     
    |
 Photo by The Skipper 
« July 2006 | Main | September 2006 » August 31, 2006this is good."A little while ago I put together a little application on our phone system so that when a telemarketer calls in, I can transfer them to this extension and annoy the hell out of them. I thought about it a bit more and decided to make it a little more interesting, so I can get them to hold on the line as long as possible."
August 30, 2006Sometimes you just feel like that, you know?
August 29, 2006From Trackstar NYCI ran into this today and thought it was just about as accurate as it gets. Visit this website http://www.trackstarnyc.com/ and spend a bunch of money. They deserve it...
August 27, 2006The North Umpqua is a little slice of heaven.
Hey there everybody. Sorry about the hold up on maintaining this here blog thing, so heres a little update. Demonika and I have been on the road up there in Northern California, and Oregon. I dont think theres computers 'upere in em hills, so I had to wait till I came home. Now, pre-coffee, I would like to describe a beauty of a spot we found just off the 5, East of a town called Roseberg.
August 25, 2006one size fits all. other sizes fit most.
August 19, 2006If you ride a bike, youre poor and crazy.
I was just over at bike hugger.com reviewing a piece there on the medias portrail of cyclists as socially inept, immature baffons. (I.E. the 40 year old virgin). Now, I myself hold that title with pride, but I dont appreciate those who clearly are not in the loop making such assumptions of my tribe. The following is a short rant I published in my zine 'Sideshow' last year on that very subject. 'Ive noticed a trend in American Media. Check it out; recently on a news broadcast I saw about the rising gas prices, they interviewed one lady who said, "well of course Im going to pay the higher price. I mean, what am I going to do? Ride a bicycle?!" Then, during one of the hard luck stories they do about Olympians, they were going on about how Olympic figure skater Rudy Galindo was so poor that he had to ride a bicycle to practice, (in fact, when I was doing a web search to get the correct spelling of his name, that was one of the first fun facts listed about him.) A bicycle? Can you imagine?! That poor sap. And again, when I was learning about Ted 'The Unibomber' Kizinski, well he was so crazy, that not only did he send bombs to people, and exact an extensive reign of terror across the land, but he lived in a cabin, and RODE A BICYCLE TO THE STORE! Oh my god, hes a total madman!
August 18, 2006Young Edgar learned a valuable lesson that day.I dont know quite what it may have been. Perhaps, something along the lines of that he shouldnt trust people, or possibly, no matter how he begs, hes still gonna get screwed. Maybe it was simply that all of his friends hate him. Now please understand that my Spanish isnt very good, but Im pretty sure he expressed all of these things. Poor, poor Edgar.
August 15, 2006MASH SF- Get sum...
August 11, 2006I had this exact dream last night...
August 10, 2006Finally, a bike lock that really works.....in a theif's favor. from the creators: 'In-Lock' works as a ground anchoring system to secure motorbikes or mountain-bikes to soft ground. To use, one takes it from its casing and screws it into the ground using the turning bar provided. Once in the ground, any motorbike or mountainbike can then be locked to it through the hole in the main body by using any design of chain or lock. Once placed through the hole, it prevents anybody being able to unscrew the 'In-Lock' from the ground. Physics ensures 'In-Lock' cannot be pulled out of the ground by using force, even in the wettest conditions. from the theives:i don't believe in physics.
August 09, 2006Heres to our good friend Big Jonny, and to wishing him a speedy recovery.
Dear loyal Drunkcyclist.com readers, Sad news on the DC front. The man himself, Big Jonny, was struck by an automobile on his way back from the Saturday group ride and is currently in the hospital with multiple lumbar fractures (fortunately, no paralysis) and severe road rash. Big Jon was legally in the bike lane at approximately 12:15pm and was hit squarely from behind on an uphill section of the road by a sedan traveling approximately 55mph. The driver left the scene but has now been apprehended and charged with felony hit and run due to the diligence and efforts of multiple other drivers on the road who witnessed the collision. Jon is currently in good spirits and is expected to make a full recovery. An unforeseen, yet fortuitous, byproduct of this horrific incident has been the opportunity to have numerous conversations with Jon while he is under the influence of numerous pain killers. For your reading enjoyment, and in the spirit of Drunkcyclist.com, we would like to showcase a few of the conversations that Jon has had with the amazing staff of Flagstaff Medical Center and the friends and family who have been visiting over the last two days: (Medical personnel are preparing to move Jon from the stretcher to the bed in the ER) FMS Staff: “Are you ready sir? Big Jon: “Wait!” BJ: “Ladies, I must warn you. I’m naked under here and extremely good looking” (Nurse enters the room with water and cloth to give Big Jon a sponge bath and clean some of the superficial wounds) Big Jon’s Wife: “Do you want help with that?” Big Jon: “Hold on, are you going to do this? (Looks at wife and frowns)…Or are you? (Looks at nurse and grins) Silence from both wife and nurse Big Jon: “How about both!” (The Snake stops by in the AM to see how the Big Man is doing) Snake: “So is there anything you need?” Big Jon: “Three Asian girls would be great.” Snake: “I’ll work on that for you.” (Nurse comes in to check on kidney function) Nurse: “Jon, do you have to urinate?” Big Jon: “I might, but I don’t really want to since I’d have to pull my penis out in front of all of these people.” (Talking about Jon’s left arm which had swollen up and become extremely rigid do to a reaction with an IV drip) Jon’s Wife: “Geez, look at that, your left arm is swollen up like the incredible hulk.” Big Jon: “Yeah, I look like I have one popeye arm, I wonder what that stuff was?” Pun: “I wonder if it would work on other parts of the body as well?” Big Jon: “I bet that you could sell that stuff down at the coffee shop to Germans. It’d be like a stiffening elixir. They’d be like ‘Vat is dis?’ and then the coffee shop person would say ‘don’t worry, you’ll like it, just drink it’ and then they’d all be walking around with giant arms and penises.” (Editor’s note: the preceding conversation may not seem to make any sense. This is not because it was one of those “you had to be there” moments. He really made absolutely no sense.) (Nurse walks in to get Jon latest dose of pain killers) Jon’s Wife: “See what I mean Pun, all his nurses are beautiful” Jon: “Yeah, no shit.” “I’m glad I was on drugs down in the ER when they were all around me. Otherwise, Lil’ Jonny would have come out and I would have been swingin’ him around like a damn baseball bat.” Anyhooters, that’s all for now kids. We will post again if there is anything new. Jon should be back in the saddle again soon and hopefully he can post the next update. Although I’m sure that he would enjoy hearing from everyone, he is bound to fall behind on e-mail replies. Let’s all just tip a pint or five back at the local bar and hope for a complete and speedy recovery. Yours Truly,
August 08, 2006step aside, yert lovers.Dutch designer Dré Wapenaar—designed these tree hanging tents.
Now, comeon, like you knew The Osmands ever kicked this much ass...
August 02, 2006ihearthumpinghummers.com
other sites worth checking out are ivegotalotoftimeonmyhands.com and cleverwaystostickittotheman.co.uk
'Judge finds fault with fixies', stolen directly from www.carsrcoffins.comThere have been murmerings about this in The Bay Area for a few years.. Read on... Judge finds fault with fixies
On June 1, 2006 Portland bike messenger Ayla Holland was given a ticket for allegedly violating Oregon Revised Statute (ORS) 815.280(2)(a) which states, A bicycle must be equipped with a brake that enables the operator to make the braked wheels skid on dry, level, clean pavement. strong enough to skid tire.
According to Officer Barnum, he stopped Holland at SW First and Jefferson and told her that she was in violation of the law and that she must put a front brake on her fixie to avoid a ticket. Holland disagreed. She and Ginsberg claim that Oregon statute does not clearly define what a brake is and that as long as a bicycle can perform a “skid on dry, level clean pavement” it does not need to have a separate, traditional braking device. At the start of the trial it was clear that neither the Judge nor the Officer understood just what a fixed-gear bicycle was. To help them visualize, Ginsberg likened a fixie to a child’s Big Wheel. Once everyone was clear and the cop was finished with his opening testimony, Ginsberg began his cross-examination: Ginsberg (to Officer Barnum): “When you approached the rider did she stop?” Officer Barnum: “Yes.” Ginsberg: “How’d she stop the bike?” Officer Barnum: “I don’t know.” Ginsberg: “The gear itself stopped the bike.” Officer Barnum: “But the gear is not a brake.” From the outset, the judge seemed to agree with the cop and it was up to Ginsberg to change his mind. The trial began to hinge on the definition of brake. Ginsberg continued to ask questions of the cop. Ginsberg: “What is a brake?” Officer Barnum: “A lever, a caliper or a coaster brake hub.” Ginsberg: “Can you show the court where in the vehicle code a brake is defined as such?” Officer Barnum: “No.” Ginsberg: “Did you at any time during the traffic stop ask my client if she could skid (thus meeting the performance requirement of the statute)?” Officer Barnum: “No.” At this point the judge seemed increasingly exasperated with Ginsberg’s direction and pointed out that “brake” was a commonly accepted term. To end this line of questioning, Ginsberg offered to demonstrate to the court that Holland could easily bring her fixed-gear bike to a skid on dry, level pavement. The judge declined his offer. Now it was time for Officer Barnum to ask questions. He asked Holland, “What would you do if your chain broke?”
“I would use my feet.” Officer Barnum: “What if your leg muscles had a spasm?” Holland: “I’m not sure…these are emergency situations.” Ginsberg interjected with a question for Holland: “Did any of these situations happen on the day you were stopped?” Holland: “No.” Now it was time for Officer Barnum to submit his closing testimony. He continued to argue that nowhere in the statute does it say gears can be utilized as brakes (it doesn’t say they can’t either). He also said that “motorists and the public deserve to have these bikes be properly equipped,” and that a “skid is not as good or safe as a stop.” “The requirement,” he said, “has not been met.” Now it was Ginsberg’s turn. He said, “The state is overreaching in seeking to define a brake as a lever and a caliper. The question remains; is the fixed gear the brake? The statutes are clear that the answer is yes.” To solidify his point, he took out a huge Webster’s dictionary and opened it to the word “brake.” The definition stated that a brake is a “device to arrest the motion of a vehicle.” It did not stipulate anything about a distinct lever or caliper. In his last few comments he proclaimed that the current statute is not well-written and that it is “frightening to require only a front brake.” With both sides at rest, it was time for the Judge’s final opinion. His contention was that the main source of braking power on a fixed gear are the muscles of the rider, not the gear itself. To this end, he questioned how messengers—whom he’s seen riding “much too fast”—could stop safely. In the Judge’s opinion, gearing itself and/or leg muscles are not a sufficient source of braking power. He said, “The brake must be a device separate from the musclulature of the rider. Take me for instance. I don’t have leg muscles as strong as a messenger…how would I stop safely?” He then turned directly to Ginsberg and said, “If your client had a stick she could rub against her tire, you’d have a case. I don’t believe the defense has convinced me to broaden the definition of a brake. I find the defendant guilty.” So now Holland has 30 days to either attach a hand brake to her bike and pay a $73 fine, or appeal the decision. In talking with her outside the courtroom it seemed like she did not think the Judge’s opinion was fair and I wouldn’t be surprised if she and Ginsberg decide to continue the fight. This decision by the Judge raises some concerns and questions. Will the cops now feel emboldened to go out and ticket everyone on a fixed-gear? Are fixed-gears now essentially illegal? Are fixed-gears truly a public safety hazard? Fixed gears have become a huge trend across the country and with hundreds if not thousands of them in Portland, I don’t think we’ve heard the end of this issue.
August 01, 2006Like so many whimsically colored bowling pins...Really, the guy in black on the inside just fell down just cause everybody else was doing it....
|
 |
submit |
send us art |
about this thing |
syndicate this mofo |
archives |
contact
© Swobo 2006 - all rights reserved - posting policy - design zoltron |
