examples:
1. i had less than 5% of my brake pads left when i took my car in recently. the guy was like "um, when the pedal was hitting the floorboard, didn't you notice?"
2. i took my yeti into the shop 2 weeks ago and when i went to pick it up, the mechanic came 'round and said "nobody in here could believe you were riding that thing." it was a $300 visit.
so i've been a swobo fan forever. i had a pair of the men's baggies that i bought in the late 90's when i was still loving in phoenix and those babies were sweet. when you guys came back i was super thrilled. especially to see the new women's shorts. when they arrived, i yanked 'em out of the envelope and was pysched to see that the shorts were just as cool looking in person as on the internet. great color scheme! and the liner.. super cute. blue waist band was a nice touch. so i took the shorts out for a spin. and let me say, it was the most comfortable ride ever. that's all i could think to myself. i usually have aproblem with the liners creeping up my thighs, but those things stayed put. and the chamois is pure heaven. sincerely. i felt like i had angels in my pants. and the length of the shorts is great; no snagging on my seat and not too long as to preserve some girliness, but still tough. finally, i hit some mud on the trail and the stuff just wiped off. so post ride beer i looked clean and tight at the bar in my sweet ass shorts. i rode with a group of 10 over the weekend down in my old stomping grounds of salida, CO and told everyone those suckers were worth every penny.
make more.
You ever have a favorite band? You know, the kind that no matter whats going on, they always play the kind of music that makes everything alright? The Dirtbombs are that kind of band. Besides, they have two bass players, and two drummers. Whats not to like about that?
I get alot of emails from folks asking where we get the inspiration for our designs. Well here we have never before seen footage of the boss, with his nose to the grindstone, developing his brilliant strategies, and plotting the future after Swobos triumphant comeback.
